Jury Duty Page #4

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Yes, of course it is.

Well, uh,

as we discussed,

all your calls

will automatically

be forwarded.

Nobody can know.

Absolutely no one.

(WHOOPING)

Whoo!

This is gonna be great!

(GARGLING)

This sucks.

If I had money

Tell you what I'd do

I'd go downtown

and buy a Mercury or two

Crazy about a Mercury

(CHEERING)

She likes us, Peanut.

Buy me a Mercury

and cruise it up and down

the road

The girl I love,

I stole her from a friend

He got lucky,

stole her back again

'Cause she know

he had a Mercury

She know he had a Mercury

Am gonna buy me a Mercury

And cruise it

up and down the road

Oh, oh, ohh!

(WHINES)

(LAUGHING)

Okay.

Lower, lower.

Aah, aah.

If I had

(QUACKING)

(BARKING)

Buy a Mercury or two

Crazy about a Mercury

I'm crazy about a Mercury

I'm gonna buy me a Mercury

And cruise it

up and down the road

I'm gonna buy me a Mercury

And cruise it

up and down the road

Long live

jury duty!

Oh

Carl Wayne Bishop

I say we give him the gas

You know,

on second thought,

I say we deep-fry his ass

Everybody, now

Deep-fry his ass

Deep-fry his ass

As you can see,

it is nothing short of

a three-ring circus here

in front of the courthouse.

Protesters, freaks,

sycophants, the unemployed,

all assembled and purchasing

the merchandising

of human carnage.

Amusing?

Color me sickened

by the bottom feeders

who suckle at the

teat of human tragedy.

(JUDGE POUNDING GAVEL)

You've heard

the testimony

and the law

has been read to you

as it applies to the case.

Now it is your duty

to sit down together

to determine the truth.

Seven innocent people

are dead.

And one man's life

hangs in the balance.

May justice prevail.

(POUNDS GAVEL)

"May justice prevail."

(IMITATING ELECTROCUTION)

We should've

just handed our verdict

to the judge right there.

No kidding.

At least we'll

be home for dinner.

Oh, yes, dinner, followed

by a warm bath and some

hot cocoa.

Freedom at last.

Courtside, tonight.

Open and shut.

That boy's

guiltier than a possum

with a mouthful of bees.

If you need anything,

I'll be right outside

the door.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Let's vote.

Why waste our time?

Let's just walk

back in there

and tell the judge

to light him up.

Excuse me,

do you mind?

Yes, there're enough

poisons in the air already,

thank you very much.

My sincerest apologies.

Here, 20% off any hot

tub or spa.

Well, I think

the correct thing to

do is to take a vote.

Yeah, yeah, whatever,

let's just get this

over with.

Good idea. A vote.

All those in favor of

taking a bathroom break,

raise their hands.

You pee

after we vote.

It's a free country.

Jorge has a right

to pee.

That's right.

Sit down.

Okay.

Look, well, I gotta go.

(ALL GROANING)

Take a seat, boy.

Yeah, come on, kid.

Forget it.

I have to tinkle.

Will you just hurry up?

I'm hurrying!

(UNZIPPING)

(TRICKLING)

TOMMY:
Ahh!

Ahh!

(CLEARING THROAT)

Ahh!

Hmm-mmm!

Ahh!

(SIGHING)

(TRICKLING)

What the hell is that boy

doing in there?

Making a pee-pee?

Reminds me of my honeymoon

in Niagara Falls.

(BANGING)

Come on, boy, zip it!

I'm almost done.

Maybe while he finishes,

we should elect

a jury foreman.

To tell

that psycho lunatic he's

going to the electric chair?

Not me, oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

It'll be like

sentencing Satan himself.

He'll give you that

evil eye.

It will haunt you

until the day you die.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

The nightmares alone will have

the supernatural powers

to kill you.

I'm out.

Well, then who?

(FLUSHING)

(ZIPPING)

Ahh!

What?

Congratulations, kid,

it's your lucky day.

What, I didn't get

any on me?

No.

You've just been

elected jury foreman.

(CLAPPING)

We thought you were

the best man for the job.

Wow!

This is truly an honor.

First of all,

I'd like to thank

Principal Beasely, sir,

for that

strong scholastic base.

And, Nathan,

malaka salaam,

brother, my man.

And, Monica,

my legal beagle.

And, Harry...

Oh, shut up

and let's vote!

Right now?

ALL:
Yes, right now!

Yeah, but you guys

just elected me

jury foreman.

I say

it's time for

a little fiesta!

No. Vote now!

Yeah, now.

On an empty stomach?

Yes, goddamn it,

on an empty stomach!

It's a simple "guilty."

That's it.

That's it?

And what about the baby?

What baby?

Sarah's pregnant.

She's eating for two.

If we arrive

at a verdict now,

it'll be at least

a half hour

before they call the judge,

if he's available and sober.

Then there's local TV,

interviews, Nightline...

(SIGHING)

We're liable not to eat for

a couple more days at least.

Uh, you know,

I think he's right.

And that is

why you elected me

jury foreman.

(BUZZING)

Yeah.

Have you reached

a verdict?

Yes, we have.

(STUTTERS) Chinese.

(MUMBLING)

(TOMMY GROANING)

I almost got it.

I just got a little more.

Take it home with you, boy.

Let's vote.

On a full stomach?

Yes, goddamn it,

on a full stomach.

I believe the rule is,

no voting until 30 minutes

after you eat.

That's swimming,

you idiot!

Oh, Principal Beasely,

what are you doing?

This stuff

is money in the bank.

This stuff's worth a fortune.

This right here, guys,

is our future.

Our future?

It's our end.

That and aerosol cans

and asbestos,

and the rest of the crap

that's poisoning us.

That's very

interesting, okay?

Can we cut the crap and vote?

Now?

Yes!

Yes, now.

Quit stalling.

Now!

Now!

ALL:
Now!

All right,

okay, let's just

get to it right now.

No sense in wasting

taxpayers' money.

Okay, pass it down.

A secret ballot

is a waste of time.

And paper.

May I have the honor

of collecting the votes?

Yes, you may, Jorge.

You know,

in my country,

a man does not have

the right to a fair trial.

This jury system is

really something wonderful.

I am so proud.

Oh, great. Count them.

Okay, you guys ready?

ALL:
Yes.

"Guilty."

"Guilty."

"Guilty."

That one was

probably yours.

Probably.

(SMIRKS)

Okay, "Guilty."

"Guilty."

Ray, this says "Guilty."

Now, let me think.

What do you think

this one is?

This says

"Guilty," too.

Okay, "Guilty."

"Guilty."

(STUTTERS) "Guilty."

"Guilty."

Oh, my...

"Not guilty"?

ALL:
What?

Let me see that!

Let me see that!

My! This is unbelievable.

Which one of you guys

did this?

I am shocked...

Mr. Collins!

Yes, Principal Beasely, sir?

There is a "u"

in "not guilty."

Are you sure?

I don't believe

I understood correctly.

I was thinking about my girl,

who I haven't seen in

four years.

Did you vote not guilty?

Yeah.

How could you...

And how can you

vote guilty?

Goddamn it, Tommy!

I killed for these tickets.

If you make me miss the game

because of your bullshit,

I'll be pissed off!

I'll be very,

very pissed off!

Now, wait a second.

I believe even Mr. Collins

has a right to his opinion.

Maybe we should discuss

this before he votes guilty.

Exactly.

Reasonable doubt.

Okay, what does this mean?

We got "reason"

from the French "raison"

meaning "dry grape."

And we got "able"

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