Just Around The Corner Page #3

No. I don't think you're after

hot... No, no, not at all, no.

Probably the grief.

Edward, you are perspicacity itself.

It is the grief, and

the grieving comes in many forms...

the binge eating,

the binge drinking,

the sex with fit young blokes.

I think it's going to take a long

time to work through the grieving.

Well, you can't rush grief.

Frank, God rest his soul,

would understand.

Cos through it all

there's a little bit of Frank

that's still here with me.

Well, the spirit of loved ones

does...

No, there's a little bit of Frank

still here with me in my handbag.

It's all they could find, after the

tragic accident with the weasels.

That must be very comforting.

Now, then, Edward, you didn't..

Sideways!

You didn't come to my party.

Incidentally, what Kia was..

It was great - we stoned a poacher.

Well, that sounds...

Cos in your absence, I was unable

to offer you an opportunity.

Opportunity?

In light of your former metier,

I want you to teach me

how to read and write.

You can't read and write?

No, obviously,

cos that's what I just said.

I'm not a moron, Edward,

cos you might have noticed I just

said "perspicacity" and "metier".

And they were very well used.

Hmm, I'm good with words,

I just can't understand the little

f***ers on a piece of paper.

Bish, bash, bosh, here we go.

So, my friend, where's it

hiding now?

Oh, thought it was there too.

Now, a real man isn't

going to stop there, is he?

And if I were to decline

this teaching opportunity,

would anything bad happen?

Who knows? Game of life

can play such cruel tricks.

Well, on reflection,

I'd like to accept your offer

of this arrangement.

Good boy.

Oh, by the way, don't tell anyone

about this, or I'll kill them.

Now is there anything

I can do for you?

No.

Drugs, batteries,

enemies eliminated?

Some nice homemade fudge?

Really, no.

You must want something.

No. No?

No, N-O!

N-O. You see, lesson one,

we've started!

Well, this has been lovely.

Do drop by any time.

Delia, we've just slaughtered

a... lamb.

We wondered

if you'd like the prime cut of rump.

A bit of dead sheep's arse.

Well, thank you!

That's a nice wind turbine.

Yes. Yes, it is.

But aesthetically...

aesthetically, I think it would look

better on top of Edward's house.

I'll get onto it.

Oh, hang about...

Boot!

What am I like?!

You see, if you'd turned me

down, Edward,

he'd have met with a...

Well, I don't have to spell it out

for you, do I?

Erm, no.

Good, cos I couldn't.

That was a joke!

About me being illiterate.

Keep up!

Good luck with the syphilis.

Here, if you're mates

with Big Delia,

why can't you get her

to fix me up with a dentist?

I am not mates with Big Delia.

All right, sweetie? Listen,

don't judge your Dutch chum

too harshly

because, you know, he may have

had to hook up with Delia

due to circumstances

beyond his control.

All right, I know you think

I'm Delia's b*tch,

because that's

the expression you used,

but I can assure you...

What's all this?

Just some tokens

of everybody's admiration.

What?

On account of you being

Big Delia's b*tch.

I am not Big Del...

Songs for food!

Oh, no.

Songs for food, sweet song

for a sweet potato, a salad...

OK, OK, you can have those turnips.

What song would you like?

No, no,

we don't want any music, thank you.

You've got to have a song.

OK, you choose, no singing.

I wish JLS would stop bothering us.

Ha-ha, I think

that toast might be done.

Listen, sweetheart,

I can assure you

that I have not entered into

an arrangement that is in any way...

tawdry or shameful.

I just can't tell you what it is

and I will be visiting her

twice a week..

Ah, Jesus!

This tooth's killing me!

What, what are you doing?

Um, I don't think that's a very...

Oh, you all right, princess?

You look a bit...

Well done, Kia,

that was very...

very... confident.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes