Just Before I Go Page #5

when I'm in the afterlife,

I'm gonna bump into Mrs. Lawrence

and it's gonna be all awkward

and I'm gonna be like,

"Hey, Mrs. Lawrence, how are you?"

And she's gonna be all like fake nice

to me 'cause, you know,

in heaven you gotta be polite.

You know what?

You're really kinda funny.

Thanks.

So...

why do you think

you wanna kill yourself?

I just got tired of trying

to find reasons not to.

Do you know that I fell in love

with you in fourth grade?

Geography class.

You sat right in front of me.

I couldn't take my eyes off you.

You were so pretty and kind.

You knew all your continents.

Did you really think I was kind?

I don't feel kind.

- What do you feel like?

- Like a cautionary tale.

I did what was safe, what was expected.

- I love my kids, but...

- I bet you're a great mom.

I don't wanna be just a great mom.

I want to matter and not just

as a mom to my kids and Albert,

but to me. I wanna matter to me.

You matter. You matter to me.

There's no reset button,

is there, Teddy?

You don't need one.

You're the sweetest,

most gentle person I've ever known.

I've always wondered how differently my life

would have turned out if I was with you.

You know, I remember

you used to eat an apple

every day for lunch.

They're God's toothbrush.

You always wore 7UP Lip Smacker.

To this day, that's my favorite soda.

Your book report on reptiles and amphibians

in the sixth grade was... incredible.

- I got a B.

- Oh, that's f***ing bullshit.

I'll meet you at the Willow.

It's up a block.

- You sure you want to do this?

- Ted, if you're looking for absolution,

I don't think either one of us

is getting that.

So we either have sex

and live with it, or we don't.

Okay, I'll see you there.

Hey, man. See you tonight.

10:
00 PM.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I love the sun, I love the moon

I love the way you make me swoon...

Look there.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, here.

There's the two of you off

on one of your Wammy expeditions.

Probably made a thousand trips

out on that lake.

All boils down to 37 photos

of a spare tire, schools of fish,

and a drowned muskrat.

Well, I beg to differ with you.

You have way much more than that.

You have countless hours together.

Just the two of you.

Talking and sharing and searching.

Searching for what?

We could have done the same thing

playing catch in our backyard.

Your father wanted to have

an adventure with you boys.

You have made my life complete

- Never...

- Shirley.

I'm sorry, baby. Sorry.

Excuse me, baby. Excuse me.

- Thanks.

- Sorry, Ted.

- Sounds good.

- Thank you, baby. Thank you very much.

As soon as you could talk,

you were obsessed with Wammy.

You had the lunchbox, you had the T-shirt,

you had the little cap, you had everything.

If it said "Wammy," you had it.

And your father thought

it would be so fun

for just the two of you to go find him.

I thought Dad was the one

who started it all.

He knew everything about Wammy.

He was a Wammy encyclopedia.

He was a Teddy encyclopedia.

Searching for Wammy

was your father's gift to you...

because you were so practical.

And he knew that you needed wonder.

Rawly, are you sure about this?

I mean, I know he's a dick, but...

But what?

That miserable bastard ruined my life.

He treated me like sh*t

since I could stand.

He was cruel to my dead wife, he treats

Henry like a stray f***ing cat, man.

F*** him! I'm going up there.

I'm gonna strangle his ass

with my bare hands.

I'll be the last thing

his bulging eyes see

before he takes his long trip

to the dark recesses of hell.

Okay, sounds like

you've given this some thought.

Come on.

All right, you rotten son of a b*tch.

It's payback time.

Sh*t!

Dad? Daddy? Hey, Dad!

Oh, f***, he's having a heart attack! Sh*t!

Don't just stand there, Ted! Call 911, man!

I thought you were here

to kill him, remember?

He was the a**hole who ruined your life,

he's mean to your wife,

called Henry the "Little Engine

That Couldn't."

Ted, what the f***, man?!

You're being really insensitive right now!

F***ing do something! He's having

a heart attack, for Christ's sake!

Help me! Help me! God damn it!

- What's happening?

- Daddy! Dad?

I got it.

Thank you.

Vickie?

What... what are you doing here?

The other night made me think.

I've lived my whole life

for other people.

For what?

We've been in love with each other since

the fourth grade. You said so yourself.

What?

I don't want to fight it anymore.

I want to give us the chance

we never had.

But you have kids and a husband.

I had them the other night, too,

when you took me from behind.

- They had sex!

- I can see it.

- Set me on fire. Start with my eyes.

- Get out!

Look, Vickie, that night was wonderful.

It was the best.

I never orgasm like that orally.

I'm still alive. Mercy killing.

I just... I think we should

slow down a bit, you know?

- Discuss...

- Vickie! Vickie!

Albert. He must have found my note.

- Don't get upset!

- You wrote a note?

Slow down! Come on, get in here. Vickie!

Who the hell is this?

Come home. I need you.

The kids need you.

Jake hasn't stopped crying.

I can't get him to eat.

I wrote this... after our LuLu was born.

Is he gonna read a poem?

"I was alone. Dinner alone.

Television alone.

Work alone. Live alone.

Sleep alone.

I thought that was good, being alone.

Then I met you.

Then we had kids,

and I realized how sad I was alone."

I mean, I'm no expert,

but shouldn't that rhyme?

Okay.

- I didn't mean... yeah.

- It's okay.

You go... there.

I think Jake's allergic to fish sticks.

It's all I can cook him

and he keeps throwing up.

You got 300 pounds of mother

of five blubbering at my table.

You gotta kick that one back

into the ocean, tout de suite.

- Would you skip the fat jokes?

- Okay.

But you and a whole lotta lovin'

gotta figure this out.

I'm sorry. Sorry, last one.

Your hair's on fire! Gotta get that.

Hey! Come here!

Hey, Romeo.

Don't be f***ing rude, dude.

Look at me when I talk to you.

There just ain't much

to look at, man, that's all.

Look out, Zeke.

I think he's got the hots for you.

F*** off, guys.

Can we go to class, please?

Yeah, I'm done with this guy anyway.

Oh, hey, Mr. James.

Come on. Guys, let's go.

- What's up, Mr. James?

- Everything okay, Romeo?

Amazing.

- Tall cappuccino.

- Thank you.

- Hey, you Ted?

- Yeah.

- I'm Zeke's friend.

- Oh.

Do you go to school together?

We do a lot of things together.

Oh, okay.

I love him, I just can't live like this.

You know, I'm fine being a secret,

I'm used to that, but I'm...

I'm not okay with being

less than a secret.

I guess I'm not exactly sure

what it is you want me to do.

Just be there for him.

You're the only one that knows

he's gay besides me and...

I'm breaking up with him and he's gonna

act like he doesn't care, but he will.

And eventually it has to come out,

even if he can't.

I don't know, just be there for him.

I never wanted you to leave your family.

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