Just Friends Page #2

If you feel yourself

going there, walk away.

Where'd you come up

with this theory?

Some chick f'd me up

in high school bad.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse you!

I saw you flirting

with me out there.

How could you do

that to your boyfriend?

Who, him?

We're just friends.

Oh, no no no, I never said that, Lindsay. I

wouldn't do that.

No, I'm driving

through a tunnel.

Okay. One second here.

Hey, Francine, you look great.

- Thanks.

- That color really brings out your legs.

Hey, I don't even know you.

Yeah. Ho-ho-ho.

That's great.

Merry Christmas.

I can still see it.

I can still... rub harder!

Don't dab at it!

Rub it.

Rub, rub it, rub it!

Look, honestly, these pants

make me look fat?

- Well...

- You're fired!

- What?

- I'm kidding.

Ho-ho-ho! Who's got

a Christmas present?

I do.

How you doing, boss?

Merry Christmas.

- I look fat in these pants?

- Hell no.

Excellent! So you're

seeing your family

- for the holidays.

- Well, as a matter of fact...

- Wait. You want anything?

- No.

Go! Wait.

- Family.

- Parents are separated.

- Jersey's not my idea of a good time, so...

- Fabulous.

- Check this out.

- Yeah. Great. Good.

First up tonight, you've seen

her in the pages of magazines,

and well, the opening

of practically anything,

but what what you may not

know about this "it" girl...

is her humanitarian side.

Hey, everyone.

I'm Samantha James

and I'm here

with Mr. Cluck Cluck

and my new

best friend Wafoofi

and we're part of a kick-ass

humanitarian effort

to help promote vegetarianism

in third world countries,

which is really really

important.

Okay, and speaking of

really really important...

I have some good news.

I've been recording

for my new album

which I hope to have out

early next...

- I want that album.

- Hah! What?!

- Samantha James?

- Yeah.

No no no no. Listen to me

very carefully now.

Samantha James

is a crazy person.

Hey, you're the one that

used to diddle her, not me.

It was one date!

And I ended up in the hospital.

Have you seen this poster?

Huh? Have you seen...

- this poster?

- Yeah, with the fruit.

This is the hottest-selling

poster in the United States.

People love her.

They love her!

Oh, who loves her?

MTV just got her a new

reality show next year.

We time the CD release with the show,

we got a guaranteed hit

plus free promotion.

- She's recording over...

- I know where she's recording.

Good. Good.

Make me happy.

Go away.

Wait. Not you.

Wait!

You don't make me happy, I'm gonna

find somebody else to make me happy.

Loud and clear. Yeah.

Clear as a bell.

- Good.

- Okay.

What are you

still doing here?

Go!

Go get me lobster!

Go! Run! Lobster!

Run away! Run!

Daddy want a fish!

Uh, uh, uh

Yeah, uh uh,

eins zwei drei vier!

We might be

a world apart

World apart

But you're always

in my heart

Always in my heart

- When you look up at the stars

- Look up at the stars

- Feel my love from afar

- Afar afar

- Looking down like a shining star

- Shining star

- Dancing free with my guitar

- My guitar

- I don't know just where you are

- Where are you?

Love from afar,

love from afar

Feel my love...

Cut! Cut!

Okay, Ron, which jokester

changed the key on me?

No one, Samantha.

It's been the same key

for the last 43 takes.

Well, something's off then,

because I'm just not feeling it, okay?

God, I need my guitar.

- We need to mix the tracks separately.

- No!

My lyrics say "dancing free

with my guitar," Ron.

So, I'm gonna

be real, okay?

I'm not gonna let you

and Hong Kong Phooey up there

turn me into some poppy

bubblegum wannabe.

Okay?

I need to transcend!

Are you guys

even listening to me?

You guys are a**holes,

you're a**holes...

- Switch it off, guys.

- Ron, you're an a**hole

You guys are a**holes,

You're a**holes.

She's all yours.

Chris!

Hey!

I can't hear you, Samantha.

I can't hear you, Samantha.

- Can't hear you.

- Oh.

Oh, light bulb.

There you go.

Oh my God,

I don't believe it!

God, I've missed you.

Oh... okay.

Wait a minute. Are you here

because you miss me,

or are you just here because your

boss wants to sign me?

Both?

That's cool.

Guess I missed you too.

God, I want to lick

your skin off!

- I prefer you didn't.

- But I want to.

Don't.

Ow!

Ooh, you're gonna get it.

You're gonna get it, baby.

- I don't want it.

- Bad kitty. Meow, meow.

- Okay.

- Oh! Listen, what're you doing

- over the holidays?

- I'm going to Santa Barbara...

'Cause Paris is throwing

a Christmas bash in Paris.

Okay, Paris isn't

gonna work for...

I'm gonna call my assistant

and we're gonna go tonight.

We can work and play.

Mreow.

Oh my God! I just wrote a new song.

You have to hear it!

This one's called

"Forgiveness."

Ahem.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Is more than

saying sorry

To forgive is divine

So let's have

a glass of wine

And have makeup sex

Until the end of

Time time time time

Time

Time.

So what did you

you think?

Ah!

I mean, my God!

Oh my God,

you're sweet.

- What is that?

- This is a taser gun.

My publicist gave it to me

to ward off stalkers.

Bam!

Ha ha ha!

Ooh, ahi tuna.

- You want some? Yummy yummy.

- I'll pass.

Ahi!

Oh, I'm so glad

KC got us back together.

Yeah, you're awful.

Hey, I have a great idea.

What if on our way to Paris

we stop off in Ireland

and find out

where U2 lives?

What if we got someone

like Bono to sing backup?

I'd be all...

Forgiveness is the way,

and he'd go, Forgiveness every day

only all Bono-y.

Wouldn't that

be amazing?

Ah! What if I added

more vibrato?

Forgiveness

Is more than

sayin' sorry

To forgive is divine

So let's have

a glass of...

Okay. Who's the genius

behind this?

The container said

"microwavable."

But the aluminum

foil wasn't.

Well, I'm not supposed to worry

about stuff like that.

I'm the talent.

Daddy, we're down.

Not exactly warm

out here, is it?

- How long till we're airborne again?

- Nice plane!

- Not till tomorrow.

- Ah, terrific. Where are we?

Not happy!

We're on a private field

an hour outside of Trenton.

Jersey?

We're in New Jersey?

Hey, wait a minute.

Am I being Punk'd?

Where's Ashton?

Ha!

Ashton!

Oh my God!

Ha ha.

You totally got me!

Ashton?

I love it that you're taking me home

to meet your mom.

Was this one of your

clever little plans?

Yes. I planned you

setting the plane on fire.

Surprise!

Ow!

Oh, my little boy.

Be right down.

La da da, da da

La da da da

La da da, da da

La da da da

La da da, da da

Da da da da.

I do not remember

Jersey being this cold.

Well, it's been uncommonly

cold this month.

We've gone through

seven bags of rock salt.

Your house is just

so quaint, Mrs. Brander,

I mean, Chris, you never told me

you were so provincial.

It's like a true

rags to riches story,

but I've always found the middle class to

be just so much more real.

I mean, isn't Chris great?

Yeah, he is a nice boy.

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