Just Getting Started

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1

Welcome to the Villa Capri.

Located in the heart of the desert

is the resort community

that takes you to paradise.

You've worked hard all of your life,

and now...

No!

That son of a b*tch

is in Palm Springs.

He's basking

in the sun and playing golf.

While my husband

is drinking toilet wine in supermax!

Now the only thing that I want

from you for Christmas

is that rat's head in a box!

And make it look like it's an accident.

A few more days till Christmas

My favorite time of year

If we're lucky we'll see Santa

Rudolph and his eight reindeer

The snow keeps on fallin'

Sleddin' down the hill

Frosty's frozen on the lawn

Countin' down the days until

We gather 'round decorate the tree

Singin' holiday songs

Spices fill the air

Smell of cookies everywhere

- Hi, Duke.

- Hey.

A few more days to Christmas

The very best time of year

Firelight is glowing

On everything we hold dear

Just a few more days till Christmas

A few more days

Till Christmas is here

- Hi.

- Thank you.

Santa!

Oh! You're very generous, Duke.

Could I get you to sign

this receipt for me?

Sure thing. You just bought your way off

- the naughty list.

- Pleasure.

Rudolph and his eight reindeer

Firelight is glowing

On everything we hold dear

Just a few more days till Christmas

A few more days till Christmas

- Hey boss!

- Great job, guys. Very festive.

- Excuse me. This is Mr. Diver's spot.

- Perfect!

Mr. Diver make you wear those clothes?

Shine it up for me, Elf.

- Nice tree.

- Who is that in my parking spot?

Oh, that's a new resident,

Leo McKay.

Yeah, he just checked in

last night and he's actually very...

He's got a ten-gallon hat

on a five-gallon head.

Paid all cash.

Cash?

Well...

Let's invite him to my private poker game.

You got it.

I'll show him who's boss.

- In the nicest way.

- Of course.

- It's crooked.

- Hm?

- And there's a bald spot.

- So what? A lot of trees have flaws.

A lot of people have flaws.

You can put the bad side

of a tree against the wall.

What do you do

with the bad side of people?

- That's deep.

- Write it down.

Greetings, my darling.

Be a dear and get 5,000

out of petty cash for me.

Not a problem.

Got some stuff for you to sign here, sir.

Did you know that the builders

of the great cathedrals of Europe

would leave a small flaw

in the stone somewhere

just to acknowledge

that only God is perfect?

Where do you learn all this stuff?

College of life, my boy.

Well, we've got

the gardener's Christmas bonus,

the extra security cameras for your villa,

the bonus you asked me

to pay out to the entire staff,

live animals for the nativity scene.

The camels were a little expensive.

You can't a nativity without camels.

The Wise Men came from the East.

Got to give them respect.

Oh, and we have a letter

from the Rotary Club

confirming your acceptance

- of Man of the Year Honors...

- I can't accept. Can't accept.

I'm uncomfortable in the limelight.

You seem comfortable in the limelight.

My golf clubs! Oh, perfect, perfect!

So, I had them close the face

on the driver by a degree and a half.

You've been slicing a little recently.

Should take care of it.

Good, good, good.

I think I'll just run on out to the range

and let the big dogs eat.

Oh, Duke!

Hm?

- Five thou. Mm-hm.

- Thank you, my darlin'.

Duke, you checkin' me out?

Every delicious inch.

That's a nice tree you got this year.

Well, thank you,

but I'm a little concerned

that some of the residents

might not like a flocked tree.

Well, you know me, Duke.

I like a nice flockin' from time to time.

A bit of Henkell's Trocken

for my darlin'?

Whatever.

It's a little before

my bedtime, but...

Aw, it's always your bedtime, Duke.

But darlin', you know a man's nature

is a man's...

Hey, why don't I go and enhance

the fireplace in the boudoir.

Would you like that?

- Yeah, I would.

- Okay!

Hope you don't mind.

I let myself in.

Pour moi?

Uh... of course!

What is the color of that silk

against your skin?

There's a painting by Caravaggio.

You could have been...

It's plum.

And you're my plum.

Oh!

Listen, darling, I... I'm just gonna go

and... lock up, turn out all the lights,

and come back

and submit to your every whim.

My every whim.

Oh... Hurry back.

Uh... Marguerite darlin',

I... I think the...

Zoloft and the Lipitor

are kicking in a little early on me.

I... I feel woozy.

- Hold on a minute.

- What?

Have you got

another woman in there?

Oh, Marguerite... you hurt me

with your accusation.

You twist the knife. The wound bleeds.

You... you get such pleasure

out... out of my discomfort.

- I... I just don't...

- Hold on a second, mister.

You didn't answer my question.

Darling, trust me...

I speak from the heart when I say...

Yes, there's a woman in the bedroom.

All right. Well...

I know I'm not your one and only,

and we've got a grown-up relationship.

- Yes.

- So, I'll...

Well, I'll just say good night.

- I'm fine.

- N... no! Let me, let me...

- let me walk you to your door, okay?

- Mm-hm.

In your own way, Duke,

you are strangely chivalrous.

Merci beaucoup.

Still a cat,

of course, but you got rules.

Aw, I consider myself a gentleman.

And so, "Good night. Good night.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

I shall say good night

till it be 'morrow."

Can I quote you on that?

Well, you be my guest, Romeo.

Actually, I'm... I'm surprised you even

considered a little romance tonight

given the circumstances.

Circumstances?

Well, this is your poker night.

Ciao.

Uh... poker?

Poker!

I got the feeling that the Duke

needed a little... Roberta.

Uh, yes.

The Duke... the Duke always needs

a little Roberta.

Well, from the way you just said it,

it sounds like a "not tonight".

Well, I have a meeting

that requires urgent attention, darling.

- At night?

- It's morning in China.

Uh, well, good night, good night, darling.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

"A horse, a horse.

My kingdom for a horse."

Mm-hm.

So, a guy comes home from the doctor's.

He tells his wife,

"Honey, I got terrible news."

Terrible news.

"Doctor says, I only got

12 hours to live."

- Uh-huh.

- Wife says, "Oh dear, that's terrible.

That's terrible. I'll do anything for you.

Whatever you want."

And he says, "I want to have wild sex

with you all night long."

And she looks at him and says,

"Easy for you to say. You don't have

to get up in the morning."

That's funny! That's very funny!

All right. Who's betting?

Who's betting? Who's betting?

It's me, and I'm goin' in for big money.

'cause I wanna take everything you got.

I'll see your 100 and raise you two.

That' a 100 bucks!

I'll see you, I'll see you.

I heard this is where the action's at.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Leo McKay. I'm moving into um...

Villa 71. Welcome, neighbor.

Hi.

I'm Duke Diver, resident manager

of this little corner of paradise.

- These are my cronies.

- Duke's a legend.

Legends ain't what they used to be,

are they?

Yeah, but you don't know Duke.

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