Just Getting Started Page #2

---

He's a resident champion

of everything around here.

Guys, you're embarrassing me.

I'm just a country boy

tryin' to fade into the sunset

with smile on my face.

Ain't we all?

But I gotta warn you, cousin,

we play for real money here.

Well, I'll try to keep up.

- Oh.

- Holy sh*t... That's a wad, man!

Sh*t just got real up in here!

That's my alimony, I can't, man,

this is two months...

Okay.

Now, where you from, Leo?

I'm a citizen of the world.

Mogadishu, Jakarta, Kabul.

All the vacation spots.

- Military?

- No. Ex-military.

Currently entrepreneur.

International trade.

I buy stuff, sell stuff.

Like?

Gas, guns, oil, trains, trucks.

Big stuff. I like big stuff.

And a man of mystery.

How about we play some cards?

What's your game, cousin?

You like Five Card Draw, Stud,

Omaha, Texas Hold 'Em?

Texas will do.

Deal 'em, Joey.

And a five and a ten, ten.

Ace high.

Why don't we double that.

- Wow.

- You guys are bank robbers.

Gotta know when to fold.

My 700. Here's the river.

Look at that!

I'm gonna... just for the sh*t's sake,

I'm gonna bump it two.

There's nine.

- Burt, what are you? You all-in?

- I'm out.

And I'm all-in.

Oh man! What we gonna do?

Okay, y'all. Read 'em and weep.

- Full boat, aces up.

- Holy sh*t!

We warned ya, Leo!

- That's four tens.

- What?

- Four tens.

- Damn, he beat Duke.

I am deader than dead.

I'm all cleaned out.

Damn, I was lucky!

Sometimes you step in horseshit

and you wind up smellin'...

Excuse me, you know,

I think that one's mine.

I didn't see that.

What do you want? Why'd you come here?

I came here to continue developing

my business empire

while working on my shaky golf game.

Oh, you... you play golf?

Not well, but honestly and earnestly.

Well, uh, perhaps

you will give me the chance

to win back my money on the golf course.

Perhaps I will.

You know, a true gentleman

does not walk away a winner.

A true gentleman keeps the game alive.

Oh, my, my, my, my! Behold the evidence.

Whatever can it mean?

She's lookin' for deep comfort

and companionship and maybe a soulmate.

Nuh-uh.

She's not lookin' for soulmate.

She's lookin' for a few precious hours

of intimate connections

with no questions asked.

Maybe I'll just go over there

and pick up the tab, huh?

Can't compete with that.

Sh*t!

Well, could if I wanted to.

Can I buy you another round?

You can scram is what you can do.

The first noel

The angel did say

Was to certain poor shepherds

In fields as they lay

In fields where they

Lay keeping their sheep

Season's greetin's, y'all.

Good news to report.

Mike Shank from villa 68

had a successful hip replacement surgery

and should be back to the Villa Capri

in just a few days.

What the...

That's not my regular camel guy.

Where's my regular camel guy?

Uh, he's uh, under the weather.

Oh, uh, corporate is sending

a regional director down

to do a year-end review in case it...

slipped your mind.

I will look down upon him

from a great height. Bring him on.

Yeah. Bring him on.

Ladies, have you seen the new guy?

He's moving into villa 71.

There's new food on the buffet.

Yes.

Oh, in the air, there's a feelin'

of Christmas.

I'm Leo McKay,

and you young ladies might be...

Look at that.

I spent years juggling stories

to keep those women apart,

and in 20 minutes,

he's got them lined up for a three-way.

Well, uh, four-way if anybody's countin'.

He's not showing me any respect.

- No respect.

- No. Nothin'.

But he's gonna find out this is my town.

You're the Duke and this is your domain.

I told you.

- Don't upset him, Larry!

- Duke don't like that.

- Well, hello.

- Hello.

I'm Roberta. We met earlier.

You know, I neglected to mention

that as president

of the Glad-Handers Welcome Wagon Club

here at Villa Capri Resort Community,

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas.

Oh! You know,

I could help you fix the place up.

You know, a little Feng Shui.

Oh!

- I got skills.

- I'll bet you do.

What you got back here? The dinin' room?

The bedroom. Giddy-up!

Hi. I'm Marguerite

with the Welcome Wagon Club.

- Are you a Glad-Hander?

- How'd you know?

As secretary-treasurer, I brought

a little somethin' to warm up your place.

- A work of art.

- My sentiments exactly.

- And thank you.

- For what?

Did you just invite me in

for a little vino?

Red? I love red.

I love white. I love it all.

Well, then how about a lovely Margaux

for a lovely Margot? Can I call you that?

You can call me whatever you like.

By the way, I am in villa 52.

And I'm in villa 36.

What you gonna call me?

Oh my God! How did you get here before me?

You know that the by-laws

of our club clearly state

that the president

and not the secretary-treasurer

should be the first Welcomer on the scene.

Okay, well let's just call this

an unofficial visit.

- Unofficial?

- Why don't we just have a taste

of this delightful vintage?

- Oh!

- Don we now our straight apparel.

- Oh, my God!

- And what office

of Glad-Handers Welcome Wagon Club

might you hold?

Sergeant-at-arms.

Flag flying stiff and ready, I bet.

I think this party's just gettin' started.

- Here, why don't I take you to dinner?

- All of us?

Thank you.

- Oh, boy.

- Oh, yes, sir.

Look at him. Look at him.

He's got all three of 'em?

He's bangin' your entire harem, boss.

Oh my God! Some big,

brass huevos he's got!

Is he punkin' you, boss?

He's playin' into my hand

is what he's doin'.

He said his golf game is shaky,

am I right?

- That's what he said.

- That's what he said.

Well, gentlemen, who knows

this golf course better than me?

- Old cowboy's in trouble now.

- Oh, I feel bad for Leo.

We'll see.

I hereby challenge you to 18 holes of golf

tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. sharp.

Cowboy done stepped in it now.

We hear that you consider

yourself a citizen of the world.

Now exactly what does that mean to you?

It means that I have traveled

from the Cape of Good Hope

to the Black Sea,

from Machu Picchu to Brunelleschi's Dome.

I have been to the birthplace

of Mr. Shakespeare.

And I have been to the gravesite

of Mr. Lombardi.

Oh.

I rose from the dusty fields

to the gilded halls of power,

first in the military

and then in the business world,

and yet, to this day, I retain my touch

to the common man!

For that is who I am.

Oh, Mr. McKay, you are indeed a poet.

I'm not a poet but I have read

the great works.

Would you favor us with a poem?

Pretty please.

Well, why not? Um, Baudelaire?

More modernist, maybe?

Yeats? Williams? Cummings?

Or... or perhaps something a little more...

earthier with a...

backdrop of Christmas.

The last one.

May I?

Uh..

"There are strange things done

in the midnight sun

By the men who moil for gold;

The Artic trails have their savage tales

That will make your blood run cold;

The Northern Lights

have seen queer sights,

But the queerest they ever did see

Was that night on the marge

of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee."

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes