Just Getting Started Page #3

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- Romeo! Romeo!

- "Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee..."

Oh, Romeo! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, he broke away.

He's a sweetheart

but I can never shut him up.

Sit. Be a good dog.

Sit down.

How'd you do that?

I like dogs.

Oh! Yeah?

- I'm Leo McKay.

- Oh, Suzie Quince.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

I'm so sorry to interrupt

whatever it is you're doing.

That's quite all right.

Okay. Well, carry on.

"On Christmas Day we were mushing

our way along the Dawson trail.

Talk of your cold!

Through the parkas fold.

It stabbed like a...

it stabbed like a driven nail."

Sr. Jimnez!

Miguel Jimnez! That's it.

Here he comes.

That's it. Loosen up, Dukie.

You got 'em now.

Good morning! I accept your challenge.

Well, I'm loose as a goose.

Mark Twain said that golf

is a good walk spoiled, but I say...

It's a good walk enhanced.

Except that neither one of us

is walking, huh?

Details, details, details.

I am a big picture man.

Uh, boss, we got a problem.

- What?

- This guy can flat-out play!

He said his game was shaky.

His shaky is better than your shaky.

- Wait...

- Boss.

We watched him warm up this morning.

This guy can flat out hit. I ain't lyin'.

I got a short game.

He's got a short game, too,

and a long game.

I assume I have the honors.

Uh, yes, you do.

Um, just a word of caution.

Out of bounds is to your right.

That's the way I like it.

It's to the left.

Oh sh*t! The guy can hit the ball.

Is that a legal club?

I don't think that's a legal club.

My side bet with you is off.

We might as well get some new girlfriends.

Thanks for the confidence, fellas.

Gee whiz!

Well, you're a thinking man.

It's a thinking man's game.

I think I'm gonna

hit a three wood out here.

Three wood. Good idea.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah that'll be good.

Yeah, okay.

Let it fly.

Oh sh*t!

It's a damn cobra!

- Gun! Gun!

- I... I... I got it! I got it!

- Damn!

- I got it! I got it!

You see that?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Okay, die, viper!

- You got him surrounded.

- Still movin'!

Don't hurt yourself with that thing.

Somebody bring a beer cooler, please.

Somebody put a cap on...

put a top on the bucket.

I never had you figured

for a man packin' iron

even if it is a peashooter.

You never know

who's lurkin' around.

Take him to the Serpentarium in 29 Palms.

Look out! Look out!

Sit... sit on that thing.

Sit on it, you're the biggest.

Come on.

Oh! Goddamn!

Wait! Wait!

- You're good. Sit on it now. Sit down.

- Sit down.

Oh, we're good.

I almost got bit.

I'm not going anywhere near that golf bag.

You bailin' out of our game?

I have trouble swingin' a golf club

with a rattlesnake wrapped around it, Leo.

- You're afraid to play me.

- I'm not afraid of anything or anyone.

Coward.

Doin' a good job, Burt.

- Come on, I need a drink.

- I think it's happy hour.

- ...sit on that thing...

Leo, hell am I supposed to do now?

Hell, I don't know. Not my problem.

Sit on it!

When a man lets another man

take care of his golf bag, Jimmy,

he has certain expectations.

You think a snake zipped himself

into a pocket in my bag?

Snakes don't have opposable thumbs.

This was not an accident.

Sh*t!

What took you so long?

Oh, thank you.

I see I'm gonna have

to teach you a lesson.

I would love to have another poker lesson

unless you find it easier

just to write me a check.

Tell me somethin',

did you move to Villa Capri

just to piss me off?

No, that was just a happy by-product.

But this anger is doin' you a lot of good.

It gets the blood circulating

throughout your entire body

instead of down there in your little ol'...

You're lucky I have a commitment

of a higher calling at home.

You and I... just gettin' started.

I can hardly wait.

Nice fella.

Tell me he's dead.

I... I... I know!

I told you to make it look

like an accident,

but a snake in his golf bag?

Sweetie,

murder him the old-fashioned way.

Attention, residents:

The annual tree lighting

is about to begin in the banquet hall.

Come enjoy the holiday season,

sip some eggnog,

and see everyone's favorite Santa Claus.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

'Tis the season

To be jolly fa-la-la...

Hey, uh, whoa, whoa!

Santa, what the hell

do you think you're doin'?

- This is my job.

- Oh, no, no, no. It's not.

I was hired by the corporation

that owns Villa Capri

and 26 other luxury villages

in California.

My party rental company will supply

Santas, Easter Bunnies,

fife and drum trios for the Fourth,

and all holidays through the year.

I just signed the contract.

Well, ho, ho, ho.

You're tellin' me

you're a corporate Santa?

- It's a gig.

- It's a sacred trust!

Sacred trust to you.

20 bucks an hour to me.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa-la-la-la-la...

It's a disgrace.

'Tis the season to be jolly

Hello, Palms Springs!

Thank you all for comin' out.

Duke's not gonna like this.

- Who is this guy?

- Here comes the freight train.

I got your ho-ho right here.

Yes!

That ain't the real Santa.

I'm the real Santa.

This guy's a fraud, a phony.

He's a sleazy, corporate heathen!

Go, Black Santa!

There ya go! Back to the North Pole!

What got into you?

I don't like people

f***ing with Santa Claus.

Arturo.

Here you are, gentlemen.

You, my friend, are a gentleman

and a scholar,

and you are indeed here on business.

Whatever that is.

My business is my business,

but your business seems to be

sitting in a catbird seat

of one-night stands

and Thursday night specials

and Tuesday nooners.

Which holds

no special satisfaction for me.

What? No Tuesday nooners?

I'm not interested in your girlfriends.

But I could endure

the courtship of a soulmate.

Appreciate it, thank you.

Good. Good boy.

In fact, the perfect soulmate for me

might very well be Miss Suzie Quince

sitting right there.

You... you know her name?

I move like the wind.

- You mean you met her already?

- At a taco truck.

You liar.

Her dog's name is Romeo.

Romeo?

Well, I think Romeo is precisely

what she's looking for tonight.

Santa from the southern hemisphere.

If she falls for a drunk Santa Claus,

I've badly misjudged her character.

Watch this.

And I'm not drunk.

Hi.

Hi.

My name is St. Nicholas.

You can call me Nick.

Susan.

I was just... I was just doing

some Christmas tree lighting and stuff

with some people who needed some joy.

Well, I guess a half-wit Santa

who does kind deeds

for lonely people can't do much harm.

Then I'll take that

as an invitation.

Here we are. Christmas season.

Nobody's home.

Family long gone. Kids far away.

Is there a husband lurking around?

- Hm?

- No.

- First one flew the coop.

- Ah!

Got married again and I flew the coop.

Lots of coops.

- So, you'll never try it again?

- Mm-mm.

I decided my final marriage

would be to my job.

That's kind of sad.

It's focused. It's not sad.

You look... sad.

Well, I've been sent here on business

to fire someone before the year is out

during the Christmas season, so...

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