Just Getting Started Page #4

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Well, if a guy is not up to the task,

the quicker you do it, the better, right?

Mm... Yeah.

Season's greetings. Clean out your desk.

That's not so easy.

But at least the music cheers me up.

I love Johnny Mathis.

I have all 42 of his albums.

- Really?

- All 42.

Johnny is a good friend of mine.

- Come on!

- No, really.

You know Johnny Mathis?

We're practically brothers.

You know, your hair shines like the shun.

The "shun"?

You know, big-ass ball

that rises in the East,

- sets in the San Bernardino mountains.

- Oh, yeah. Okay.

- You know something?

- Huh?

- Santa Claus...

- Hey.

I think we need to go. Let this young lady

- have some time to herself.

- Thank you.

This is Leo.

- Leo is my buddy.

- Hello, Leo.

Gentleman and a scholar.

I gotta get you outta here, man.

You're drunk.

- I'm not drunk, Leo.

- I know.

- Just overserved.

- Come on.

- Okay, come on.

- I'll see you later.

I appreciate the intervention,

thank you.

Yeah, good boy.

You know, I ever tell you

what a gentleman and a scholar you are?

Yeah, you did. You did.

Get your ass in the truck.

Watch my knees.

They're old knees.

Thank you, partner.

Thank you.

My friend.

Leo... You are a very mysterious man.

I just play my cards close, that's all.

No, I mean...

I mean, I mean you're easy to talk to.

Hm?

And I got a big secret. Ginormous secret.

- You wanna hear it?

- No, not really, no.

Seriously, Leo.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

You're not a serious man.

A serious man would

not have behaved himself

in front of Miss Suzie Quince

the way you did.

What?

You're just jealous

because she was so receptive. You...

You are not as charming

as you think you are.

Hey...

agree to disagree, babe.

- I need a cup of coffee.

- You need a new liver.

You should have seen

what she was doin' with her eyes.

I did. She was looking for an exit.

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright

'Round yon virgin...

Duke, you still rule

this one side of town.

- Yeah.

- Kick corporate's ass.

Leo's, uh, a pretty good guy.

To the status quo.

The way we've always done things.

- Status quo.

- Duke.

- What?

- Boss is here.

The hell are you talkin' about?

I'm the boss.

I mean, the regional director.

Oh, yeah. Send his sorry-ass in.

Hello,

I'm Suzie Quince, regional director.

I... thought...

I thought you said you were...

sent down here to evaluate

somebody's job performance,

maybe fire them before the year was out?

When you're not Santa Claus,

are you Duke Diver?

- Probably.

- Well, when a man's not up to the task,

it's best to get it over with quick.

Guys, guys, why don't you go out

and practice

your shuffleboard stroke or something?

There are many, many irregularities.

You're damn right,

and I got one I wanna report right now.

Please do.

They sent us a very, very bad Santa Claus.

I wanna know who hired him.

I did.

I made a deal

with a national party rental firm

to service all our outlets.

- Our outlets?

- Yes.

Lady, this is our home.

We have a way of doing things

here... that work.

This isn't your company, Mr. Diver.

- Protocols are not being followed.

- Protocols?

Everybody's happy here.

Aren't you happy?

And happiness is not a condition, lady.

- It's a choice.

- No! Okay. Well, you know what?

I don't need your pop psychology,

Dr. Phil.

And don't knock Dr. Phil.

He's a personal friend of mine.

Oh, Johnny Mathis and Dr. Phil.

You're an unhappy woman.

And you're wrong about me.

Well, happiness can be found

in a lot of places

including a fine bar late at night.

Alone?

- Jimmy?

- Hm?

Have the bookkeeper gather

all records, receipts, contracts,

and have them on my desk in the morning

along with every piece of paper

that Duke Diver ever signed.

Uh, you want every single one?

Every single one.

I suppose you want a tour.

Of the entire operation.

Romeo.

Oh sh*t!

I think you're going to be

very impressed

with what we have going on here.

Oh, tango.

Duke's idea.

Oh, tai chi.

Also Duke's idea.

Now, I think you're going to be

especially impressed with this.

- This is very important...

- This is our regular Thursday class.

Real sex, loving sex,

affectionate, tender, nasty, dirty sex

still must be part of your daily

existence.

The older we get, the better it gets.

Duke's idea.

Catching on.

In defense of Mr. Diver,

this place is always packed.

Last week we had this expert on group sex,

and he said that the...

Oh... there's experts on that?

Yes.

And he was very,

very good.

Okay.

I know that you feel

like you might have seen enough, but

I promise you this place

is absolutely wonderful.

The rocks. You can see

the rock formations.

I don't know if you've studied geology,

but I just, I really hope you can

come to love it here the way we all do.

I mean, Duke is doing a great job.

If you could just...

It really is beautiful out here.

Leo.

Oh sh*t! Oh, this is bad.

This is gonna be bad!

There was some blue in there.

That's stunning.

Yes, you are.

So, uh, you rescue damsels in distress,

you're a poet, and you paint.

I'm exploring my feminine side.

So, uh, are you friends with Duke Diver?

Seems like an odd combination.

Friend is a very strong word.

It's primal.

Yeah. It is.

Son of a b*tch, what is he up to?

I thought you said

you had to uncover enough irregularities

so you could fire me.

Well, I'm still reviewing the books.

Your friend's a painter.

Who knew?

It's the San Jacinto mountains.

- It's the what?

- It's the San Jacinto mountains.

If this is the San Jacinto mountains,

Bob Hope's house is right here.

I'm not puttin'

Bob Hope's house in my picture.

Thought it would make it better,

if you'd ask me.

No. Do you see the influence of Czanne...

...I owe everything to Czanne.

Oh, I see a little more expressionism

than impressionism.

A little bit more Kirchner than Czanne.

Maybe just a tiny touch

of Friedensreich Hundertwasser.

I remind you of Friedrich Hundertwasser?

Hm. I may have to reassess my own work.

This is sh*t!

Romeo? Romeo!

Oh, no, no!

Oh, God!

Romeo!

Thank you.

Oh, Leo, thank you.

Oh, Romeo. Thank you so much.

Hop in the truck

and I will take you to the vet.

Oh, Leo!

Mr. Hero.

There. Bob Hope's house.

Looks better. It's not that damn hard.

I have sad news

to report to the Villa Capri family today.

Mike Shank in villa 68

had a massive coronary

late last night while I was visiting.

My presence was a total coincidence.

Great, fellas. This is great.

This is your finest work.

Hey, where you been, boss?

Miss Quince.

She wants my neck and Leo's bed.

Well, what you gonna do?

This is war!

Everything I've worked for at Villa Capri,

everything I've built is at stake.

And if the corporation takes over,

our very way of life disappears,

gentlemen.

Miss Quince is evil.

- She is evil, but she's hot.

- What you gonna do, boss?

I'm gonna use my legendary charm,

if I may be so humble...

- Mm-hm.

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