Just Jim Page #3

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( Electric guitar solo)

Hey, Sexy pants.

Women are weapons.

Their sexiness is an asset

they will use against you.

You have to rely on charm.

If you don't have anything nice to say,

don't say anything.

Got it.

Did you sleep last night?

You have terrible bags under the eyes.

- Oh, no, they were born that way.

- Oh, that's a shame.

You look malnourished.

How much aftershave did you put on'?

You smell like sh*t.

Really?

- Shave down there'!

- You didn't tell me to.

If there's a kiss,

you stick your tongue down her throat,

show her you're the man.

If she's playing with her hair,

you go for a boob grab, squeeze tight.

Skip all oral. It's too complicated.

Show her the lat and it's a done deal.

Good luck.

Don't be yourself.

Don't smile, be cool.

Come on, show me your cool face.

Show me the f***ing ice box.

I am cool.

- Hi.

- Hi.

No, thanks.

- Are you sure'?

- Yeah.

Excuse me, would it be possible

to change my seal?

No.

- What drink do you want?

- Um...

Er, two beers, gorgeous.

- Can I see your ID'?

- My ID'?

Yeah.

Actually, I'll have a water, please.

You'?

- Can I have a beer'?

- Sure.

Nice.

How is it'?

It's good.

We have to try and be quiet.

I've never kissed anyone before,

so it's probably not

going to be up to standards.

- Do you like mat'!

- Not really.

(Computer game sound effects)

Did you see that'?

(Jackie) 'I constantly wake up

and I can't move my body

'and I feel like

somethings holding me down.

'I get like that all the time.'

(Jim) 'l have a scary dream.

'I'm in a plane and the pilot comes up

and he says, "We're about to crash."

'I don't know why he tells me,

but, anyway, we start falling.

'We're jumping into the water

and then...'

I remember that hitting water

really hard is like hitting concrete,

so we're going to die anyway.

Then I get this idea to take my shoes off

and I chuck them into the water

and it causes a splash

for me to dive into

and I survive.

- Smart.

- I wonder what it means, though.

Probably doesn't mean anything.

(Jim) What do you want to do

when you're older?'

(Jackie) 'l want to do something

significant, and then die at an early age.'

Ah, it's been a long time.

Don't expect anything extraordinary,

not to start with, anyway.

Ah.

God, golf is good.

Just need to get rid

of this belly fat, that's all.

If I was to give you

one piece of advice,

it would be:
Don't let your wife

become your best friend

because you lose all other friends.

I mean, I'm not unhappy or anything.

I'm just saying I've no friends.

How's Jimbo doing'!

Honestly, not so good.

Do you find he lies a lot'!

Yeah, I guess.

Anyways, I'm sure it's nothing.

What do you say that you let me

take you and the beautiful lady

out to dinner tonight?

Oh, that would be lovely.

Thank you, yeah.

I'm so glad he's got a nice friend.

- Sure, OK.

- We've been really worried about him.

- Are you smoking?

- No.

Don't tell your mother.

I'll get the balls.

- How did it go?

- Yeah, it was pretty good.

The boob grab wasn't a highlight,

but overall good.

Did you do what I told you?

- All the way, right?

- Yeah, we went most of the way.

We ended up playing computer games

which was pretty cool.

You ready for the party tonight?

- What party?

- The one you're throwing.

- What about my parents'?

- It's all planned, OK?

A small gathering.

I'm gonna take your parents out

around seven.

I'll get them high and drunk

until the early hours.

I may have to f*** your mum

if there's a dip.

Thanks so much.

- Are you sure you don't want to come?

- No, I've got the shits.

On, Jim!

- Bye.

- Bye.

(Tyres screech)

Holy sh*t!

( RALEIGH RITCHIE; "Bad Place")

Now, me, myself and I

Me, I have two sides

I will get by, I will survive

With all that getting high provides,

I'm a guy without ties

So get away, get away

Please don't touch me

Either stare al me or f*** me...

- Well done with the race, Jack.

- The name's Jim. Get him out.

Only king skins, peoples,

please pass the roach

A bit of weed might work,

a bit of weed won't hurt

A couple of pills, maybe din,

maybe not, maybe worse

I wanna be liked, I wanna be hyped,

I wanna be there, I wanna be here

I wanna be there,

I wanna be everywhere on earth

Double up my dose,

sh*t, I think I'm getting close

Gone from magic to my most

once I've had it down my throat

Gel away, get away

Gel away, don'! Stay

Get away, get away,

I'm in a pretty bad place

Gel away, get away

You want to settle

for the east light

Hello, goodbye

to all the creatures of the night

I'm tuning into my third-eyed mind

because it's a very special time

Gel away or get high

People don't like me,

I wonder what the issue is

I wonder if I'm paranoid,

or am I being sensitive?

Every man for himself,

unsure what my mission is

All these little people in my ear,

why can't they let me live

It's all taken a turn,

I watch the wide world

I smoke it all away

and let the demons come and play

I'm f***ing steaming,

best believe it, mate

I need to get my genie straight

I need lo make a change

because I'm sick of being lion bait

Speak in turn,

there's only one, me and you

You're the yin to my yang,

to my black you're my blue...

- Sorry we had to leave early.

- Absolutely, yeah.

Must be a bug going round

or something.

(Tyres screech)

- There's someone a! The door for you.

- All right.

Hey.

Why are you telling people

we shagged?

I'm not.

I kissed you

because I felt sorry for you.

- Yeah, I...

- Now f*** off and leave me alone.

You're f***ing dead, son.

There's no way you won that race.

- What are you doing?

- I'll fight you for her.

- You're a f***ing prick.

- Yeah, boy, you're dead.

I'm not gonna fight you for her.

She likes me now.

She likes you because

I weren't allowed to see her.

Your friend said

he'd sh*t down my neck.

That's f***ed-up sh*t.

Do it, Mike. F*** him up.

- Why would you do this to me?

- Do what?

You know 'what. You're a dick.

- Don't f***ing push me.

- You're f***ing weird.

Leon's right, you're a freak.

I'm glad I'm not your friend any more.

OK. Well, whatever.

F*** you! Get the f*** off me!

- You're f***ing mental.

- (Mum) Jim!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Get off!

- Get off me!

(Headmaster) 'You've done it, son.

'I'm putting you forward for the nationals.

I want you taking this seriously.'

(Echoey voice) Training every day,

eating property.

You know, I realised

I was in school with your old man.

He was the complete opposite to you.

Kept his head down and that was it.

'Bloody hell. He was bullied, mind.

'BY me:

(Dad) 'Maybe we should send him

to see someone.'

(Dean) 'He thinks you prefer his sister.'

(Mum) 'OK.'

(Dean) And again, I don't want

lo make him step in it,

but he cheated on the school race.

And...

when I firs! Met him,

he said you had guns, Dad.

(Dad) 'Hal I don't.'

And he stole a knife

from the supermarket.

- You caught him stealing cheese once.

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