Just Married Page #6

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I don't know how he found us.

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe it was magic.

No, Peter must be a warlock.

That's yours.

Yeah, sure. It matches perfect

with my red leather panties!

OK, I met a woman at a bar.

Nothing happened.

You picked up a total stranger at a bar,

brought her back to our honeymoon suite,

and took off her disgusting red bra?

Nothing happened, I swear.

No, the bra just jumped off

her bare naked breasts.

Sarah...

You sit there and make me feel guilty

for a kiss, a kiss that I didn't even want for the first place!

Don't tell me you didn't want it!

You wanted it! I could see from

the balcony that you wanted it!

I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

Son of a biatch!

- Oh, my skull is on fire!

- Oh, oh, oh, OK...

- Who is it?

- Room service.

Just... You just...

- No, go away!

- Listen, I'm leaving.

Last chance. Come with me to Seattle.

Hello, Peter. So glad you could join us.

Welcome to the honeymoon from hell,

shitheel!

What are you doing, Tom?

I think it's time for Peter and I to tangle!

- See? You have no future with this lunatic!

- Shut up!

Tom, you're acting a little crazy!

Maybe it's cos I just got hit in the head

with a ten-pound ashtray!

I gotta warn you, Leezak. I studied

karate with a Chinese grandmaster.

Yeah? Well, I hope he showed you

how to pull a fire poker out of your ass!

Tom, put the poker down.

Fredo, call the police!

Polizia!

Move, move, move!

You sat at our wedding!

You heard us take our vows.

And you still had the nerve

to show up on our honeymoon

and try to have sex with my wife!

Run, you coward!

You stay away from my wife!

I didn't...

- Please, stop! That's my husband!

- Signorina, si calmi.

- Maybe they were right.

- Who?

Everyone. They said that

we were too young,

and that we needed to get

to know each other better.

Maybe they were right.

Maybe love isn't enough.

Peter Prentiss vi ha pagato la cauzione.

What did he say?

Peter just bailed us out.

Well, that's just jim-dandy.

Forget it.

- I'm going home.

- Yeah, me too!

Passports, please.

Are you leaving with any fruit,

vegetables or currency in excess of $10,000?

No. No, but my husband does have

two pounds of hash hidden in his rectum.

The first sex I had on my honeymoon

was with a man named Santino.

And you're laughing?

Excuse me, stewardess. Can I...?

Uh, can I get one of those, uh...

doughnut pillows?

Yeah, right away.

Sweet girl.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Argh!

I feel like we've been married for 50 years.

Oh, you should be so lucky.

- Tell me how Peter ended up in our hotel.

- Tell me what really happened with Red Bra.

What? What? What are you looking at?

- I hope you used a rubber.

- No, I didn't! It didn't get that far.

- I hope Peter used one though.

- They don't sell condoms that big.

Ha, ha, ha!

That's funny. You hear that?

We got a comedian on the plane.

- You want me to make you laugh?

- Yeah.

You think I'm reall funny I'm moving out when I get home.

How funny is that?

- Great!

- The second we get home.

- I'm done talking now.

- Me too.

And that was it. Game over.

- What's up?

- She came back to the apartment.

- Is she there now?

- No, she left.

- Did she say anything?

- She took all her stuff.

That can't be good.

Oh, and she left you this.

What's that?

Beer?

Come on, man. You're getting divorced.

Breakfast beer is a must.

- I need to talk to my dad. Give me a lift?

- Sure.

Gonna tell me

what you're chewing on?

I just don't know if love is enough any more.

What do you mean, "enough"?

I mean, even if Sarah and I do love each other,

maybe we did need more time

to get to know each other.

So... what you're saying here is

you had a couple of bad days in Europe,

and it's over.

Time to grow up, Tommy.

Some days your mother and me loved each

other. Other days we had to work at it.

You never see the hard days

in a photo album.

But those are the ones that get you

from one happy snapshot to the next.

I'm sorry your honeymoon stunk, but that's

what you got dealt. Now you gonna work through it.

Sarah doesn't need a guy with

a fat wallet to make her happy.

I saw how you love this girl.

How you two lit each other up.

She doesn't need any more security than that.

Thanks, Dad.

Is it over?

Not even close.

What you do here, Tom Leezak?

You no allowed here no more.

Open the gates, jack-in-the-box.

Me no jack-in-box! You jack-in-box!

Go away now!

Don't make me break my foot off in your ass.

Look, Yuan, I just need to talk to her.

Relationship over. She no like you any more.

- Open the goddamn gate!

- Shut up, Kyle!

Look, Yuan, did she actually

say those words to you?

She say you have KiKi with bimbo.

Same thing.

We are not leaving this intercom.

until Sarah herself confirms

that she is shitcanning Tom!

We're not.

All right, that is damn straight!

This is my wife! Now open up the gate!

Can't we give the guy a chance to explain?

Don't even think about it, Dickie.

Here's the deal either you're gonna open the gate,

or I'm gonna open the gate.

Either way, I'm coming in!

- We'll sic the hounds on you, Leezak!

- Bring 'em on, Willie!

What's going on?

You leave me no choice!

I'm gonna have to ram the gate!

Oh, I am so down with that!

- What we do now?

- Call the cops.

We call SWAT team on your ass!

I'm ramming the gate! I don't know if you're

hearing, but I am going to ram your gate!

- What is the commotion in here?

- Tom ram gate.

What the hell is this?

It's go time.

That is one strong gate.

Tom?

Look, Yuan, Willie,

whoever else is listening...

You don't want me to be with Sarah,

and I can't change that.

I don't know where we're gonna be

in ten, 20, 40 years.

I don't know who we're gonna be.

I don't know if I'm ever gonna

be able to give her all of this.

There are a million things that I don't know.

But there's one thing that I do.

And that's that I love Sarah.

And I am going to love her

day in and day out

for the rest of my life.

Now, will you please...

please...

open the gate so I can tell that to my wife.

I'm sorry, man.

Sometimes when it's over, it's just... over.

Drop the love bomb, baby! Yeah!

Now do you get it?

I love him, Daddy.

Then go get him.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I'm sorry.

- Me too.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

I miss wrecking airplane bathrooms

with you.

I miss sleeping with you inside a snowball.

And torching hotels in Europe.

I miss doing time in prison with you.

- Do you wanna try to...?

- Definitely.

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