Just Married Page #5

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- No reason.

- Does Kyle know something that I should know?

- No.

- You covered your nose.

- I had an itch.

You were hiding flared nostrils.

What do you have to tell?

OK...

It's just...

when Bags died,

he didn't exactly die

the way that I described it.

Him chasing the squawking pigeons

off the balcony?

That.

What happened?

Well... OK, I'm reading my magazine,

and I'm really I'm focusing, and I'm really into it.

And along comes Bags.

He comes trucking over,

and he starts tugging on my ankle.

And I was, like, "Bags, I'm... " I was like...

I think I even said "I'm trying to focus. "

And he looked up at me and gave me the

"Hey, are you gonna play with me or not?"

I was, like, "Yeah, I really just

wanna read, though, Bags. "

And... and...

he started pulling at my ankle again,

and so I grabbed the ball

and I was, like, "Go get it, buddy. "

I threw the ball over my shoulder, it went

out the window, Bags dove, and he died.

You killed Bags?

- It was an accident.

- And you lied about it all this time?

- Actually, it was more of an omission.

- No, it was more like a lie!

Where are you going?

- I have to figure out what to do with this.

- What does that mean?

I can deal with you being cheap and

I can deal with you being a shitty driver.

I cannot,not deal with you being a liar!

Wait a second.

This whole thing started with you

wanting to talk about something.

Well, I don't wanna talk about it right now.

So you feeling guilty about something, too.

Yes, there is something I "omitted"

that I don't wanna talk about right now.

You want a marriage

based on trust and honesty?

Well, here's your chance! Come on!

Yeah, yeah, you got it! I can see it! Bring it!

I slept with Peter Prentiss.

What?

- I slept with Peter...

- I heard you.

- I'm sorry.

- I need to hear everything.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do. That's what I do.

That's what I do.

I need to know everything.

Where you were, what you, what he did,

how small his wiener was. Everything.

- I was helping on an appraisal in Seattle...

- I don't wanna hear it!

- You slept with that...

- It was a long time ago.

- When?

- Before we...

- Got married?

- Yes!

- Engaged?

- Of course.

- Got together?

- Yes... No, no.

It was right after we met.

My parents were pressuring me to...

Aha. Imagine my surprise.

I was confused. I'm in Seattle.

He asked me out to dinner.

The champagne is flowing...

Please, try not to break into song.

My feelings for you were very, very strong,

and I needed to know that they were real.

I wasn't brought up to manage

feelings like that very well.

Yeah. You had a real tough upbringing.

- I need some air.

- Yeah? Me too.

Happy now? You broke it.

By the way, Peter's staying at the hotel.

That's funny!

- Hooker!

- Murderer!

- What's the score?

- 3-2, top of the ninth.

Are you American?

Good guess.

Where's Tom?

We don't feel the need to be

with each other all the time.

OK.

I just find it odd that

you're spending so much time apart

on your honeymoon.

Are you OK?

Peter... just go, please.

Go.

Sarah, Sarah...

- Why are you still here Peter?

- I'm not gonna leave you here like this.

Listen, I have a car. I'm having

a quick drink at a friend's house.

Just take a ride with me.

You know? Catch your breath.

I'll take you back to Tom.

- Champagne?

- Sure.

And that's the ball game!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I love this song!

No, wait, I really shouldn't...

I can't... No, listen.

Bernardo Salviati can actually

trace his family back to Machiavelli.

Huh.

Oh, wow. That's a big house.

Nextron's thinking of buying it,

turn it into a resort complex.

Buongiorno, Bernardo!

Peter, hello.

Good to see you.

Bernardo, Sarah McNerney.

Ciao, Bernardo.

Tell me, pretty one,

what brings you to Venice?

Oh, I'm on my honeymoon.

- Your honeymoon?

- Yeah.

- She's so young to be married.

- Why does everyone keep on saying that?

Where is your husband?

Oh, I'm going to meet up with him...

you know, later.

Yeah. Yeah.

I was married for 27 years

before my wife passed away.

Believe me, the first months

are the most difficult.

Bernardo here's a little bit of a romantic.

I love that.

Let's have a drink.

Please.

You're on the radio? That's awesome!

So, when are we gonna go back

to do the neenoo-neenoo-neenoo?

Whoa, yeah. I can't do that.

Don't tell me all the cute conversation

and air-humping is leading nowhere.

No. Oh!

OK, you mean when are we gonna...?

Ah! OK.

All right, so I'm gonna go and hit the...

and then we'II... do that thing.

- Cool.

- OK.

I'll be waiting!

Whoa!

And the hits just keep on comin'.

Ciao. Can I get the key to 309, please?

And do you know

if my wife's up in the room?

A good husband knows

where his wife is at all time.

And a good maitre d'

answers questions when he's asked.

Look, I'm not gonna pay you for an answer.

In this case, you should.

Your wife is in a car on her way

to Salviati's... with Mr Prentiss.

Mr Peter Prentiss?

Of course. What's Salviati's?

One of the oldest

and most beautiful estates in Venice.

- Maybe Mr Peter will buy it.

- Of course Mr Peter will buy it.

All right, where is this place?

You can't go. You will be shot on sight.

OK. That's...

Uh, when are they coming back?

Your wife and Mr Peter

are out for the evening.

You know what? Nah.

I'm not gonna be waiting here

for her when she gets back.

Oh, no!

Precipitevolissimevolmente.

I wanna say that word!

- Alla tua salute.

- Salute.

Sarah, Sarah. Sarah, maybe we

should switch to water, huh?

I think we should go find Tom now.

That was the longest freakin' piss

in Italian history.

Hey, Wendy.

Uh, I couldn't find you in the crowd.

That's cool. You ready to go?

Uh, yeah. Listen, um...

Why don't I just walk you back

to your hotel and drop you off?

That sounds like a plan.

OK. Um, what hotel are you staying at?

What hotel are you staying at?

Uh, the Gianna.

Oh, my God! Me too!

Yay. Wow.

Um...

Oh, my God. This is like a Twilight Zone.

I couldn't agree with you more.

We're here.

Damn, I don't have my key.

Can I use your phone?

My... my phone?

Yeah, to call downstairs. For my key.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, slow down there.

I think you got the wrong room.

Oh, my!

Oh, God.

Insult me, radio man!

I'm on my honeymoon.

Ew.

Yeah, ew.

- I'm telling you...

- You pig!

Grazie. Thank you.

Grazie. Buonasera.

What? What?

- What?

- I can't take this any more.

I'm on my honeymoon!

Calm down. You were just doing

the same thing with Wendy.

You have no right to be angry.

- You slut!

- Excuse me?

You had your tongue down his throat.

I saw it out the window!

Did you see me slap him, then?

Don't give me that.

Some part of you wants him! Just say it!

Fine. I'm not gonna lie any more.

Certain things would be easier,

given his background.

And a small part of me thought that

I wanted that once. A very small part.

Why would you invite him

on our honeymoon?

I didn't invite him.

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