Just Married Page #4

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- Hey! Help!

- Excuse me!

Hey!

Blue car, blue car!

- Oh.

- It worked.

We can catch the two o'clock train to Venice

and go straight to the Gianna.

- Our reservation isn't until Tuesday.

- So we'll stay a few extra days.

I just put an entire castle on my credit card.

We can't afford to stay at the Gianna

for a few extra days.

So I'll call my dad up,

and he'll lend us the money.

No, there's no possible way

I'm taking money from your dad.

Pride is the crutch of the insecure.

You are not taking the money.

I am taking the money.

No, we don't need to take the money.

This is about us now.

Listen my dad told me about this

nice little pensione in Venice...

Pensione?

- Grobes Scheibhaus.

- Excuse me.

Could you just drive?

Please just let me call my dad.

No! This is our honeymoon, not his.

So it's fine to just stay at a pensione

that your father recommended?

But we're staying at the Pensione Funicello,

and we'll gonna have a hell of a good time.

I can't take this any more! Honeymoons

are supposed to be all champagne

and room service and lovemaking!

We haven't made love!

No. What do we get?

We get evicted from a five-star hotel

and, to boot, I'm yelling at you!

We're yelling at each other.

We're not yelling at each other. I'm

the one that yelling. I'm sorry, I wanna go home.

Maybe we should go home.

I know this honeymoon hasn't been perfect,

but I'm sure the pensione is gonna be fine.

Look, we'll check in, sleep late,

eat pasta, gaze out at the Piazza del...

something-something.

It's gonna be heaven.

- Pensione Funicello?

- Si, si.

- Are you sure this is correcto?

- Si, si.

How bad could it be?

Aw, crap.

Hey...

We're in this together, right?

Do you have four men staring

at your boobies right now?

Che bella! Vieni qua, ragazza!

No.

Yeah, just...

You know, we'll try it for one night,

and if we don't...

Live.

.. like it, we'II, you know,

go somewhere nicer tomorrow.

- Grazie.

- Grazie.

This is actually happening!

We're never gonna forget this honeymoon.

Mm-mm.

Sorry.

Buonasera.

Di su, di giu, dentro, sopra,

fuori, sotto, non ce la faccio piu!

We can show those paisanos how it's done.

Cockroach, cockroach, cockroach!

Oh, honey! honey, honey! I'll get him!

OK, OK, OK.

Let's get outta here, please!

- We're checking out!

- I don't wanna touch it!

Get it off me!

Thanks for the help, Daddy.

I miss you.

OK. Bye.

Honey, he wants to talk to you.

Can't you just tell him thank you from

all of us here at the gorgeous Gianna?

Shh.

Hello there, Mr McNerney.

Please bear in mind that

our daughter loves him, Dan.

Listen, Leezak, I don't expect

a cracker like you to ever measure up

to anything approaching what I'd consider

a good match for my daughter.

But I'll tell you what I do expect.

I expect you to pay me back in full just as

soon as that silly-ass radio show of yours

yields any Kind of reasonable income.

Goodbye, cracker.

Ass-bag!

- What was that?

- He called me a cracker!

A cracker, honey!

He did not.

That surprises you? Your dad hates me.

"Well, wonderful, wonderful. "

He's got your whole family

praying that this marriage fails.

That's not faired mom's never said a bad word about you.

Wow, P*ssy's never insulted me!

Now I feel loved.

Like your father's never judged me?

No, he hasn't. Not once.

Maybe we should just have sex.

Call me crazy, but I'm just

not in the mood to make love.

I'm not, either. But we haven't had sex once

since we've been married,

and there is something

very, very wrong with that.

And I have to tell you...

Why are you laughing? It's not funny!

I'm sorry.

I'm concerned.

Let's go to sleep. We'll get a good rest,

we'll sightsee tomorrow.

Be fresh in the morning.

Fine.

And then we'll have sex.

Imagine Ernest Hemingway sitting

right over there at the Caffe Florian,

just sipping a single malt,

dreaming up his next masterpiece.

Those birds are psychotic.

History doesn't interest you at all, does it baby?

Huh? Yeah, it does. I wasn't an art history

major, though, so it's not like...

You don't have to be an art history major

to appreciate art.

- Whoa, whoa.

- What? What?

Do you hear that?

The bells? No? What is it, honey?

What?

- What?

- Ahh...

- What?

- Shh!

What are we listening to?

What? What? What is it? I can help.

- It's a message from God. It's a mes...

- God?

There's a ground ball...

Jackpot!

Honey, we still have to see the Tintorettos.

Oh, the church art is unbelievable,

but it all kinda looks the same to me.

You know I love sports.

I mean, I'm a sports freak.

But how often are we in Europe?

How often are the Dodgers on TV in Europe?

You're right. You go watch sports.

I'll go see the Tintorettos.

- Honey...

- Yeah?

Is this a loving act of generosity,

or am I gonna pay for this later?

Does it make a difference?

I'm gonna make this up to you huge. Huge.

Tonight, everything is your choice.

Dinner in a church, if you want.

- I Meet you at the hotel.

- Love you!

I love you.

Grazie. Grazie, grazie.

Grazie, goddammit.

Buongiorno, Fredo.

Buongiorno, Mr Peter Prentiss.

Buongiorno. Come stai?

Bene, bene.

Peter?

- Peewee? What a surprise!

- What are you doing here?

- In Venice?

- Yes.

In Venice Nextron's buying out Ferrugia Chocolate,

the deal that I'm working on so they sent me in to close the deal.

- Did you get that cognac I sent you?

- Yes. I thought it a tad inappropriate.

I'm sor... I didn't, uh...

I'm just trying to be the gallant loser here.

- Peter...

- Why don't we celebrate this great coincidence?

I'll take you guys to dinner.

I'm on my honeymoon.

- My honeymoon.

- Right, right, right.

See? Yeah.

I can be so thick sometimes. I'm sorry.

I got a lot of work to do anyway,

so I'm going to disappear.

But you guys have fun.

Oh... Peter, wait.

I'm...

I don't mean to be rude.

You couldn't be rude if you tried.

How's the honeymoon?

It's good? It's a dream?

- It's great.

- Yeah?

- Oh, yeah, great.

- Where's Tom?

Oh, he's at the, uh, the church

with, uh... with...

He's a huge history buff. Yeah.

- It's good you guys share that passion.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Uh, well... Bye.

Fredo, I need to know where

that little signora is at all times.

Very bold, Mr Prentiss.

Grazie.

The Dodgers won! The Dodgers won!

The Dodgers won, honey.

See? I knew you were gonna make me pay

for watching the game.

No. No, it's not that.

We need to talk.

About what?

Have you always told me the truth?

Yeah. Except the time I told you

I liked your brother Willie.

- This is serious.

- I am serious. I really don't like him.

- Marriage is built on honesty and trust.

- I totally agree.

OK. Did you ever do something

that you wanted to tell me about,

but you couldn't

because you felt bad about it?

And the more time went on,

the harder it got for you to tell me,

and then it turned into this big fat lie,

so you kept not telling me about it...

Did you talk to Kyle?

- No. Why?

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