K-9: P.I.

1

Authentic souvenirs.

Come and buy your souvenirs!

( harmonica)

How you doing, buddy?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're so pretty.

- See anything, Jerry?

- (Jerry barks)

Some stakeout. Looks dead to me.

Thank you, sir. God bless you. Get that!

God bless you, sir. Thank you.

Waiting on Jesus!

Well, our shift is through.

Time to pack it in, my friend.

(Jerry whimpers)

Come on, it's not gonna be that bad. It's

starting a new chapter in our life, that's all.

Think about the free time we'll have

to do all the things we wanna do, huh?

So keep an eye on that tambourine.

We're gonna need the cash.

Well, how about that.

Well, I guess we get

to go out in a blaze of glory, huh?

Let's go!

- (horn blares)

- Get out of the way!

Down, Jerry. We're coming in

the back. Go through the front.

We got you, Dooley. We're in the front.

Where's my backup?

Where's my backup? I'm coming in.

I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop.

Freeze, a**holes!

(all) Surprise!

Dooley!

- "Gimme backup! Gimme backup!"

- Think we'd let you go without a party?

- Oh, I can't...

- Congratulations, old man!

- Oh...

- It's all downhill from here!

- Oh, you guys.

- Officer needs a beer.

- Yeah. Give him four beers!

- (Dooley) The officer needs a lot of beer.

Happy retirement party, baby!

Come here, gimme a kiss! That's right!

Well, this is really... a surprise!

( harmonica)

Thank you. That's very nice.

I will put this in my collection.

- What's this?

- Don't know. Beautiful box.

This is from... the auto pool.

Well. Hey, look at that.

Hey, how about this?

We put batteries in, so you won't

go a day without a squad car.

Oh, that is really cool. Do you wanna

try it? Look, he's already happy.

- Fire that thing up.

- Yeah, let's see.

- Hey, Jerry Lee. Look at this. You ready?

- (siren)

- (Dooley makes engine noise)

- Look at that! It's a police car.

Come on, Jerry Lee. Come on,

you can get it. Look out, Jerry Lee!

- There it is!

- Oh!

Look out! Under your feet,

your feet, your feet!

Oh, oh, you got it! You got it!

Oh, don't break it, Jerry!

- Come on!

All our toys!

Oh, man, you broke it.

Come here, boy.

What a good boy. Good boy.

How about that?

Now, this is the last one.

It's from the girls in the dispatch.

- Dispatch! Yeah!

- Well, thank you.

- It's for Jerry Lee's collar.

- That's beautiful.

- Very nice. Very nice.

- (Dooley) That's really nice. Look at that.

- It's a picture of you and a picture of me.

- (Jerry barks)

You know I love those guys. I do.

But I am so glad this job is over.

I am done being a cop.

I am done with the shoot-outs,

I am done with the fist fights.

Let me tell you, Jerry Lee, the next time

I get punched, bit, kicked or yelled at,

it's gonna be because...

because I have a girlfriend!

Here. Happy retirement, partner.

Attaboy. Attaboy, Jerry Lee.

(Jerry Lee burps)

My sentiments exactly.

- (burps)

- Oh, that's bad breath.

Come on, Dooley. Whoa!

- Come on. Closing time.

- I love you, Petey. I really do.

I mean, you're the best friend a man

could have, except for a dog.

I love you too,

but we gotta go home. Come on.

I know you're probably right, but just

one more. Jerry Lee wants one more.

One more, just the detectives. Come on.

You got a big day tomorrow.

It's your first day off.

I know. I'm gonna pick up my retirement

cheque, my pension cheque,

then, what I'm gonna do,

I'm gonna have my car detailed,

and then Jerry Lee and I... Jerry Lee and I

are gonna hit the road, Jack!

- A vacation? That's nice.

- Why not?

I mean, I already got it mapped out. Yeah.

We're gonna go

coast to coast on Route 66.

You're not driving anywhere

until you sleep it off.

- It goes to Chicago, I think.

- That's got a coast.

Lake Michigan has a coast.

What? What?

What the hell was that?

All right, buddy. We slept that off.

I feel a little hung over,

but I'm gonna get through that too.

I'm gonna get through this retirement.

You and I are out.

We're free! We're out.

- Out... of...

- (engine splutters)

Gas.

We're outta gas!

Out of gas! I can't believe it.

I shouldn't have canceled

that Triple A card. I am so cheap!

All right. We're retired, we're free,

we're just outta gas.

You know what?

I'm gonna call a cab!

Yes! Retired people ride in cabs

all the time. Where are we?

Oh, gimme that cellphone.

Retired people have cellphones!

We'll call a cab!

(Dooley dials)

Can you give me the number

of the Yellow Cab Company?

- (Jerry Lee barks)

- Hey. Jerry Lee!

What's up?

Jerry Lee!

What's going on?

What do ya got?

Oh, no. Man!

Let me see.

Just our luck.

OK, buddy. Where are they?

Yeah. Emergency.

Easy. What do ya got?

All right, buddy. These guys are serious.

Easy.

- (door creaks)

- Hold up.

Attaboy.

No! Don't sneeze!

Jesus! Jerry!

Come on!

- Stop! Police! Hold it!

- (gunfire)

Jerry Lee!

Hey! Wait for me!

Hey!

Get him!

Get this outta here.

Oh, sh*t.

(Jerry Lee barking)

Easy, boy.

Ow!

(Jerry Lee barking)

(snarling)

(barking)

- That's mine, dog.

- Jerry Lee! Down!

(Jerry Lee continues barking)

Jerry Lee!

Jerry Lee! Jerry Lee, come here.

- Come here. Are you all right?

- Stay where you are!

Hands in the air! Hands in the air!

Now drop your weapon.

- I'm a cop.

- Control that dog. Control that dog!

Drop the weapon.

- Heel, Jerry.

- (police radio)

- Heel.

- Federal agents. You're under arrest.

- For what?

- It's all right. Now, calm down.

That's the one.

You guys make it a practice to arrest

officers while you're doing backup?

- Mighty fine police work.

- You're cocky for a cop who got busted.

Busted? Are you suggesting

I'm involved in this?

- Got a different point of view?

- Let's hear it.

I was on my way home.

I observed a 2-11 in progress.

- Observed?

- Jerry Lee heard something.

- The dog heard something?

- We approached the premises.

I found a dead security guard

and I called it in. I went in.

I found another dead guard.

Jerry Lee tracked the perps,

we observed them in

their heist, they heard us,

they fled, I followed in pursuit,

the one guy killed the other guy,

and took off while you guys and your

three-ring circus were arresting me.

And the perp who escaped?

What'd he look like?

Six foot, 185 pounds, skilled shooter,

agile, I'd say a military background.

- Distinguishing features?

- Couldnt tell. Had gloves and a mask.

- Just like the dead guy.

- Any idea what he was after?

Gosh, I'm sorry, guys.

I was gonna make him tea and biscuits

and have a chat,

but they were trying to kill me.

Wanna find out what they stole?

Ask the labs, or better yet,

find the guy you lost, and quit

sweating my ass. I was just doing my job.

- Your job?

- You have no job.

- As of midnight you were retired.

- You're a civilian.

A civilian who's now mixed up

in a serious federal investigation.

(Jerry Lee growls)

Calm down. Calm down.

You don't worry about a thing, now.

They got nothing on us.

What can they possibly do, huh?

What?! They froze my pension?!

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