K-9: P.I. Page #2

Tough luck, Dooley.

It's department policy.

You'll get it when the

Department of Justice closes its case.

Those clowns couldn't

close their own zipper!

- I'll be dead before I see that money.

- It's out of my hands.

- It's a federal issue now.

- They have no idea who he is, how to...

The only way I'll get my pension

back is find the guy myself.

Oh, no. No way, uh-uh.

Look, you are retired now, Dooley.

- You're not a cop any more. Clear?

- Yes, sir.

Then go home! Practice your whittling.

Take a cooking class or something.

But you stay out of this!

No problem, sir. Sir.

Sure. No problem.

We're really sorry. If there's anything we

can do for you, you just say the word.

Well, actually, could you

spout me a hundred bucks?

Wife's birthday. Can't do it.

Hey, Petey, old pal.

Can you spout me a couple of hundred

bucks, just to tide me over?

- I'm still paying off the boat.

- Yeah. Sure, I understand.

Hey, everybody... Hey, listen up.

Listen, you know, uh... I'm embarrassed.

As humiliating as it sounds,

I'm kind of in a financial jam, and...

I was wondering if anybody could lend,

you know, one of your own

two hundred bucks to see me through

this difficult transition to retirement.

It would be, you know, a great

opportunity for you, now, to say so.

Anybody?

You still got your PI license, don't you?

- Yeah.

- So use that.

Terrific. What am I gonna

live on in the meantime?

- What are you doing, fella?

- (Jerry Lee whines)

- Hey, what about breeding Jerry Lee?

- Pimp Jerry Lee?

- Yeah.

- I can't. He's a champion police dog.

People are looking for decorated sires

like Jerry Lee all the time.

I hear you can get $1500 a pop.

1500 bucks a pop?

Hello! Hi! Dog owners?

Dog owners? Hi!

Uh... Any of you looking to breed,

you know, for puppies...

Cute little puppies? You know,

the cute little furry things?

I got a champion dog right here.

Here's the dad, right here.

He is a stud. And... and he's hot to breed.

Hey there, handsome. Looking to stud?

Oh, uh... I'm sorry,

I think you have the wrong idea.

- I was just talking to your dog.

- Oh!

Jerry! Uh, I'm sorry.

- Maurice Charles. Professional breeder.

- Oh.

This is Champion.

He thinks he's a big dog.

Breeder, huh? That's great. I'm Thomas

Dooley. This is my dog Jerry Lee.

Oh! Please! Mr Tough Guy, huh?

- Yeah, well, he's a big one.

- He's got remarkable structure.

- And just the loveliest markings.

- Thank you very much.

- Does he have his papers?

- Uh, papers?

- American Kennel Club, Schutzen titles?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. I got papers.

I mean, this is a champion police dog.

- A-1. I mean, decorated dog.

- You don't say!

- A stud! He's a stud!

- You should come by my place.

- Say around... three?

- Three?

- I've some clients you should meet.

- That'd be great.

- Let's go poop.

- Thank you, Maurice.

Did you hear that? I don't care

what you think. This is non-negotiable.

- Did you bring the chips?

- They're at home in my safe.

Oh, yeah? All of 'em?

Including the alpha?

You surprise me, Frankie.

When did you take

an interest in computers?

About the minute I heard you were

having a problem at the lab, Mr Thyer.

Don't worry about it.

It's being handled.

Good. Because my client doesn't like risk.

You got till the end of the week.

After that, no deal.

Tell your client

he'll get his precious microchips,

but the price just doubled

for his lack of faith.

Mr Dooley.

- Mr Dooley?

- Yes.

- Yes. Maurice, how are you?

- Hi.

- What a lovely home you have here.

- Thank you.

It set you back a few bucks, huh?

Detective Dooley, I'd like you to meet

Jack and Jackie Von Jarvis,

- and their b*tch Jacqueline.

- How do you do?

- Great, thanks.

- Hello. Alert you a pretty dog!

Yes!

- Oh, that's...

- Well, it's... it's so nice...

to meet you, uh...

How old is Jacqueline?

Get your nose outta my ass!

- What's your problem?

- Did you bring his papers?

- Yes.

- Good.

I mean, they're not all, um...

I got some coffee stains on 'em,

but you can see that

he's a really nicely bred dog.

Um, there you go.

There's his papers, right here.

- Jerry Lee. Excuse me. Jerry Lee!

- (Jackie) Absolutely not.

We cannot possibly breed

our Jacqueline with this unruly mate.

We demand nothing less than perfection!

Isn't that right, girl, hm?

Yes, isn't it? No, we don't like the bad

dogs! No, we don't like the bad...

No, we don't like bad things.

We don't like the dirty dogs, do we? No!

( "Nothing from Nothing"

by Billy Preston)

Good girl. Good girl.

Nothing from nothing leaves nothing

You gotta have something

- If you wanna be with me

- No.

- Jesus!

- Aah!

Nothing from nothing leaves nothing

You gotta have something

- If you wanna be with me

- No.

No, thank you.

No, I don't think he...

He doesn't like her.

One more. Please.

I think you're gonna love her.

Jesus!

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late. Sit, Molly.

Good girl.

Detective Thomas Dooley, Jerry Lee...

Catherine Coleman and Molly.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Catherine?

- Yeah.

Uh... Why would you and Molly

wanna have puppies?

My sisters each have kids, and I wanted

to give each one of them a puppy.

German shepherds are so protective. So I

was hoping we could work something out.

- Well, I, uh...

- (Jerry Lee whines)

I don't see why not. Where do we sign?

OK, partner. We're home.

(Jerry Lee groans)

Come on. Come on!

Come on. Let's go.

What's with you, riding in the back seat?

You know, you've been weird all day.

You all right?

Come on. Let's go.

You wanna stay here tonight?

Fine. Stay there. I'm going in.

I wanna get something to eat.

Some pizza, some miso soup.

You stay there tonight. Bye!

Come on!

Leash?

Good boy.

You know, I got you for free. I can go to

the pound and get another one for free.

With this attitude like this,

I just might do that.

(squeaking noises/shouting)

Ah!

You're hurting me!

You got bad, bad gums.

Pizza in there, or something. That's it.

Mm!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- This is for you.

- Thanks.

Come on in.

- Using the dog as cover.

- Clever.

Very clever.

Come on, Jerry. Come on.

Have a seat. Please...

Thanks. Sit, Molly.

- Good girl.

- Uh, Molly, this is Jerry Lee.

- Jerry...

- (growls)

Uh... Is there something wrong?

No, nothing.

I'll just be a second.

Jerry Lee! What's the matter with you?

Come on, I know you're nervous,

and you just met this dog,

but this is how you guys do it

in your world. You meet, you do it!

Excuse me. Is there a problem here?

No, I just think he's a little nervous.

It's the first time he's ever done it.

I think what he needs is a little...

professional assistance.

Why don't you let me help him?

Help? You mean, help?

- Help. Yes.

- I'll talk to him.

Come here. Look at me. Listen,

you gotta do this for the team, man.

You gotta step up. You gotta look

at that girl and make it happen.

Come on. We need the cash.

You understand that?

We need the money.

Believe me, you don't want the

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