K-9: P.I. Page #3

alternative. You want Maurice...

Huh?

All right, then. Just pretend!

Pretend it's... uh...

Come on!

Don't fight me on this one. Come on!

- Are you sure about this?

- Trust me. She's just his type.

Come on. Take a look.

Will you just take a look?

Pretty, huh? You like her?

She likes you.

OK, so, half now and half when we know if

it took, less my handling fee, of course.

- Thank you very much.

- Well, my work here is done.

- I'll be in touch.

- OK.

Stud! You're a stud!

Hi, Molly. I'm so sorry about the costume.

- But I told you it would work, didn't I?

- Yeah.

- You'll give me one of the pups?

- The pick of the litter.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Jeez, look at this. A truck.

You drive a truck!

- Yeah.

- I mean, I know, it's just...

- You don't see, you know, many...

- Women driving pick-ups.

- Well, you just don't, that's all.

- Yeah.

Well, see, I do a lot of gardening,

some landscape architecture.

- So it comes in handy.

- Well, you know, I love plants.

And trees.

Sycamores.

Elm.

Willows.

- Shrubs.

- Shrubs.

Shrubs.

- OK.

- Nice doing business with you.

- Yeah.

- We'll see you again.

Bye!

Bye-bye!

Ha, ha ha! Oh, yeah!

Look at this, buddy.

Look at all this money!

You know what I think we're gonna do?

I think we're gonna reinvest in ourselves.

We're gonna go to the newspaper,

put an ad in for our PI business...

Just until we get the pension cheque.

No, no. You can't spend money.

No, no, no. It's not yours. I'll get

you some kibble out of it, all right?

Look at that.

I don't like that dog.

- Why are you guys tailing me?

- You're a suspect in an investigation.

- And it's our job.

- I gave you everything I know.

You already screwed up my pension.

Hey, you wanna do me a favour?

Leave me alone for the rest of my life.

- Sorry, Dooley.

- No can do.

Rules are rules.

I can't believe you did that!

The dog bit the Tyre.

Hey! See ya!

Good boy, Jerry.

Look at this guy.

Don't wave back.

Morning, a**holes!

That is it!

Oh. Oh, how terrible.

- Suckers.

- No! It's not worth the suit, man.

Come on!

Not worth the suit!

Here it is, here it is, here it is.

"K-9 Private Investigator at your service."

"Need to collect a loan?

Worried about loved... ones..."

What are you doing up there?

All right. That's it.

We're definitely going to the vet. Now.

There's your problem. Right there.

Jerry Lee swallowed

something he shouldn't have.

- He's constipated?

- Very.

- What the hell is it?

- Your guess is as good as mine.

Give it a few days. It'll pass. When it does,

give me a call. I'd like to know what it is.

In the meantime, you might wanna

buy some air freshener.

Air freshener?

(farting)

Stop that!

(farting)

What the hell did you eat?

What did you swallow?

- For crying out loud.

- (doorbell)

Probably those a**holes out there.

Jesus! Phew.

No, you can't use my can...

I help you?

- I'm sorry. Did I come at a bad time?

- No, no. No.

- Well, I was looking for Thomas Dooley.

- K-9 Private Investigators?

- Yes. That's me.

Come in, please.

Please, please, come in.

There you go. It's clean.

OK. So.

- You need a private investigator?

- I, uh...

- I don't really know where to begin.

- Well, just start. You know. Just go.

I think something horrible

has happened to my fianc.

- Oh.

- He disappeared a week ago.

- A week ago?

- Yeah.

- Well, has this happened before?

- No, never.

We were in the middle of...

wedding plans,

at dinner, and we had

an argument over the invitations.

Well, he stormed out of the restaurant, and

I... I called him all night on his cell,

the whole next day.

Nobody answered.

And that was the last time I saw him.

Here.

- Here. Please.

- Thanks.

It's... it's, you know, dirty.

I mean, it's clean enough.

(clears throat)

So, look. We're gonna find him.

He's out there. Now, does

your future husband have a name?

- Kevin Wingate.

- Wingate.

Now, did he owe any money,

does he have any enemies?

Kevin? No. It's impossible.

He's never been anything

but kind and reliable.

- Respons...

- (farting)

(growling)

(clears throat) I'm gonna need

some more specific information.

Uh, do you have any kind

of social security numbers, or...

It's everything I could think of.

Social security numbers, phone numbers.

Old credit card receipts, email.

The photo is from our engagement party.

Please find him. Money is no object.

Well, I'm glad you brought that up.

It's kind of expensive.

It's $100 an hour plus expenses. I can

show receipts for all the expense...

Will $1,000 be enough for a retainer?

- It'll work.

- (farting)

- Oh.

- Oh!

Just step over him.

Jerry Lee.

Thank you, Detective. I feel better

already. And I'm not usually like this.

Oh, well, as soon as I find something,

I'll be glad to give you a call.

How do I find you?

Here's my card.

Well, Laura, don't you worry.

You're in good hands, and paws.

- Is he all right?

- Yeah. He's just a little jet-lagged.

He gets a little weird. When he gets

some rest he'll be on the job.

- No better sleuth than Jerry Lee.

- If you say so, Detective.

- Please, find Kevin.

- Yes.

Why must you do that

when I'm with a client?

What is with you?

It's gonna be a long night.

Kevin Wingate.

Princeton undergrad, Harvard MBA,

lettered both in golf and tennis.

(Jerry Lee farts)

Investment banker.

Holdings in major companies.

- (farting)

- You stink.

Beans.

Oh, yeah. This'll make it happen.

How about this? Cabbage?

That's good.

That'll blow it out for you. Prunes?

Just one?

OK. Just one.

All right.

Dodger Dog. Yeah. Oh, yeah!

This looks like mineral oil, but it's not.

Mineral oil.

Curry powder.

Hot!

Mm! OK, buddy. Ready?

Oh, yeah! That's good. That's good!

That's gonna make it happen, brother.

Pizza! Mm!

Look at that!

How's that look? You like that? Huh?

Mm! Here we go. Come on.

Come on.

(groans)

I know this is killing you, Jer.

But trust me.

You're gonna thank me in the morning.

- You want some Alka-Seltzer?

- (whines)

- Want some Alka-Seltzer?

- (groans)

I'll get you some Alka-Seltzer.

All right. Go poo-poo.

Come on. Hurry up. Poo-poo. Ca-ca.

You want some privacy, is that it?

Go on. I'm not watching.

Go ahead.

I'll park my butt right here.

You work your butt.

- (Jerry Lee whines)

- Come on, hurry up.

I'm freezing my nuts off here.

(loud farting)

Hey! Hey, Sparky. Sparky!

Sparkster! Get back here!

Jerry Lee?

See? What did I tell ya?

Pizza! You feel better?

Oh, man.

Ugh... Jerry Lee...

What's this?

- So, Sato, what is it?

- Don't know who you're hanging out with,

but you've got

some very smart friends, brother.

Check this out, man. This is a beta-test

schematic of your microchip.

See these design patterns

and all those extra lines of code?

- There?

- Yeah.

This has been in development for years,

but no one's cracked it.

- Until now?

- You got it, man. This device?

Light years ahead

of anything I've even read about.

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