Kaboom

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It's always the same dream

I'm wandering Naked

In this strange Maze of hallways

And I feel this creeping sense

Of impending doom

Like something terrible's

About to happen

I pass my roommate

My Mom

My best friend Stella

Basically every significant

person in my life

And they're all just staring at me

Like I'm some kind of museum display

Behind glass

Then I see two people

I've never met before

A mysterious unearthly

Beautiful woman

And this red-haired girl

And they both seem to be

Leading me deeper into the corridor

This is when I noticed

A black door

And I'm not sure why

But somehow I know that I've gotta

Find out what's behind it

So I grabbed hold of the knob

Opened the door and discovered

A dumpster

I've had the same bizarre

F***ing dream

Every night since I moved into

The dorms last week

So now I'm wide awake

And, being 18 and perpetually horny

Anytime I have 5 idle minutes

My right hand automatically

Takes over

Like it's got a will of its own

Sorry

I'm just trying to be quiet

It's too hot to sleep anyway

How's the party?

Rad

I'm wasted

Nice

You should've come with us, dude

Everyone got crumped

Took their clothes off

Swam

The water was so warm

Mind if I sit?

Can I ask you something?

Sure

- You're like gay, right?

Uhhh, I'm more Undeclared

What's it like exactly?

I imagine it's different from

Being with a girl

It's way different

It's more...

Raw

Physical

I mean, cause you're intimately familiar

With plumbing,

There's less mystery and guesswork

Like,

You know exactly what to do...

And how it feels

Do you like, Kiss and stuff?

Of course

I've never...

Y'know,

Kissed another guy before

Well, it's pretty f***ing awesome

My roommate...

Plough me

Plough me with your monstrous tool!

So, yeah

I have an excruciatingly

Hot, straight roommate

Wassup I'm Thor

Like the comic Yup!

And his name really is Thor

As in the superhero

God of Thunder

With the giant hammer

I sleep naked

I hope that doesn't weird you out

It's a perpetual torture

Plus of course he's a surfer,

Dumb as a box of rocks

AKA, exactly my type

I'm like really into Gran Turismo 5

And before that I was into SOCOM

And oh yeah!

Killzone!

I get with guys sometimes

Sexually I mean

And also, I like to surf

Do you surf, dude?

The guy sounds like a f***ing asstard

My partner-in-crime

Stella

Stella and I first met

way back in 9th Grade

I refuse to do this assignment

Cause you're

A sexist loser who has no f***ing clue

What you're talking about

Are you sure it's not straight love Or in

love with another oblivious boy fixation?

It's just that I'm not sure

How straight Thor really is

You said he was putting a load

In some pinhead stryer last night

Yeah, but doing it with women

Doesn't necessarily make him straight

Case in point

The fact that you randomly sometimes

Stick it in a girl does not mean anything

Beyond you

Need to monitor your drinking

Here we go

Now he's your typical straight guy, right?

When it comes to sloppiness, and manners

And scratching his balls

In public

Or like eating half a piece of pizza

On someone's coffee table

However, he also does

Stuff like that...

He wears deodorant every single day

And he exfoliates every night

Religiously, with one of those vibrating

Derma-brasion things

Plus, he's a little too

Into his own body

Like beyond a normal

Straight guy who works out

Admiring his self kinda way

Are we done?

No

I saved the weirdest thing for last

He wears flip flops like

Almost everyday, right?

Very hetero, very dude, choice

Except for the fact

He has a whole collection of them

Which he keeps in a color coordinated row

In his closet

Wow, except from putting

a dick in your mouth

With Lady Gaga playing

in the background

That's about as gay as it gets

See?

I told you

Smith, I'm kidding

It's all cute and fun

When you're 15

But we're legal adults now

In college

Anyway

I gotta get to class

Me too Where are you headed?

Imagination Theory

I'm beginning to wonder if being an Art

major in a college of Creative Studies

Is a little too hippy dippy

Even for me

Hey, dudes!

The Messiah

Our pothead RA who is baked 24/7

What's goin' on?

We were just on our way to class

That's cool

I'd a really freaky dream last night

We'd love to hear all about it

But...

Both of you Were in it

And the whole world...

Blew up

In a horrible nuclear catastrophe

Great, thanks Messiah Goodbye

Majoring in Film Studies

Is something I wanted to do all my life

Eventhough it is a little anachronistic

Considering there is real doubt

As to whether cinema

As we know will even exist

Anymore in the next few years

It's kinda like devoting your life

To studying an animal

That's on the verge of extinction

Smith, college is just

an intermission between

high school and the

rest of your life

It's 4 years of having sex

Making stupid mistakes

And experiencing stuffs

It's a pitstop

Not the second coming of the Messiah

Speaking of, it was sorta bizarre

What the Messiah was saying this morning

No kidding

What's that guy's deal?

He's gotta be like 30 at least

Yeah I've been having

Weird dreams lately too

What do you think it means?

It's a well-known fact

that dreams are just

Your brain taking a dump

at the end of the day

It don't mean anything

Hey dude

Let me guess

Thor Wassup?

Thor, this is my best friend Stella

Stella, Thor

Mind if I join?

Whatcha major in, Stella?

Art

Oh really?

Cool

Yeah Cool

Are you gay, or whatever too?

Or just like...

Normal?

Hey, Messiah

Smith!

Got something for you

What is it?

Someone slipped it

Under my door this morning

You Are The Chosen Son

What does it say?

"The Chosen Son?"

What the crap's that supposed to mean?

I have no idea

Oh, hey dude

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

Trying to suck your own dick?

Bingo

I've been reading on the Internet

That if you do these

Flexibility exercises twice a day

You'll be able to give yourself

A blowj*b in 3 weeks

I'll email you the link

That's ok

- You sure?

It's a useful skill to have, y'know?

In case you hit a dry spell...

You ever taste your own cum?

Not a whole load, mind you?

But y'know if you

Shoot really hard and some gets

In your mouth by accident

Mine's not bad actually

Kinda vanilla-ish

- Really, can we change the subject?

Oh, bro!

What's it with you and your friend?

Who, Stella?

Yeah, the uptight dyke

Yeah I know she can be a little aloof

When you first meet her, but she's actually

Super hot

In a bitter, edgy les kinda way

You think I have any shot

At hitting that?

I just threw up a little

In my mouth

I know

Hello I'm obsessed with you

And you're into my vagitarian best friend?

It's like I told you

That guy's a toad

I've met plants

With better personalities

And what do you make of him

Trying to blow himself... this afternoon

He likes having a sword swallowed

Not exactly a revelation

So anyways The party tonight

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