Kangaroo Jack Page #2

... in the history of New York City...

... thieves inexplicably led police to a treasure

trove of stolen cars, furs, paintings...

Louis Booker, you degenerate moron.

Were these Medieval times

and you a knight in shining armor...

...you would, I have no doubt,

slay the maiden and save the dragon.

Waffles!

- Sal, if we could explain...

- As for you, Charlie...

...after the tragic death of your father...

...I married your mother, promising her

I would raise you as my own.

You chose not to take the Maggio name.

I did not complain.

And when you wanted

to go to beauty school...

...as boys who lose their fathers

early in life often do...

...I did not snivel at your intentions, did I?

- No, Salvatore, you did not. In fact...

- In fact...

...I bought a beauty parlor

so you could sit on your lazy butt all day.

Four and a half million you cost me.

Were you anybody else,

you'd be dead by now.

- Sal, we understand that you're upset.

- It's not your fault.

What?

A lion can raise a mouse,

but the mouse is still a mouse.

And you, Charlie, are that mouse.

Look at this.

He takes it.

Chicken blood.

Excuse me, Sal?

You said that he was a mouse, so that

would be mouse blood, not chicken blood.

Right?

Go on, Sal, I'm here if you need me.

The salient point is...

...I must continue to live with my lovely wife

and tears on her pillow are a plethora to me.

Anathema to me!

You see what they got me doing?

- I can't even talk straight!

- Take it easy.

So...

...l'm giving you both another chance

to redeem yourselves.

- Thank you, we won't disappoint you.

- No, we won't.

Of that I'm sure.

Frankie...

Hey, kid. Go long.

Why don't you fill the boys in.

A mission of absolution.

It's simple. You take this envelope

to JFK Airport...

- No problem.

...where you catch a flight for Sydney.

Wow, that's...

You know, Louis has got this thing...

Yeah, my mama got the gout

and if I'm not home to rub her feet...

...her ankles swell up

and she can't take her house shoes off.

- This really isn't much warning.

- You need a warning?

- No.

- Well, then...

From Sydney, you take the Old South Road

due north to a place called Coober Pedy...

...where you meet a man named Mr. Smith.

You give this envelope to Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith is expecting you no later

than noon, local time. You will not be late.

What's in here, man?

You will not look in that envelope

under any circumstances, understood?

- I can't hear you...

- Understood?

Oh, yeah.

Should you run into any problems,

you can reach Mr. Smith at this number.

Get out of here.

I can't believe that stuff happened.

I'm wearing my lucky jacket.

Lucky jacket? You've worn that jacket

for over 10 years...

...and luck has never even

remotely come near you.

Australia?

And then they're just gonna turn

around and come right back again.

- It won't be so bad.

- Yeah, why not?

We're canceling their return trip.

- Louis, how much time we got left?

- Fourteen hours.

When is the food coming? I'm starving.

Don't even worry about that.

I got you covered.

Are you, like, 4 years old?

If you're not hungry,

I can put these back in my pocket.

Wait. I think I'll have this one.

Good choice.

What is that? And why is my mouth on fire?

That's the new Super Atomic Jaw Buster!

Extra hot!

Are you trying to kill me?

There's nothing wrong with this!

Stop acting like a baby!

All right, let me up.

- What for?

- How many things could I have to do?

My bad.

Hey, how are you doing?

Good.

Oh, my God!

Charlie!

- Someone's in here!

- It's me, Charlie. Open up!

- What?

- Check this out.

- You're not supposed to open this.

- That's, like, 50 grand.

Oh, my God.

Something doesn't smell right. Look at it!

I know, I'm looking!

I've never seen so much green

in one little brown package!

And now it's in my hands!

It slipped out.

Here, help me scoop it up.

- This is one big load!

- What a mess!

- I just want to roll around in it!

- Hand me the rest of the pile.

- Can I hold it?

- No! Dump it in the envelope.

- Maybe we should flush it.

- We're not gonna flush it.

I'll put it in my pocket, leave this room,

and take it to Australia.

If you're gonna do that, give it here.

Let me kiss it for good luck.

You're not gonna kiss it!

It's bad enough you touched it!

- Before you put it away, can I smell it?

- Maybe later.

No, no, no.

It's not what it looks like.

Next, please.

G'day, mate! G'day.

Could you try not to draw the attention

of the entire airport?

Why? What's wrong?

The law states we're only allowed

to have $ 10,000.

We are carrying $50,000 of mob money.

If they find it, I'm anticipating consequences.

Like, perhaps, I don't know,

let's say, prison?

G'day, mate!

You know what? It's my fault.

I didn't keep the sentences short enough.

I heard you, Charlie, all right?

Now, if you're worried, give me

the money. I'll walk it through.

Okay.

Let me see, put my fate in your hands.

This is such an agonizing decision. No.

All right, then. Just remember...

...the key is to act like

you don't have anything to hide, all right?

Next, please.

Watch the master.

G'day!

How are you doing?

- Doing good. How are you?

- I'm all right.

Hit it up top!

There we go. There we go.

G'day, mate.

Next, please.

G'day, mate.

They're my hairdressing scissors.

They're my hairdressing scissors!

I can...

I can explain about that money.

You will explain...

...$63?

- Louis, I lost the money!

- What?

I lost the money!

Salvatore Maggio's money!

Hey, Charlie, calm down, all right?

The trick is not to look suspicious.

Make them watch this hand...

...instead of this one.

- Oh, my God!

Had you going, didn't I?

- That is not funny, Louis!

- Get in the car, baby!

- They didn't have a Cadillac?

- This is the Cadillac of the Outback.

You know, Charlie, this mysterious

Mr. Smith we're gonna meet?

- I don't think that's his real name.

- Nothing escapes you, Louis.

What's eating you, man?

Don't tell me this is about

that girl on the plane.

- No, it's more than that.

- Coober Pedy! Right here!

I got it. Here we go. Here we go.

Let's face it, I'm never

gonna find the right girl.

You gotta stop it with this "never" stuff.

Two days ago, we never thought

we'd be in Australia, but we here!

- Come on, give me a beat.

- Come on, play with the radio.

Come on, man! I want to play with you.

Give me a beat, man!

- What the hell?

- My God.

I killed a kangaroo.

I never saw it.

It's such a beautiful animal.

It's the national symbol of Australia...

...and I killed it.

- Don't worry.

I read that the kangaroos are

the rodents of the Outback. We cool!

- Shouldn't we bury it or something?

- My uncle has one rule:

Whenever you hit something,

keep on rolling. So let's roll.

I can't leave it there.

I got to pull it off to the side.

You pulling by yourself, then.

God, I am so sorry, little buddy.

Charlie, don't move. Stay right there.

Louis, what are you doing? Louis?

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