Keep the Change Page #3

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really smoking hot and so sexy.

Hey, Mom!

Is it okay if Geraldo drives

me into the city, today?

Well, it's a Sunday.

What are you doing in the city?

I just feel like

hanging out and stuff.

You know,

for that group.

I didn't think you were forced

to go there on the weekend.

Do I need to make a call

to that woman Dorothy?

No, no, no. It's not that.

It's this voluntary thing,

you know?

Voluntary?

I just uh, figured

I'd get extra credit.

They'd let me out earlier

for, like,

good behavior and stuff.

[Sammy] You're here

to audition for my play.

Um, a lot of you are

vying for the same part.

I hope that this does not cause any

problems with your relationships.

These pages aren't numbered,

but flip... flip the page.

[coughs]

Here, scene three.

Do you see it, Sarah?

Pardon me, pretty lady.

I couldn't help

but notice you in tears.

What seems to be the trouble?

I'd love to help.

He really is going to be

My knight in shining armor

My Prince Charming

[Sammy] David! You made it.

I want you to audition for my play, for

the leading role of Travis McHenry.

[laughs]

You look just like my idol

that I have loved

ever since I was a teen.

He's on a show

that did not last very long,

but it's called

Malibu Mohawks.

Oh, Malibu Mohawks.

My cousin was on that show!

Your... wait, your cousin?

Matt Cone. Matt Cone.

Matt Cone's your cousin?

- He's my cousin.

- [Sarah laughs]

He's more like a brother to me

because I really...

Matt Cone is your cousin?

- Yeah!

- Like a brother to you?

Just tell me

why he's your idol, huh?

- Why do you love him so much?

- He looks like the person

who really can sweep me

off my feet.

And I know that

he is as wonderful...

He's as fancy on the inside

as he is on the outside.

Okay. What is it

you want me to do?

I want you to try on

some clothes for Travis.

Why don't we try on this

beautiful, handsome, white shirt?

I want to see how

you look in it.

- What the hell is this?

- Come on, David.

This looks kind of gay.

No offense.

Travis is bisexual.

What? Whoa, whoa.

I'm not gonna play gay.

- I... I'm sorry...

- I think you can.

I like women, you know?

- Are you sure?

- Yes.

This is a man's shirt.

Travis is a man.

It says Ann Taylor Loft.

Ann Taylor is the designer.

Yeah, that's a women's designer.

She's the designer.

She doesn't wear the shirt.

The men and the women

will love you. Try it on.

You do realize those people are

weird in there, don't you?

Huh? No.

No? What do

you mean no?

You don't know that

they're not exactly normal?

Um, no.

I mean, do they have you

brainwashed or something?

- What's brainwashed?

- Like, they think for you.

You don't want to be like that.

You want to be normal like me.

[snorts] Aah!

- Sorry. I sneezed.

- Are you okay?

Yeah, it's fine.

It's been a very hot day today.

I bet. It's really

hotsy-totsy today.

You don't have to say stuff like that.

It's kind of irritating.

I mean, "hotsy-totsy,"

"sharing is caring."

Yummy in my tummy.

See, there you go again.

I mean, why do you say stuff

like that? It's very irritating.

So in other words, it rubs

you in the wrong way?

Yeah, that's right.

Meaning, it's not your cup of tea

and it doesn't float your boat?

See, you're doing it again.

You don't want people

to think you're abnormal

or anything like that, right?

Like those, uh, people

at that program.

I don't know.

No offense or anything,

but I think you're above them.

What's your problem anyway?

I don't know

what's wrong with you.

Um, well, I have autism.

Is that it?

Um, no. I also have an LD.

What is that,

like a venereal thing?

No, it's a learning disability...

Oh, huh. Well, I guess

everybody's got problems.

That's true.

So, what's

your problem, David?

Um, I don't know.

I guess I got a little bit

stressed out this year,

but, uh, you know, I've been

getting better, you know?

Why do you have to go home

so urgently anyhow?

How about if I take you out

instead, tonight?

But what will I tell

my grandmother?

Well, if not, then how about

tomorrow night?

Tomorrow is game night.

Thursday?

Thursday, we're going

on a field trip to the zoo.

- How about Friday then?

- Friday is show tunes.

Show tunes?

Yeah, show tunes

is every single Friday.

Every single Friday?

I enjoy it very much,

show tunes.

How about just miss one show tunes?

Just for me?

So I guess I'll see you

this Friday?

[bus approaching]

- This is my bus.

- Yeah, there it is.

We're gonna continue today working

with our theme of superheroes.

Sound okay?

[all] Yes! Wonderful!

So, the question I asked

you guys last week,

and I asked you to think

about it a little bit,

was, if you had a superpower,

what would it be?

Uh, I guess it would be to...

I guess it would be to... to...

I guess it would be

to let them know

who... the world know

who I really am, you know?

[Delilah] To let the world

know who you really are.

But to really express

myself in a variety of ways.

My superpower would be

to get Matt Cone

to fall in love with me

and to propose to me.

Matt Cone is kissing me,

our shirts are off,

we're lying down.

[giggling]

His stomach is touching mine.

All right. Let's try

to stay focused, okay?

On the count of three,

I'm gonna ask you guys

to change the way you're

sitting in your chair.

And I want you to think about

how this superhero would sit.

You ready?

- Okay, hold on I didn't count to three yet.

- Oh, sorry.

Okay, you ready?

One, two, three.

Ooh, careful.

Look at all of these

amazing superheroes here.

What incredible characters.

David.

If you had a superpower,

what would it be?

I'd be invisible.

Why?

So I can go into

the ladies' locker room.

[all laughing]

[applause]

[man] To do this stunt,

takes a lot of confidence.

You all should be confident.

[man grunts]

[crowd cheering]

Give him a hand!

So a guy walks

into a sex shop and says,

"I want an inflatable doll."

- And...

- What's an inflatable?

You know, those sex dolls.

You have sex with those

inflatable dolls

that you see

at the Porno Stop.

But, uh... So, he says,

"Do you want a male doll or

a female doll to do it with?"

"I want a female doll.

What do you think I'm gay

and I want to do it

with a male doll?"

"Okay, do you want a black doll

or a white doll?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure.

I guess a white doll."

That's so racist and offensive.

Well, you want to hear it?

It gets even more

racist and offensive.

"Do you want

a Jewish inflatable doll,

a Christian inflatable doll,

or a Muslim inflatable doll?"

He goes,

"Why do you ask me that?"

"Because the Muslims,

they blow themselves up!"

Allah!

[trills tongue]

You don't get it?

No, I don't.

I find it really offensive

and so confusing.

So... So, you know

that girl that said,

"I'm not working during the week because

I have to do camp in Cranford?"

- Right.

- So I go, "Oh, well, I'm Jewish. I don't like to do camp."

Hold on. What camp is this?

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