Keep the Change Page #4

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I don't know. I think

it's a concentration...

[snickers]

I'm just kidding.

That's not funny.

Uh, I need to concentrate.

Right. So, what camp is this?

Um, I'm not sure.

Okay.

[stammers] But I go,

"I don't like to go

to no camps. I'm Jewish."

- Well, I'm... Well, you know what, David? I'm Jewish...

- I'm Jewish too.

But I've been to sleep-away camp

and I've performed

in a lot of musical theater

productions and plays...

Oh, it was a stupid joke

I said. I'm sorry...

Can you give me a time to ask

you, maybe, what the joke means?

I'll explain the joke.

I mean, I'll explain the joke.

Because... so I don't have to...

Words can have

multiple meanings.

It's like... yeah, there

were multiple meanings.

Just like with, uh...

Maybe when there's a pause, I can

ask you for clarification...

- Words...

- Wait. Don't interrupt me.

- I can ask you for clarification.

- I didn't mean to interrupt. I'm sorry.

I'm getting nervous.

I didn't mean to interrupt...

Maybe when there's a pause to ask

you so I know what it means.

[Sarah] I need specifics.

[David] I only said it

to make you laugh,

not to make you argue with me.

It sounds like "Who's on first."

[Sarah] I don't want to hear

"Who's on First."

I just... All I care about

is understanding your jokes.

Sarah, I made a boo-boo, okay?

It's not you. It's me.

You know, I didn't mean

to annoy you just now, okay?

[classical music playing]

- How you doing? Chicken and rice.

- [Sammy] David.

- Hey.

- I have an opportunity

- that I think you'll appreciate as a gay man.

- Thank you.

What?

Uh, lamb gyro, please.

Dude, I'm not gay.

- What?

- Sorry. I'm not gay.

Thank you.

But you have

such gay mannerisms.

You're so artsy.

You're so suave and you seem

to flirt with all the guys.

How would you and Matt like

to come to our exclusive club

of show tunes on Friday?

I can't this Friday.

I have plans.

Cancel them.

Nah. I'm supposed

to see Sarah that day.

Sarah is gonna be

at show tunes.

She can't get out of it

this Friday?

She can't ever.

She is the star. She's the diva.

She's the songbird.

She provides the music.

Without her,

there'd be no music.

Well, I gotta see

Sarah that day.

I mean, we had plans,

you know?

I mean, to go out on a date.

She's my girlfriend.

What?

Yeah, she's my girlfriend.

Oh, my God. You know what then?

Never mind.

Don't come to show tunes.

It's okay.

Forget I ever said anything.

Don't come to show tunes.

Wait, wait. What the hell? You just

offered me and then you take it away?

- No, it's okay. I changed my mind.

- I gotta see Sarah that day.

You can see Sarah another day.

Please don't come to show tunes.

Why not?

Why not?

How much?

$12.

There you go.

- Keep the change.

- Thank you.

- Have a good day.

- Thank you.

Your turn, Zach,

if that's your real name.

Uh, how about something

from Les Mis.

Could we please

do something else?

We hear it all

the time from Sarah.

- [woman] How about a song from Cats?

- Which version?

[Zach] Can it be the same one?

I'd prefer it wasn't. We like

some variety in this thing.

Zach, could you

pick something else?

- No...

- [woman] It's up to him, Sammy...

All right.

Your turn, hippy guy.

My name is Dylan.

Don't call me that ever again.

Well, it's your pick.

- "The Acid Queen."

- [man] Great song, but not a show tune.

[chattering]

How about, um, "Paradox"

or "When You Had Left Your Pirate

Fold" from Pirates of Penzance?

You always pick that one,

but the game requires me

to indulge you.

[opera music playing]

[woman singing]

[Sammy] David?

[David] Hey, everybody.

What are you doing here?

I told you not to come.

[David]

I gotta give this to you.

Wow, you look great.

I mean,

you look great in red too.

I love the red dress,

by the way, you know.

I was figuring maybe you

wanna get together later,

after this thing, you know.

Go out somewhere to eat?

Why... Why aren't you happy to see me?

[muttering]

David, I know how

smokin' hot and sexy you are,

but this is not

the right time and the place

to be having this conversation.

We're not gonna

discuss it here any further.

[opera music continues]

So, what exactly is it

that you do, David?

I'm a filmmaker.

Uh-huh.

I have

a project in the works.

Let me guess. You still

live with your parents.

Never earned a nickel

in your life

and never actually

make films,

just talk about making them.

Am I on point here so far?

[David]

I'm a legit filmmaker.

I have a film

which is in consideration

of the Palm Beach

International Film Festival.

Here, take a look at this.

My movie.

[movie score plays on phone]

Please take that thing

out of my face.

A bunch of random home movies

strung together

- in no aesthetic order.

- [music stops]

So, Sarah, my darling,

it is your turn.

[Sammy]

Why don't you ever let me sing?

As my girlfriend,

Sarah has special privileges.

Now sing,

my beautiful songbird.

Let me call you sweetheart

Magnificent. Brava!

- [Sarah continues singing]

- Sarah and Will are a couple?

Let me explain.

Sarah...

is basically a player

or a "man-izer."

Whoa.

This is part of her nature.

She said she really likes me,

that I'm the cat's meow.

She also describes

the Holocaust as "a bummer."

Can you understand

this about her?

Yeah.

Don't expect anything

other than dates and sex.

Can we play the title song

of Anything Goes?

[coins jangle]

Help a brother out, man?

Get that f***in' thing

out of my face!

It's not my fault you f***ed your

life up, you f***ing a**hole!

F*** you, you bum!

F*** you!

- Chill out, dude.

- [spits]

Shut the f*** up!

[Sammy] Okay, Sarah. Zach.

Now, we did scene three before.

Now, we're gonna

try it without scripts.

That being said,

Zach, same thing.

Butt naked would be best.

- If you...

- All my clothes are staying on...

Then that is fine.

- To him directly?

- Yes.

Oh, Travis, I'm so impressed

you came to me...

- Sarah!

- What?

You don't know his name.

No, just say it

without the name?

Say it without the name.

Oh, my God. I'm so

impressed you came to me.

The joy of my life! It makes me...

I'm so thrilled.

- Sarah.

- What?

Do you tell him

how you feel right away?

No.

Why you didn't tell me

you had a boyfriend?

What do you mean?

Exactly what I meant.

Why you didn't tell me

you had a boyfriend?

Well, I don't know how you felt

about open relationships...

Oh! Open relationships?

This is what you call this?

David, I still need to... I need to

still properly smooth you out here.

I mean, what you

don't understand is,

there's so much

fish out there in the sea.

And you let all these fish,

uh, touch you.

No, it's just, all these men who

are on top of me, all over me...

Oh, my God.

Or on my lap.

What? Am I hearing right?

They sit on your lap

and all that?

My God.

Okay, I'm gonna use a really,

really ugly word right now.

I'm not ugly.

I didn't say you were ugly.

I said I'm using an ugly word.

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