Keeping the Faith
1
(MELLOW SONG PLAYING)
The evening fell just like a star
Left a trail behind
You spit as you slammed out the door
If this is love we're crazy
We fight like cats and dogs
But I just know there's got to be more
Please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out
walking in the streets
We do crazy things
when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching
your death of cold
Out walking in the rain
I admit that I ain't no angel
I admit that I ain't no saint
I'm selfish and I'm cruel
But you're blind
If I exorcise my devils
When they leave they're so hard to find
Please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out
walking in the streets
We do crazy things
when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching
your death of cold
Out walking in the rain
- (MUSIC PLAYING QUIETLY)
- Answer me honestly.
If I was to tell you that I love you
and that I'd throw it all away
to be with you, what would you say?
Goodnight, Paulie.
Yup. Yup, that's about par
for the evening.
But what I wanna see
Is the way things used to be
Between you and me
The way things used to be...
(SOBBING)
Let me guess.
Your old lady got fed up
'cause you're chasing skirt,
and left you.
It's a little more complicated than that.
It always is. Everybody thinks
their story has a twist.
But in my experience...
- Holy sh*t.
- Exactly.
This I've got to hear.
It's a long story,
and I know you're very busy...
- I don't really feel like...
- Wait, wait. No, no, please.
Okay, now tell me, Father, how long
has it been since your last drink?
It's been about a minute
and a half since my last drink.
Now, what about these kids?
Okay. Well, you see the one
on the right?
The cute one? That's me.
- Very cute.
- Brian Finn.
Paulie Chopra.
This kid on the left
was my best friend, Jake.
- He's a priest, too?
- Jake? No. In fact, he's a rabbi.
C'mon. A priest and a rabbi?
I've heard this one.
I've heard all of those. Trust me,
you have not heard this one.
Okay? So there's this priest
and this rabbi, and they're best friends.
But before they were a priest
and a rabbi,
they both knew this girl.
PAULIE:
The girl.- Who's the girl?
- That's Anna Reilly.
Reilly? Let me guess,
she became a nun?
Not quite. Not quite...
We all met in 6th grade at PS 84,
right here in Manhattan.
then we both met Anna.
Actually, I remember exactly
how we met, 'cause...
Well, it was a defining moment.
After that,
we were pretty much inseparable.
Jake and I were
what you'd call "late bloomers,"
and a 7th grade girl's attentions
can be fickle, but not Anna.
Her loyalty to us was constant.
Anna was the friend
every 13-year-old boy dreams of.
That magical cross
between Jonny Quest
and Tatum O'Neal in Foxes.
We were some trio. Anna called us
"Two Micks and a Yid."
She was gonna make T-shirts.
There's 8 million people in New York,
but when we were together,
it felt like we lived on our own island.
But New York is an island.
I'm trying to sprinkle a little
fairy dust here, to tell a story!
I'm terribly sorry. Continue.
Go on, sprinkle away.
Well, then disaster struck.
Anna's father got a job in California,
and just like that, she was gone.
As for me and Jake,
our friendship just got stronger.
We were like most kids in New York,
but there was one unusual component:
We were fascinated
with each other's religions.
He showed me
the secret rituals of Judaism,
and I revealed
the Catholic mysteries.
Just remember:
Spectacles, testicles, watch, wallet.
What makes two kids want to be
a priest and a rabbi nowadays?
People don't talk much
about a calling anymore,
but I knew it was what
I was supposed to do.
Even then, people felt good
bringing their problems to me.
on children before me,
her "gift from God."
That stuck with me, so at eight
I told her I felt I had to return the favor.
She was so happy, she cried.
My dad just wanted to know
if working for God came with dental.
Jake's sense of a calling
didn't gel as early as mine.
Religion was more of a hobby for him.
Got it, got it,
need it, need it,
got it, got it, need it, got it.
(CHEERING AND SHOUTING)
Jake was one of those special kids.
Smart, popular.
Everything came easy to him.
He had an aura.
You took one look at him, and you
knew he could do anything in life.
Jake's family had been in investment
banking for three generations.
wanted him to join the family firm.
I think he considered it,
but he wanted to do
something different with his life.
He made his decision to become
a rabbi with confidence and resolve.
I don't wanna listen to you!
We went off to seminary the way
other guys go off to the Peace Corps.
It was an adventure.
Newly ordained, we were both
assigned back to New York City,
where we quickly confronted
the practical aspects of our jobs.
(INDISTINCT)
(COUGHS)
- Ow! Oh!
- (CLUNK)
- (SNIPS)
- (BABY SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS) Jesus!
Despite these setbacks,
we found our groove.
Take it nice and easy.
Win them over slowly, okay?
Shabbat shalom, everyone!
I want you to do me a favor.
I want everybody in the back
to come and fill up the front rows.
Guys, come on! Let's try again.
Shabbat shalom!
- Shabbat shalom!
- Thank you, Mom.
Ma'am, you in the back, come on!
God hates a solo artist, I promise you.
We're the Fugees, no Lauryn Hills.
My mom was the only person here
at the level of shabbat shalom-iness
that I think we can hit.
Sir, you're leaving. It's customary
to sneak out after the communion.
Give me something I can work with!
Shabbat shalom!
- ALL:
Shabbat shalom!- All right! Now we can daven!
BRIAN:
I don 't want to brag, but wordgot out there was a new act in town,
and soon we played to the packed
houses I knew were our destiny.
(LAUGHTER)
I know. I know!
Seriously, what is the story of Sodom
and Gomorrah really about?
- Anyone? Steve Posner.
- Sexual perversion.
Sexual perversion. Steve Posner's
watching too much Spice Channel.
The Seven Deadly Sins. Who can
name the Seven Deadly Sins?
People! It was a film with Brad Pitt.
You have the ultimate Cliff Note!
And Lot takes them in and he protects
them. What happens next?
Anybody? Greta Mussbaum,
before she pulls her rotator cuff.
- God spares Lot and his family.
- Bingo! Two-week cruise for Greta!
You're going to the Bahamas!
When you think about it,
God is a lot like Blanche Du Bois.
He's always relied
on the kindness of strangers.
(INAUDIBLE)
That's what the story's about,
us taking care of each other.
God relies on us
to take care of each other.
The truth is, I don't really learn about
your faith by asking such questions.
Those aren't questions about faith,
they're about religion.
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"Keeping the Faith" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/keeping_the_faith_11656>.
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