Kelly and Cal Page #3

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You know what?

I think

something's wrong with her.

No, really.

Are you guys okay?

Oh, f*** off, Julie.

You f*** off.

- Kiddies.

- Such language.

Come on, guys.

Deviled eggs.

Do you even like deviled eggs?

- His family can just be

so annoying and 1950s.

I felt like taking it

to the next level...

you know, whipping up

some deviled eggs.

Clearly, yeah, deviled eggs.

Did they eat them, at least?

Yeah, it was good.

It's a baby.

Excuse us.

We must look like freaks.

- Not me.

You with the hair.

- Well, did you know about him

and his family or whatever

before you got married?

- I didn't think they would be

so involved in our lives.

And I didn't think we'd be

moving here.

That's for sure.

What about your parents?

Oh, well, my dad's dead.

Sorry.

What about your mom?

We don't speak.

She hasn't met Jackson?

Not yet.

She lives in upstate New York,

and she's very busy

whoring herself

around the senior circuit, so...

Oh, man, count me in.

- I thought I hated my parents,

but, I mean...

- Can we talk about

anything else?

I really like your hair.

I mean, I think

it's f***ing sexy.

You do?

You should have seen the looks

on their faces when I came out

and I was just like "ta-da"

with the pl...

I don't know.

That's funny.

You're not your mom, though,

you know. I mean...

What?

- I just mean

you're gonna figure it out.

It's not gonna be like that

for you and Jack, you know.

Little Jack-o.

- Thank you for helping me

with him and... and everything.

- Shut the f*** up.

Come on.

Did you just mimic me?

- Yeah.

Hold on.

Upsy-daisy.

#A to, to, to #

#A to, to, to #

#A to, to, to, to, to, dah #

- Yoo-hoo!

In here!

- Hey, I didn't expect to see

you guys again so soon.

- Well, Josh told us that he'd

be working late a lot,

and he asked us

to check up on you.

Oh, good.

Neat-o.

- Mom and I have been talking

about you.

Is this an intervention?

Of course not.

You make it sound like

you're an addict or something.

- You're not.

Are you?

No!

No.

- No, you're just

sleep-deprived,

overworked, and exhausted.

- So we thought

that we could help out

with meals and babysitting.

Hi.

- We wanted you to have a chance

to get out and clear your mind

and get recharged

and come back

ready to love the little pooper.

I do love my little pooper.

Of course you do.

And I've got the number

of a really good therapist

for this sort of thing.

- Wow, you haven't even found

a sperm donor

and you've already located

a postpartum counselor for me?

- See?

That is exactly what I mean.

The moodiness,

the irrational outbursts.

That was a joke, Julie.

That's not even an outburst.

I think you need help.

- We'd like to come by

every afternoon.

Would that be all right?

Do I have a choice?

- Why don't you go out and do

something nice for yourself?

Like maybe see a therapist.

- I want to work

with the handicapped.

Oh.

Wow, that...

that is a good idea.

Yeah, working with

the less fortunate.

- I was thinking of something

a little more fun,

like a night out,

girls' night out or something.

With you guys?

- Of course not.

With your friends.

Just take some time out,

have a couple of drinks.

- Gosh, I haven't talked

to the girls in so long.

- Not that we want to encourage

drinking to excess, of course.

Of course.

I don't even like drinking.

- Oh, my God!

Hello!

- Hey!

- Oh, my God!

Hey, ladies.

Look at you.

Your hair!

Good to see you.

- Come here. Come here.

Come here. Come here.

When you said you were moving

to the 'burbs,

you weren't kidding.

- I know.

Nice to see you too.

Oh, pictures?

Oh.

I want to see.

- You're gonna die.

He's so beautiful.

Women-Oh!

- Oh, my God.

- So cute!

- Doesn't he look like Josh?

- Totally.

- And this one, there's

a little bit of a smile.

- And look at its teeny...

look at its teeny little feet.

- I know!

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Kelly,

you've got to see the pictures

of Nikki's new puppy.

Show her.

- Okay.

We got a Weimaraner.

They're really high-strung dogs

but, like, intelligent,

super intelligent.

Like human intelligent

but really needy.

It's exhausting but rewarding.

You know what I mean.

Look.

Look at that.

I mean, look at

the beautiful face on that dog.

- Wow, that's...

that's a dog.

I know, right?

It's like your whole life

changes, right?

Like, all of a sudden,

your whole world

revolves around them.

- Oh, sweetie,

I'm so proud of you, sweetie.

To the mommies!

- To the mommies.

- To the mommies.

So nice to see you, Kel.

- How many, um, calories

are in...

- Hola.

Nacho lady con cervezas.

Hey.

You enjoying the view?

No, not really.

Who's the uptight b*tch?

- That would be

my sister-in-law, Julie.

- She's a little bit

overdressed.

Wow.

Wh...

I brought you nachos

and cervezas.

Muy bueno.

To what do I owe this unexpected

nocturnal pleasure?

You reading poetry?

Hey.

#Your moist towelette #

- Nice music.

- Yeah.

Well, I know the bassist.

She's a total fox.

So what are you... doing here

and all dressed up?

Not that I'm unhappy to see you,

but shouldn't you be at home

with your husband and kid?

- I was ordered

to go out and have a good time,

so I had a girls' night out.

- So shouldn't you be out

with your posse

at f***ing Tommy's Irish Tavern

or something?

Yep.

Wow.

I realized we don't have

anything in common anymore.

People are cowards.

Nobody ever just comes out

and says,

"Dude, your life

totally freaks me out. "

They just vanish.

- Jesus.

Sorry.

I mean, that's basically

the same thing that happened

to me.

Just... I got out of rehab,

and they threw

this big party for me and,

and then... and then, you know,

they all disappeared.

I haven't seen them since.

Bailey said, uh,

it was too intense for her.

She was f***ing some other dude

four weeks to the day

after the accident.

What a b*tch.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean,

this was basically her fault.

What do you mean?

- She was always making me

jump through hoops

and do crazy sh*t for her,

like stealing these signs.

You know,

I was supposed to prove

how I felt about her

or something.

Anyways, I was performing

what turned out to be

the last of my grand gestures

when I had the accident.

I climbed to the top

of this water tower...

you know, the one on the hill

by the overpass?

Mm-hmm.

- And I was gonna put

her name on it

but, I mean, not just her name...

like, this whole mural with,

like, undergrowth and plants

and leaves and flowers.

It was so cool up there, man.

And, uh... and it was a statement

about Bailey as this life-force,

like the electrical energy

of wild growing things.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

Well, that's how

she made me feel.

And, uh, I'm 50 feet

above the ground,

spray-painting her name,

and I never finished.

I got to the word "bail,"

which is basically what she did

when she figured out

the f***ing physical therapy

wasn't gonna take.

To absent friends.

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