Kenny
Right, sorry,
so the show's on the 16th.
And what... Is it a festival, is it?
How many people
would you expect from...
From start to finish, how many people
would you expect?
We'll say 4,000?
Keep it going.
No worries. Now, is alcohol being
served at the event?
No, it's all being charged.
It's a bar, is it?
Uh, is there food...
Good quality food,
or probably just junk food?
Chips and... Pizzas. Yeah.
And, uh, have you got any
Indonesian foods or curries?
You have? Alright.
Well, normally, if it was
a non-drinking event...
...as far as alcohol...
...and there was
no food or curries...
...for 4,000 people for 10 hours...
...you'd have five male
and five female blocks.
But you've got alcohol
being served...
...as well as the food and you've got
curries in there as well...
...which does make
a bit of a difference.
And on the, uh... On the solid
to water-based...
...you've got a 4 to 1.
So it's basically
four liquid to one solid.
That's the piss and sh*t ratio, yeah.
People... I must admit,
when people find out what I do...
I mean, when they ask
what I do, I say I'm a plumber...
...and they say, "Well,
that'd be pretty interesting,"
...and I say,
"Well, not that interesting...
"'cause all I plumb
is shithouses. "
As you can see,
we've got a lot of blocks here.
We've just gotta find
one more combo unit...
...and we're on our way.
Where is the bastard?
How do you lose a 40ft toilet?
Yeah, most people...
...because, of course, they think
you're handling the stuff.
They think... I don't know
whether they think I eat it...
...or whether they think
I scrub it on meself.
You know, I plumb it.
See? Here's another
classic example.
Someone having
a 2-inch arsehole...
...and us only having installed
1- inch piping.
As much as people think
you're covered in sh*t and piss...
...you're not.
It's 85% of its water.
85 and in some instances
up to 90% water.
I know that leaves around...
...about 10% to 15%
of sh*t and piss...
...but there's some chemicals
in there that work on that.
See, this is what we spend
half our time cleaning up.
How hard is it?
I mean, I don't mean to be
straight up about it...
...but, I mean, there's a urinal -
...you stand here
and, being a male...
...you've got a prong on you
which points forward...
...so I don't understand
how they get it under their feet.
They must point it down.
The funny part is,
parents look at me, you know...
...and say, "Well, that's not
much of a job, is it?
"Did you wish
you did something else?"
I said, "Well, you had kids.
"You spent the first two years
handling their sh*t.
"And you weren't
getting paid for that. "
And they're... They sh*t green.
Only thing
that's supposed to be green...
...is apples, pears and Martians.
Stay there.
Yo!
That's the one.
Pretty lonely old job, this.
We're here before
the crowds get here...
...and we're the last to leave.
We miss out on all the fun,
don't we, Alf?
Yeah.
Yeah, shut her off, Alfie,
she's all done, mate.
Just make sure you stock up
all the poo tickets, boys.
This one's gonna get
a flogging today.
Yeah, well, this is where most of the
paperwork gets done...
...obviously.
This is the... Realistically, the sciatic
nerve of Splashdown.
What we do, normally
it's corporate bathroom rentals.
I mean, at the end of the day...
...it's just a fancy way of having
somewhere to sh*t, isn't it?
Having a nice place to purge.
But, uh, I mean,
other companies...
Up in Sydney there's one
that has a slogan -
'We're number one
with your number twos'.
I prefer not to spend
too long in the office.
I prefer working outside...
...but this is obviously where the real
business end gets done...
...so to speak.
Doesn't matter
how big the event is...
...or how important the event is...
...be it a corporate event
or a concert...
...you would think that
we'd be the first thing...
...that people would think of...
...because it's the one thing
everyone does on most days -
la me, 10 a. M., every morning,
regular as clockwork.
on their mind...
...when, realistically, it should be
the first thing they think of...
...because if we don't turn up...
...grab the business
and get going with it...
...well, they really are in the sh*t,
aren't they?
We've got a bit of a drive here...
...because we've gotta
drop this load off...
...at mama and papa poo
in Werribee.
Funny thing is, a lot of people
use the word 'sh*t' now...
...of course as an abusive word,
you know, as a swear word -
...the sort of word you wanna
keep away from kiddies.
But the funny part is,
where it came from...
...was when they started to transport
manure in the ships...
...so they could use it
to fertilize gardens.
Problem was, moisture
would get in from the boat...
...into the bottom of the boat...
...and mix up with some of the manure
they were transporting...
...and it would start to ferment
and it would cause a gas...
...and the problem was...
...if someone went down there
with a candle...
...or lit a match or had a pipe
or something down there...
...sometimes it ignited and there was an
explosion on the boat.
After that,
they put all the crap in boxes...
...and it had 'SH*T'
written on the side of the box...
...and that stood for
'Store High In Transit'.
And that's where
it got its name from.
So... I don't know
whether there's any truth...
...to that story or not...
...but it's a pretty elaborate,
you know, lie.
Bit of a long-winded set-up if
someone's made that story up.
I'm going with it.
Yeah, so, I'm having to work
a little bit of overtime tonight...
...just to get a couple
We've got a heap of them
going out next week.
As you can see, the kids...
I don't know what they do.
They've broken through
that one. They do all sorts...
Oh, have a look at this one.
You won't believe this.
Have a look at this. This one
I replaced this morning.
Look at that! Eh?
What kind of curry
has that bloke been eating?
Devil's curry.
Hell's teeth, I tell you.
I've never understood why
I... I enjoy a good crap,
to be quite honest.
I not only enjoy it, I love it.
I don't think
it's all pain and anger.
Me, personally, I sit on a toilet
for 20-odd minutes...
...as most men can.
Do you know,
it's an interesting fact...
...as far as smells...
...apparently your body
only is in shock -
...and sometimes it is shock -
...for about the first 7 to 12 seconds or
something...
...and after that you get
used to it very quickly.
That's why a man can read...
...a newspaper or magazine
from front to back...
...you know, in the toilet, in his own
smell, and not notice it.
Mind you,
the next person that walks in...
...will think they've been smacked in the
head...
...with a poo bat.
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