Kenny

Right, sorry,

so the show's on the 16th.

And what... Is it a festival, is it?

How many people

would you expect from...

From start to finish, how many people

would you expect?

We'll say 4,000?

Keep it going.

No worries. Now, is alcohol being

served at the event?

No, it's all being charged.

It's a bar, is it?

Uh, is there food...

is there food being served?

Good quality food,

or probably just junk food?

Chips and... Pizzas. Yeah.

And, uh, have you got any

Indonesian foods or curries?

You have? Alright.

Well, normally, if it was

a non-drinking event...

...as far as alcohol...

...and there was

no food or curries...

...for 4,000 people for 10 hours...

...you'd have five male

and five female blocks.

But you've got alcohol

being served...

...as well as the food and you've got

curries in there as well...

...which does make

a bit of a difference.

And on the, uh... On the solid

to water-based...

...or liquid waste ratio...

...you've got a 4 to 1.

So it's basically

four liquid to one solid.

That's the piss and sh*t ratio, yeah.

People... I must admit,

when people find out what I do...

I mean, when they ask

what I do, I say I'm a plumber...

...and they say, "Well,

that'd be pretty interesting,"

...and I say,

"Well, not that interesting...

"'cause all I plumb

is shithouses. "

As you can see,

we've got a lot of blocks here.

We've just gotta find

one more combo unit...

...and we're on our way.

Where is the bastard?

How do you lose a 40ft toilet?

Yeah, most people...

they always freak out...

...because, of course, they think

you're handling the stuff.

They think... I don't know

whether they think I eat it...

...or whether they think

I scrub it on meself.

You know, I plumb it.

See? Here's another

classic example.

Someone having

a 2-inch arsehole...

...and us only having installed

1- inch piping.

As much as people think

you're covered in sh*t and piss...

...you're not.

It's 85% of its water.

85 and in some instances

up to 90% water.

I know that leaves around...

...about 10% to 15%

of sh*t and piss...

...but there's some chemicals

in there that work on that.

See, this is what we spend

half our time cleaning up.

How hard is it?

I mean, I don't mean to be

straight up about it...

...but, I mean, there's a urinal -

...you stand here

and, being a male...

...you've got a prong on you

which points forward...

...so I don't understand

how they get it under their feet.

They must point it down.

The funny part is,

parents look at me, you know...

...and say, "Well, that's not

much of a job, is it?

"Did you wish

you did something else?"

I said, "Well, you had kids.

"You spent the first two years

handling their sh*t.

"And you weren't

getting paid for that. "

And they're... They sh*t green.

Only thing

that's supposed to be green...

...is apples, pears and Martians.

Stay there.

Yo!

That's the one.

Pretty lonely old job, this.

We're here before

the crowds get here...

...and we're the last to leave.

We miss out on all the fun,

don't we, Alf?

Yeah.

Yeah, shut her off, Alfie,

she's all done, mate.

Just make sure you stock up

all the poo tickets, boys.

This one's gonna get

a flogging today.

Yeah, well, this is where most of the

paperwork gets done...

...obviously.

This is the... Realistically, the sciatic

nerve of Splashdown.

What we do, normally

it's corporate bathroom rentals.

I mean, at the end of the day...

...it's just a fancy way of having

somewhere to sh*t, isn't it?

Having a nice place to purge.

But, uh, I mean,

other companies...

Up in Sydney there's one

that has a slogan -

'We're number one

with your number twos'.

I prefer not to spend

too long in the office.

I prefer working outside...

...but this is obviously where the real

business end gets done...

...so to speak.

Doesn't matter

how big the event is...

...or how important the event is...

...be it a corporate event

or a concert...

...you would think that

we'd be the first thing...

...that people would think of...

...because it's the one thing

everyone does on most days -

la me, 10 a. M., every morning,

regular as clockwork.

It's never the first thing

on their mind...

...when, realistically, it should be

the first thing they think of...

...because if we don't turn up...

...grab the business

and get going with it...

...well, they really are in the sh*t,

aren't they?

We've got a bit of a drive here...

...because we've gotta

drop this load off...

...at mama and papa poo

in Werribee.

Funny thing is, a lot of people

use the word 'sh*t' now...

...of course as an abusive word,

you know, as a swear word -

...the sort of word you wanna

keep away from kiddies.

But the funny part is,

where it came from...

...was when they started to transport

manure in the ships...

...so they could use it

to fertilize gardens.

Problem was, moisture

would get in from the boat...

...into the bottom of the boat...

...and mix up with some of the manure

they were transporting...

...and it would start to ferment

and it would cause a gas...

...and the problem was...

...if someone went down there

with a candle...

...or lit a match or had a pipe

or something down there...

...sometimes it ignited and there was an

explosion on the boat.

After that,

they put all the crap in boxes...

...and it had 'SH*T'

written on the side of the box...

...and that stood for

'Store High In Transit'.

And that's where

it got its name from.

So... I don't know

whether there's any truth...

...to that story or not...

...but it's a pretty elaborate,

you know, lie.

Bit of a long-winded set-up if

someone's made that story up.

I'm going with it.

Yeah, so, I'm having to work

a little bit of overtime tonight...

...just to get a couple

of extra toilets ready.

We've got a heap of them

going out next week.

As you can see, the kids...

I don't know what they do.

They've broken through

that one. They do all sorts...

Oh, have a look at this one.

You won't believe this.

Have a look at this. This one

I replaced this morning.

Look at that! Eh?

What kind of curry

has that bloke been eating?

Devil's curry.

Hell's teeth, I tell you.

I've never understood why

people all carry on about it.

I... I enjoy a good crap,

to be quite honest.

I not only enjoy it, I love it.

I don't think

it's all pain and anger.

Me, personally, I sit on a toilet

for 20-odd minutes...

...as most men can.

Do you know,

it's an interesting fact...

...as far as smells...

...apparently your body

only is in shock -

...and sometimes it is shock -

...for about the first 7 to 12 seconds or

something...

...and after that you get

used to it very quickly.

That's why a man can read...

...a newspaper or magazine

from front to back...

...you know, in the toilet, in his own

smell, and not notice it.

Mind you,

the next person that walks in...

...will think they've been smacked in the

head...

...with a poo bat.

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