Kes

Jud?

What?

Yer'd better get up.

The alarm's gone off, yer know.

Do you think I don't know?

- Jud?

- What?

- You'll be late.

- Shut it.

- Clock's not fast, yer know.

- I said, shut it.

- Give over. That hurts!

- Well, shut it, then.

I'll tell me mam on you.

Shut yer stinkin' mouth.

Oh, Christ!

- Set clock on for me, Jud. For seven.

- Set it yerself.

Go on, you're up.

Hands off c*cks; on socks.

You rotten sod!

Just because you've to get up!

- Another few weeks, you'll be up with me.

- I'll not.

- Won't yer?

- No, cos I'm not gonna work down the pit.

- Where are yer gonna work?

- I don't know, but not down the pit.

No. And have I to tell yer why?

For one thing, you've to be able

to read and write before they set yer on.

And they wouldn't have

a weedy little twat like thee.

- Switch t'light out, then.

- Switch it out yerself.

Me billicking bike!

- I thought you weren't coming.

- Why? I'm not late, am I?

Very near.

- I nearly was, though.

- What do yer mean?

Our Jud, he's taken t'bike.

- What you gonna do, then?

- Walk it.

- How long d'yer think that's gonna take?

- It'll not take me long.

There's a waiting list a mile long

for that job. Good lads, too, most of 'em.

- From up Firs Hill, round there.

- I haven't let you down, have I?

- Mornin'.

- Mornin'. Not very promisin'.

- A bit on the nippy side as well, I think.

- Aye.

- 20 Players tipped, please.

- Oh, right.

- I've not got 20. Will two tens do?

- Yes. That'll be quite all right, thank you.

Thank you. Right. Cheerio.

- Cheerio. Good mornin', sir.

- Good mornin'.

You know what they said

when I took you on?

"You'll have to keep yer eyes open now.

He'll take yer breath if you're not careful."

- I haven't taken owt of yours yet, have I?

- I haven't given you a chance, that's why.

You don't have to.

I haven't been nicking for ages now.

- Ah, well, don't stand about all day.

- I'm goin'.

- How tha goin' on?

- Not so bad.

Get one of these. Better than walkin'.

Only just. I could go

faster on a kid's scooter.

Tha knows what I always say; third-class

ridin's better than first-class walkin'.

Third-class ridin'? In that ramshack?

Ramshack? This is one of best models

t'dairy's got. Cheeky! Sithee tomorrow.

- Can only go 20 mile an hour, as it is.

- Tha's got too much rattle, thee.

"Desperate Dan is stronger than all,

but this opponent makes him fall."

"- Right! Where do you want to fight?

- Right here!"

"SKlD."

"Down I go again!

What's making me fall?"

"Now's my chance to -

jump on his chest!"

"THUD."

"You won't catch me out this time,

you braggart!"

"A sock in the midriff

will settle your game!"

"SPLASH."

"What's this on my face?

Why, it's grease!"

"- Give me that tube back!

- That's how he kept making me slip!"

"He was squirting

invisible grease under my feet!"

"You dirty twister!

It's time somebody taught you a lesson!"

"- Take that!

- CRASH!"

"- Where did he end up?

- In the middle of next week, Uncle Dan!"

- Evenin'.

- I told yer it wouldn't take me long.

What did you do?

Throw 'em over the gates?

- I know some short cuts ont' way back.

- I'll bet you do! Over other folk's property.

How many times d'yer want

tellin' where to put that bag?

- Time is it?

- Time you were at school.

ls it that late?

I wouldn't be your teacher

for all the coal in Barnsley.

Oh, Mr Porter! Watch it, Mr Porter.

Yer clumsy young bugger!

What yer tryin' to do? Kill me?

I lost me balance.

I wouldn't put it past yer, either.

I fair felt me heart go then.

Just sit down here and

relax a couple o' minutes.

Are yer all right now?

- I'm bloody champion!

- I'll be off, then.

And don't be late tonight.

- Allot?

- Sir.

- Bowser?

- Sir.

Bridges?

- Absent, sir.

- Absent, Bridges. Casper?

- Sir.

- Clegg?

- Sir.

- Fisher?

German Bight.

- Did you say something?

- I didn't mean to, sir.

Stand up, lad. What did you say?

- German Bight, sir.

- He's daft, sir.

- ls this your ridiculous idea of a joke?

- No, sir.

- What is the idea, then?

- When you said "Fisher", sir.

- What about it?

- Fisher. German Bight.

It's the shipping forecast, sir.

Fisher. German Bight. Cromarty.

I like to hear it every night, sir.

I like t'names.

So you thought you'd enlighten me and

the class with your idiotic information?

- No, sir.

- Making a mess of my register.

- lt just came out.

- And so did you, Casper.

Just come out from under a stone.

I said, quiet!

ls anyone else absent

besides Bridges and Fisher?

Any girls?

Right. Now, then,

it's time you were off to assembly.

One row at a time. This one, stand.

Move forward.

Pamela, you're talking. Cut it out.

- Billy, what do yer mean, Germans bite?

- I'm sick of hearin' about "Germans bite"!

- Are yer comin' nestin' tomorrow?

- Ar.

- What time?

- About six.

Don't be late.

- Coming, Guth?

- Where?

- Nestin'.

- When?

- Tomorrow.

- What time?

- About six.

- Can't. Takin' t'girlfriend to Sheffield.

Excuses!

What do you want

at this time in the morning?

Get your Mac up.

Hey, he's fast asleep.

I can't get him up at this time.

- Just get him up for me.

- His father, he'll be down to yer.

I'm not bothered about his father.

I want your MacDowall.

- Bugger off, you little sod!

- Get him up, will yer?

- I'm not gettin' him up.

- He said I had to get him up.

He's fast asleep and he's not goin',

so just get off with yer.

- Now, then. What's tha doin'?

- Nowt.

Bugger off, then. It's private property.

- Can I get up to that kestrel's nest?

- What kestrel's nest?

- Up wall.

- No nest up there, so off tha goes.

There is. I've seen 'em come out.

What will tha do? Take all its eggs?

- They're young 'uns.

- Nowt to go up for, then, is there?

Can I come to t'bottom, then?

Never seen a kestrel's nest before.

Come on, then.

There it is. That big hole.

- It's nested there for donkey's years now.

- And I never knew.

- No, there's not many that does.

- Been watchin' from t'wood there.

Goes onto t'post, then hovers,

then swoops down onto t'prey,

carries it off to t'young 'uns. Looks great.

I've been gonna knock

that wall down for ages.

- What for?

- It's dangerous. I won't let her play near.

- lf I lived round here, l'd train a young 'un.

- Would yer?

Yer can train 'em.

Do yer know how?

- Do you know?

- No. There's not many that does.

They're hard to train.

lf they're not kept properly, it's criminal.

- Do yer know anybody who's kept 'em?

- One or two.

But, er, they had to let 'em go

because they're hard to train.

Where can I find out about 'em, then?

Well, probably t'public library.

They'll have some books on 'em.

- Where's that?

- Down int' city.

Hey, are you a member?

- What do yer mean?

- Are you a member of the library?

I don't know about that.

I only want a book on falconry.

You have to be a member

to take a book out.

- I only want one.

- Have you filled one of these forms in?

- No.

- You're not a member, then.

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