Kes Page #2

You'll have to take one of these home

for your father to sign.

- Me dad's away.

- You can wait till he comes back home.

- I don't mean that. I mean he's left home.

- I see. Your mother'll have to sign it.

Ar, but she's at work

and she'll not be home till tea time.

There's no rush, is there?

I've never broke a book.

I haven't tore it, or...

Look at your hands. They're filthy.

We'll end up with dirty books that way.

- I don't ready dirty books.

- I hope you don't. You're not old enough.

Me mam knows someone who

works here. That'll help, won't it?

No, not at all.

You still have to have the back signed.

To be a member, you'll have

to have somebody over 21

who is on the borough

electoral roll to sign it.

- I'm over 21 .

- You're not over 21 .

- Ar, but I vote.

- You don't vote. You're not...

I vote for me mam.

She dun't like votin', so I do it.

- Just have to wait for it, won't you?

- Where would I find a book? In a shop?

You'd have to go down the street.

There's a second-hand bookshop there.

- Hello. Can I help you?

- Yes.

I'm rather interested in Nol Coward's

autobiography, Present lndicative.

- What's tha got this for? Tha can't read.

- Give us it here.

Get off! Falconry?

What's tha want to know about falconry?

Give it here!

- Where've yer got this from?

- I've lent it.

Stole it, more like.

Where've yer got it from?

A shop in town.

You must be crackers. I could understand

if it were money, but chuff me, not a book!

Have it!

Look what yer've done.

I'm lookin' after this book.

- And what better off will yer be?

- A lot. I'm gonna get a kestrel and train it.

Train it? Yer couldn't train a flea.

Anyway, where yer gonna get

a kestrel from?

- I know a nest.

- Yer don't.

- All right, then, I don't.

- Where?

- I'm not tellin'.

- I said, where?

- You're hurtin' me arm!

- Where, then?

Monastery Farm.

Yer could have broke me arm then.

I'll have to see about

goin' round there wi' me gun.

- I'll tell t'farmer on yer.

- Why? What's he got to do with it?

- He protects 'em.

- Protects 'em?

Hawks are a menace to farmers.

They eat all the poultry an' that.

Ar, I know. They dive down

onto t'cows and take 'em away.

- Funny bugger.

- Well, yer talk daft. They're only small.

They eat mice, insects,

and little birds sometimes.

Hope I'll be watchin' a bird tonight. She'll

not have feathers. Not all over, anyway.

- Have you had any tea yet, Billy?

- No.

Well, get some, then.

You where t'pantry is.

- How's yer horses gone on, Jud?

- Not bad. Two winners.

You haven't.

Might be gettin' tret tonight, then.

- Oh, somebody treats you every night.

- Shut it!

And don't you be comin' home

blind drunk again, Jud.

- Why? Are yer entertainin'?

- You're kiddin'.

lf I entertained as much as you,

I shall do all right, shan't I?

What tripe you've been

goin' out with lately. My God!

- Better'n that cripple you bring home.

- What cripple? Reg? He's not a cripple.

Will be if he comes in here tonight. At

least them I go out with are not tightfisted.

Who is? You chuck your bloody money

around like a Scotchman with no arms!

Have to use a spanner to get

a threepenny bit out of his hand.

Aye, because he's comin' wise to you.

Listen, what about him you're goin' wi'?

Tight as a camel's arse in a sandstorm.

Keep yer hand over yer mouth talkin'

about him, cos yer'll get into trouble.

- You're not too big for a hidin'.

- He can't do it.

Who can't? You might find that

he's bigger than what you think.

More chance of gettin' struck by lightnin'.

Shut yer face. I'm fed up of it. It's every

Saturday night. I get ready, you're at me.

And I always go out in

a bloomin' mess and all upset.

Gettin' too big for yer boots,

thinking you own t'house.

You don't own it yet, yer know.

- No. I will do one day, though, won't I?

- Over my dead body.

- That's what I says, I'll own it one day.

- I'm sick on it, Jud. I am, pig sick.

I work every day, and every Saturday

night I go for a drink and you upset me.

- I don't think I'll go, I'm that fed up.

- I'll not miss yer.

You'll not miss nowt, will you?

You'll be out there.

- Yeah.

- Aye.

By, what a smart-lookin' kid int' mirror.

Some bird's gonna be lucky tonight.

Listen to God's gift to woman.

Fancy buying me

a brandy and pep tonight?

Aye. Hope it keeps fine for yer.

These could have done

with a bit of a polish.

Still, never mind, it's gonna be dark soon.

What you gonna do

with yerself tonight, love?

Read me book.

Oh, look at t'time. Five to seven.

I'm gonna be late again.

Listen, Billy, there's two bob here. Chuck?

Get yerself some pop

and some crisps. D'yer hear?

Yeah.

- And don't still be up when I come in.

- No.

G'night, then.

# I came home unexpectedly

# And caught her crying needlessly

# In the middle of the day

# And it was in the early spring

when flowers bloom and robins sing

# She went away

# And honey, I miss you

# And I'm bein' good

# And l'd love to be with you

lf only I could

Folks, thank you.

Now a Tremeloes number.

Yer can have a good time up to a point,

but there comes a time

when you want to settle down.

I'm gettin' a bit fed up

of workin' all t'time.

There's plenty of time

to settle down, in't there?

Depends what yer lookin' for, dun't it?

I just like to come home, get me meal,

get a bath, change and out, me.

Not a care int' world.

When you've been married once

and yer marry a wrong 'un,

it makes yer a bit apprehensive

towards gettin'...

Well, you know, don't yer?

Cos he were never good.

But it makes yer a bit more wary

about gettin' married again.

lf she wants to go with a different bloke,

it's not up to me.

She's old enough to know her own mind.

- Well, yeah...

- ..settle down.

You can never tell with Billy. I sit

and wonder sometimes what he will do.

Perhaps if he had been brought up

in a different environment

and had a better education, he would

have made more than what he has.

At the moment, he's hopeless.

He's a hopeless case, in't he?

# Oh, won't you please come back?

# Oh, won't you please come back?

I'm happy as I am.

I doubt if I could be any happier.

My lads have got nowt.

I don't know what they're gonna do.

I don't know whether

our Jud wanted to be a miner.

From my point of view, Reg, when

a woman gets to my age, you've two kids,

you want to be settlin' down

wi' a nice house

and somebody to come home to yer,

and be lookin' after 'em.

- Like I look after you.

- Ar, but you're not married to me.

- Never mind. Giz a kiss.

- Don't be so damned daft!

- He's had too much ale again.

- I haven't.

- Yer have.

- I haven't.

Say, Mam, have you brought

that cripple wi' yer?

Keep it shut. Keep it shut.

Keep it shut, all right?

Say, did everybody hear

about him when he got married?

He got confetti on elastic.

That's how tightfisted he is.

lf he wants trouble, I'll give him trouble.

# Oh, along the road there lives

a guy l'd like you all to know

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