Kick-Ass 2

A handgun bullet travels

at more than 700 miles per hour.

Hey, whoa. Absolutely not. No.

Mmm-mmm.

Look, if you don't wanna do

it, you don't have to do it.

Okay. Good,

I don't wanna do it.

Fine.

Goddamn! I'm alive.

Oh!

Oh, that's amazing!

I know, right. So...

Hmm.

Ready to go again?

Absolutely not.

Fine.

Don't just say "fine" and

then shoot me in the chest.

'Cause it's not cool.

Like at all.

Okay. Jeez.

I always wondered why no one

tried to be a superhero before me.

It turns out

somebody had. Mindy Macready.

After her dad died, his

old partner on the force,

Marcus,

became her guardian.

Is that a Pink Pony bag she's wearing?

Nice backpack.

Thanks.

Steal it from a six year old?

Marcus dropped

her off every day.

But as soon as he

was gone, so was she.

No one at school found out because

she hacked into the server

and gave herself the award

for perfect attendance.

Hit Girl and Big Daddy

had been the real deal.

Mindy was gonna

keep wearing the mask

as long as there were

criminals to take down.

But no matter how many

drug dealers she stopped,

she couldn't stop

feeling alone.

Me? I'd given up

being a superhero

because it was

way too dangerous.

Only problem,

I was dying of boredom.

Like most

high school seniors,

I had no idea what I

wanted to do with my life.

Hell, I didn't know what

channel I wanted to watch.

It's just TV, Dave, not

peace in the Middle East.

My best friends

Todd and Marty

had no clue I was the first

superhero to go public.

You guys watch

Spider-Man last night?

Is it weird that Aunt

May gets me kinda hard?

Not if you're

a granny-slammer.

They may wear

costumes, but it isn't Halloween.

They're real

life superheroes,

and in the two years since

the first ordinary citizens

donned capes and masks,

the movement has

started to spread.

I became a superhero

because of Kick-Ass.

Yeah, you just

come home from work,

you grab your gear

and you go out on patrol.

Help us make

the streets safe.

I inspired all those

people to get off their asses,

and now

I was stuck on mine.

So that night after dinner, I

decided to get my old costume out.

Sorry. Whoa! Can't you knock?

You know, buddy, it's perfectly

normal for you to touch yourself...

Oh, Jesus, Dad.

Get out!

DAVE'. If I was even thinking

about a Kick-Ass sequel,

I had to get serious.

Hey. Hey,

can we chat?

Please, Mindy?

Get in the cab.

Meter's running.

I wanna team up

like Batman and Robin.

Nobody wants to be Robin.

What's wrong with Robin?

Weren't you like

Big Daddy's Robin?

Robin wishes he was me.

What I'm trying to say

is we should be partners,

you and me, like the dynamic duo.

I'm in the NFL, Dave.

You play pee-wee.

So? Train me.

I wanna walk the walk,

and you're the closest thing

I know to a real superhero.

Aren't you tired

of being on your own?

Don't you wanna know

someone's there for you?

Someone who's

got your back?

And you'll do

anything I say?

Anything.

Hit me.

You're a 15-year-old girl.

What the hell?

Act like a b*tch,

get slapped like a b*tch.

Oh, goddamn.

Mindy beat me like morning

wood every day for three weeks.

Come on. Guard up!

Left, right, guard up!

Even with my damaged nerve

endings, it hurt like hell.

But, in a weird way,

I kinda liked it.

It gave me

a sense of purpose.

What happened to your face?

Nothing.

Like we were driving

towards something.

Goddamn!

Oh! Oh, that's amazing!

All the other people putting on

masks were just playing superhero.

We were training

to really do it.

I couldn't tell my girlfriend

Katie, or Marty and Todd.

But I didn't care. We

were having too much fun.

Left, right, left!

Our own superhero team.

It was gonna be balls.

What the hell, Mom? Did you

delete the news off the DVR?

Yes. Yes,

I did, Christopher.

That was the one

with Kick-Ass.

Oh, Christopher, you've gotta stop

obsessing over this superhero.

He is not a superhero,

Mom, he's a murderer.

He blew up Dad with a

bazooka, for f***'s sake!

Your father died

in a fire.

A fire?

What is your problem?

You! You are my problem!

I am trying to raise you

to be a normal boy!

That's why we moved to Long Island

after your father's accident.

A bazooka is not an accident,

you delusional b*tch!

This conversation is over.

Great. Then I'm leaving.

Come on, Javier,

be cool.

Sorry, Chris, but your mom

pays me not to be cool.

I hate you! You home-school

me like I'm a prisoner!

You threw away

my Red Mist costume.

God! I am not

the problem! You are!

I wish you were dead!

Mommy?

Don't touch that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What is it?

It's a last resort. Like if all

else fails and you're about to die.

Are you not scared to die?

Are you scared you're never gonna

grow into your big boy pants?

I'm serious. What if Spider-Man

or Batman got killed one night?

It could happen.

If you're scared of dying, one thing

is certain, you are going to die.

My daddy was never

afraid of dying.

Look where that got him.

He knew he might have to make

the ultimate sacrifice one day.

And that's why

he made me promise

I'd never stop

defending this city.

Cross my heart,

hope to die.

Your dad was insane.

You know that, right?

You're wrong, Dave. My daddy

was the first real superhero,

not you or Red Mist.

It was my daddy,

and it was an honor

to serve by his side.

Hey, Min,

how was school?

Super crazy.

Miss Mullins

was out today,

so we had Mr. Cooper teaching

us biology, such a grump.

Oh, really? That's weird because

Principal Himoff called me yesterday.

You were supposed

to get an award

for perfect attendance,

but you didn't attend.

I followed you this morning. Saw

you get into a cab with some boy,

and I lost you guys

over the bridge.

So now you wanna tell me

where you really were today?

I'm really sorry, Marcus.

I didn't wanna make you mad.

Cut the waterworks, Min.

You're 15, not five.

Okay.

Look, he asked me to out

class and go to the mall.

So,yeah,

yeah, I did.

This has nothing to do

with you being Hit Girl?

I'm not gonna

find any ninja blades

or throwing stars

under your bed?

No. I just wanted him

to like me. Okay?

Sweetie, skipping school's not

a way to get boys to like you.

I'm so stupid.

Hey, hey.

You're one of the smartest little girls I know.

Let's go get some pizza.

What, you mean

I'm not grounded?

Well, just consider

this a warning.

Hey, you sure you wanna

give all your mom's things away?

What the hell am I supposed

to do with all her stuff?

Damn, she had

a nice pair of guns.

Dude, she's dead!

Don't talk about her tits.

I was talking about these.

Oh, those.

Those were my dad's.

Why don't you keep them?

Are you sure?

Yeah. I mean,

they belong to you, right?

Come on, Chris.

You're your own man now.

Just be careful, all right?

Yeah.

Whoa!

Definitely don't

wanna keep those!

I'll take care of it.

You take the day off.

Later.

Hey.

So, are you ready for

your first field test?

What am I supposed

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