Kicking and Screaming Page #8

You're no different than us. We stay

together out of fear. That's all we know.

Then we should adjust and treat him better.

He's not a child.

Max, you just accept everything,

like it'll go on like this.

I'm 22.

- When I'm 42 you'll be 42, and Otis'll be 42.

- Thanks.

That's interesting. Of course,

my birthday is in a month, so I'll be 43, but -

You know what I mean.

We all know what we mean.

Just leave Skippy be.

He's not a child.

Max is an a**hole, but he's right.

What?

I'm defending you, you idiot.

This crap is all just a symptom of the pressures

the Hawks have put upon themselves -

Thought we were the Cougars.

- Cougars, Hawks, Jerk-offs- Who gives a f***?

- Jerk-offs.

It's a symptom of the pressures

we put upon ourselves to remain friends...

in this non-unnatural environment,

liberal arts bullshit.

- I'm not prepared!

- Hey, is everything all right here?

Soon we're gonna all start

backstabbing one another.

Skippy.

I know.

You and Miami.

- I slept with her.

- Yeah, I know. She told me.

And Grover told me too.

And Otis told me also.

I didn't say a word.

Well, aren't we all good friends.

Although Miami said

she slept with Max...

and three of you say

Max slept with her.

- I don't know who to believe.

- I am sorry.

We were both just there.

It was just a thing.

I'm not -And there's Kate.

Yeah.

I hate you.

Essentially, we're not friends.

Basically, you're a fuckhead.

As of now -

Wait till the second hand

passes the five -

There. As of now,

our friendship is done.

It's official. It's finished.

Hi.

- I was just walking by-

- Hold it. Hold it. Just -

I'm having... one of those... times...

where my name

sounds very weird to me.

My name is Jane. Jane.

It all sounds so foreign to me, you know.

This is really where

you like to hang out, huh?

Yeah. I like to come here

and get away from the school...

think about graduation.

Plus, Chet lets me listen to talk radio.

I'm just addicted to it.

This is a townie bar.

You know, these little things

that people have as pets called dogs. Right?

You know, dogs...

cantaloupe.

We eat cantaloupe.

What are you talking about?

These- These things- These things

that-that-that we take for granted-

they're just -

they're all so weird.

These words, these -

these names.

Jane. Jane.

Grover.

Gro... ver.

What are you drinking?

- Scotch.

- Yikes.

Chet.

Chet.

They only play country music on this jukebox.

I'm a little drunk.

- You okay?

- I'm fine.

Well, I'm hammered.

I mean, I'm hiding it very well.

I'm aware of that.

But I'm pretty soused.

Can you tell?

- No.

- Come on!

Well, yeah.

I mean, when you were at the bar.

You were saying "diaphragm"

instead of "diploma. "

- Other than that, no.

What about me?

No. I had no idea.

You seem fine.

When you called Chet "Daddy,"

I thought that's who he was.

Your daddy.

Sh*t. I gotta be at my therapist

in five minutes.

What do I do,

being at my therapist drunk?

How awful.

You know, despite my efforts,

my intense efforts to do nothing...

things happen anyway.

Like?

I'm embarrassed to say. I just -

I didn't want to have any attachments

at school my senior year.

You know, graduation and all.

Yeah. Me too.

I just hope...

that we both...

feel this way after today.

After we leave this moment.

I hope that

after the alcohol wears off...

you go talk to your shrink...

and I go back to my friends...

I just hope we keep this.

It's not really

as dramatic as all that.

I mean, we've got some time.

It's a long life.

Hey, what if we did have a love affair?

Do you think it'd really last?

That's a good attitude.

Right.

I feel really stupid calling again.

I wish someone would just pick up

or call or something.

Max, are you there?

Are you doing a crossword?

I have this fear that you're all around

the machine giggling or something.

Grover...

I just wanted to, uh-

Hi. Uh, it's me.

I feel really stupid calling again.

I wish someone would just pick up

or call or something.

Max, are you there?

Are you doing a crossword?

I have this fear that you're all

around the machine giggling or something.

Grover...

I just wanted to tell you that -

that I miss you.

She's really happy, her new professor's terrific,

and he's very encouraging of her writing.

She stopped calling me.

I thought about calling her.

Just seems like

a lot to do, you know?

She's so far.

That long-distance code is so long.

- It's long.

- It's really long.

I'm not there.

Do you plan to leave here ever?

Why would I leave?

I don't know.

You know, I sold term papers

to make a living...

and slept with undergraduates,

the whole deal.

After my seventh or eighth year,

I began to feel like I was using myself.

Somehow I experienced my time

as a postponement of my life...

but eventually I just realized

that this is my life.

I could see getting used to it.

I met a woman - my third American History

of the 20th Century professor.

- We had this child.

- Nice.

That is nice. It's nice.

But it's not for everyone.

Some people need to have

a real career...

which is something

that I've never really understood -

why someone would want to be

a vet or a lawyer...

or a filmmaker.

I'm paraphrasing myself here...

but I am a student...

and that's what I chose.

You might need to choose

something else, and that's -

I like that you drink.

I like a bartender who drinks.

Otherwise I feel like

I'm being poisoned.

Here's a joke.

How do you make God laugh?

How?

Make a plan.

Now arriving at Gate 4B-

Oh, God.

My mother put mayonnaise on this.

This thing is swimming in mayonnaise.

I could get really sick if I don't

get this refrigerated soon. Isn't that right?

Absolutely.

Warm mayonnaise only means trouble.

So, we'll see you when?

Spring break?

Yeah.

What?

N- No.

I think it might be better

if I stayed till summer.

Oh. God, I'm antsy times four.

- Bye, Otis.

- Oh.

Bye, Kate.

Max is gonna miss you.

Boy. High school.

I miss that like a b*tch now too.

Okay.

Flight 25 from Buffalo

is now arriving at Gate 8A.

Thanks.

Okay.

Just get this over with.

Look at the baby!

I'll give you $400 if you go in

the duty-free shop with no pants on...

and start yelling,

"Look at me! Look at me!"

Hey, Otis said you applied for a job

in the philosophy department.

- Did he say that?

- Mmm.

Well, then it must be true.

Kate might take some time off after school

and we might get a place.

Oh, and there's the prom.

- Don't make fun.

- I didn't make fun.

- I got my tuxedo.

- Bye, baby.

Attention, Flight 426. There is a gate change.

Flight 426 to Boston...

now boarding at Gate 2.

Again, a gate change-

Sh*t.

I wish I hadn't noticed that.

I think my scarf looks terrific.

Gimme some sugar.

That's high-speed.

Get your tongue

out of my mouth, little girl.

They're not some invention.

You know, a bunch of guys -

Yeah, it is.

14D. There you go.

- Thank you.

- Have a safe flight.

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