Killer Holiday

1

I can still hear her laughing.

The itsy-bitsy spider

Went up the water spout

- Down came the rain...

- No!

And washed the spider out...

I tried to scream.

- No!

- She needs me to save her.

Did you hurt someone?

Holy Sh*t. Party!

Hey, make sure we don't

throw your ass out on the highway.

Gross.

Honey, have you seen my blue tie?

I'm gonna need that

for the Jenkin's party.

Which, by the way,

I'm not sure I really want to go to.

- What do you think?

- Think fast.

A lot of sitting around

that piano and singing.

Can you just go for us?

Spring break!

Hey, Taylor,

come on, climb in!

Oh yeah, that's going to happen!

- Taylor!

- Hey, Maddy.

- Whatever.

- See you tonight for the party!

- Party!

- There were like 20 guys in that car!

Can I ride with you guys?

Yeah yeah.

I can't believe your parents

are letting you do this.

It's been a year.

Don't touch my guitar, all right?

I'll put it in myself.

All the way,

all the way, all the way

All the way,

all the way, all the way

Fight you all the way!

Mmm, you've got such

a pretty daughter.

How about we videotape this?

Look at you.

You having fun?

Come on, you have to look at me.

Look at me!

Yeah, I like that. Smile.

React!

Look at me.

- ...say that.

- Hey, Maddy,

help me convince Cammi

to come with us.

Oh, you have to come!

She has to come, right, Taylor?

I don't know.

Derrick,

- get that thing out of my face!

- Yeah, Derrick!

You're going to be wearing

that in a minute, pervert.

Yeah, what,

do you just expect us to, like,

take off our shirts or something?

Ohhhh ho ho.

Yeah, that's it. Guys are sleeping

in the tents outside tonight.

Are you going to help me

pitch my tent, Taylor?

Ewww!

Help me with my tent pole, Taylor!

- All inch of it? Classy.

- Ew, so gross.

We want you to come with us!

Besides, we need another girl.

Uhh, I don't know.

I have so much school stuff

to do and I just can't come.

- Come on.

- Yeah, we'll come home a day early.

Oh my God, he's so hot!

H-hey, how's my lab partner?

Hey, Dylan.

- Hey, what's going on?

- What up, Dylan?

- Hey, Dylan.

- Oh, what up, man?

- I guess I could come.

- Ha ha!

Does this bother you, huh?

This?

Huh? Awww, here.

I'm going to take this tape off,

but if you say something, one word,

I'm going to have to kill you.

Photo op! Line up, everyone.

- What?

- Line up-- photo op!

I'm going to give you

a chance to leave,

to the count of 10.

Are you ready?

Okay okay, one...

One...

two...

two...

- ...three.

- three!

My probation's over.

I'm ready to party!

Yeah, you made it a whole year

without getting arrested again.

Adam!

Hey, is that your parents?

Toast to the best trip ever!

Goodbye.

Love you too.

Aren't your parents

going to come out?

They were such a pain in the ass.

lt took hours before

they'd even allow me to go.

You have really nice parents!

Road trip!

- Here's to a killer holiday!

- Yeah, play!

- Poolside, nice!

- Come on, Trevor, hit it!

- Road trip!

- Whoo!

lt was murder

And 98O

Barely enough

To warm my soul

lt was murder--

Are you okay?

- I'm cold.

- You're cold?

It's 100 freaking degrees

in here and you're cold?

Just chilled.

I get that sometimes.

Yeah.

Here.

lt was my mom's.

- It's been in here forever.

- Thanks.

- Sh*t! Ow.

- Oh.

Here, take it.

It's beautiful.

Cammi...

don't wimp out on me now.

Wow, it's like, a year ago,

you were this shy little thing,

now here you are

tearing it up at spring break.

Yeah, and a year ago

you were in juvie.

Good thing I turned

my life around, huh?

Full of it

Full of it

Full of it

I'm full of power,

I'm full of strength

I got a long ass list

of people to thank

Yeah, man, full of it

Full of it

- Full of it!

- They have like a huge bow on them.

Right?

They're so cute.

There's these new shoes I want

to get and they're just like this.

Fuse!

Puffy, Oko, get back here now.

- Where are you going?

- Now.

Pu, what are you doing?

Oko, Fuse!

- Fuse!

- What are they doing right now?

Hey, watch out, Derrick. Duhhh!

Hey yo, rock star.

You trying to text me?

Yeah, because I text you

all the time, Adam, hmm?

- We should start early.

- Pre-game?

- Let's do it!

- You think he'll sell us beer?

Let's go!

- Let me see.

- Get off!

Oww! Maddy!

Sh*t! My foot!

I'm sorry.

It's not funny!

Taylor, I wasn't laughing at you.

What happened?

- Are you okay?

- I guess!

She's okay. She's just--

her parents haven't been really paying

attention to her since she got back.

- She's really trying.

- I don't know.

I knew her a year ago

and she was just like that.

Nice, Adam.

Hey!

Sh*t, out here, y'all.

I'm Wild Jack.

Come on, gather round,

gather round now.

You need to ask yourself a question.

How would you like

to see a boa constrictor

big enough to eat a man? Hello.

When you come to Wild Jack's

you've got to see the boa constrictor.

25' long.

Just over in the shed over there.

He got out once

and he ate a-- a tire.

And my partner Carl and I,

we take care of him.

Feeding him and cleaning up

his poop and whatnot.

All around these parts,

everyone knows about him

and they stay away.

They fear him.

The great Pete.

Pete the boa constrictor.

A man-eating snake.

He is a fearsome reptile.

- So who wants to see him?

- I want to see him!

You want to see him? $2.

Cost you $2.

- Each?

- $2-- $2 each.

Come on now,

let's go here.

- I ain't giving him two bucks.

- Come on, gimme it.

Let's have it.

Pay up.

- Let me get $2.

- That's two--

that's two.

Let's go, come on.

Whoa!

You'll never get him, you know?

Who?

Come on.

Cammi, we all see

the way you look at Dylan.

I-- I don't want to be mean or anything,

but you're really not his type.

I'm just saying that as your friend.

I just don't want to see you get hurt.

Friends?

It's good timing because

my partner Carl,

he's taking his nap right now.

It was his shift.

So it's a good timing.

The snake's just been fed.

Get this door here.

Ow. Come on in.

- I can't wait to see this.

- Right over here.

Slide over.

Come on and make room.

There's plenty of room

for everybody. Plenty of room.

Come on in here.

Come on, you, get up there.

All right.

Shh, settle down.

The snake must not be awakened.

''Behold. The reptilian brain

shares much

of the DNA of humans.''

Talk about human.

''But perhaps has evolved

far beyond humans

in terms of their

animal intelligence...''

- Oh man!

- ''...and ability to survive

and maybe even

conquer man!

Who really is the smarter

animal on the planet Earth?

Ask yourselves that question!

For I give you

Pete the giant snake.''

Oh God!

Pete, what did you eat?

You ate Carl!

Oh my God, look, Pete's alive!

Look, it's alive!

Carl! He's real!

Alive!

Oh, his tail is moving.

That was worth $2, come on.

It's alive, look!

He's just a trick.

It's a real mean snake!

Hey, come on back now.

It's a joke, come on.

You'll remember this your whole life.

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