Killer Movie

I believe--

I truthfully believe

that reality television

has saved television.

I-I--you know,

actors, writers,

producers, directors,

agents,

we all aspire to

the truth, you know.

And what greater truth

is there than reality?

Even when it's scripted.

# two flies in my high #

# I don't know

how to get them out #

# I don't know

how to freak them out #

# I don't know

how to hide them #

# two flies in my high #

# I don't know

how to get them out #

# I don't know

how to freak them out #

# I don't know

how to hide them #

# two flies in my high #

# I don't know

how to get them out #

# I don't know

how to freak them out #

# I don't know

how to hide them #

# two flies in my high #

# I don't know

how to get them out #

# I don't know

how to freak them out #

# I don't know

how to hide them #

# hide them, hide them

hide them #

# hide them, hide them #

# hide them, hide them,

hide them #

# hide them, hide them #

# hide them, hide them,

hide them #

# two flies in my high #

# I don't know

how to get them out #

# I don't know

how to freak them out #

# I don't know

how to hide them #

# two flies in my high #

# I don't know

how to get them out #

# I don't know

how to freak them out #

# I don't know

how to hide them #

# hide them, hide them

hide them #

# hide them, hide them #

Look at these one-touch passes.

There's no doubt

Vance Carhartt is the stick

that stirs the diggers' drink

this season.

Yeah! Oh!

Okay, tell me how excited you are

about the diggers possibly

going to the finals.

To see this town go far,

it's just--

it's the most amazing

feeling in the world

and we have such

an amazing team.

We are just so blessed

by Jesus Christ,

and I know that he

really wants us

to win state.

Um, I'm gonna change

gears a little bit.

You're friends

with Jaynie Hansen.

Have you spoken to her

since her father

was released from prison?

Um...

I don't think I'm supposed

to talk about that.

Erin, let's wrap this up.

I have to go now.

I'm telling you there's

something off, Lee.

These people aren't

as clueless as you think.

They've got

good bullshit detectors.

Now if--

make that when they find out

what we're up to,

there's gonna be

hell to pay.

Hey, Ted.

- What?

When Blanca gets here,

you might not wanna act

like such a limp dick

little douche.

She'll walk all over you.

Ted just couldn't

handle her, you know?

He was just

a little--a little wimpy,

and Lee let him have it,

so he had to go.

Ugh.

Yes, I fired Ted,

if that's what

you want to know.

I told him he could

finish out the week.

It gave me a few days

to find his replacement.

This is Margo Moorehead

reporting live

outside the Culver City

Courthouse,

where it looks like

even more bad news

for Blanca Champion.

On the heels of her

well-publicized

bout with exhaustion

come allegations

of assault and battery

from John Jordan,

a production assistant

on the set of hew new movie

Hush Hush.

As expected,

Jordan filed suit today

against Champion

and Affiliated Studios.

Allegedly Champion found

the green tea latte

delivered to her trailer

by Jordan not to her liking.

That's when sources say

Champion proceeded

to hurl the scolding hot

drink at Jordan

causing second degree burns

from his torso,

well, down to his

more delicate regions.

In a statement released

this morning,

Champion swears the beverage

was only lukewarm,

which is indeed why she

threw it at him

in the first place.

This is Margo

reporting live--

Hey.

Wait, John, where exactly

were you burned?

Can you show us again?

- John, just one question.

I, uh, I was

starting to think

that I'd never work again.

Oh, stop it, stop it.

Come on.

All right, I'm excited.

Tell me about this job.

I'm serious, okay,

it's a great concept

for a reality show.

Now picture this.

A small border town.

The high school hockey team

on a 100-year losing streak

winds up with a star forward

for the first time

in the school's history,

and they got a shot

at the State Championship.

Production's running

a little bit behind.

They need

a solid director,

and I told them

you're the guy.

Underdog sports team.

Kid makes good.

I like it.

I knew it, I knew it!

Now get this.

The team's called

the Gold Diggers.

They're from this

tiny little town

called White Plains

in North Dakota.

They're gonna--

North Dakota?

Oh, wow.

Uh, border town kind of

makes it sound like Mexico.

Uh, I don't know, Seaton.

I'm from San Diego.

I think I might freeze

my ass off.

Two words, Jake--

global warming.

My assistant

looked it up online.

It's like Cabo

up there right now.

Ohh.

When did you say

your condo payment was due?

Okay, look, I know

back on the ranch

getting cancelled

like that as tough on you.

I know, I get it, okay?

Now get over it.

This will boost

your confidence.

And besides, the network

would really consider

this one a favor.

And actually,

there's one more thing.

What?

Blanca Champion is

gonna be up there with you.

Blanca Champion?

You're joking, right?

I never joke

when there's a commission

involved, Jake.

Her next movie is with

the network's film division,

and she's playing

a reality television director

who uncovers some

major political scandal.

I haven't

read the script yet.

She wants to do

the whole method thing.

You know, be taken

seriously as an actress.

And since you and Blanca

work so well together,

the network thought

that she could observe you.

Work well together?

Seaton, I was

her production assistant

on her first movie.

I was

a glorified babysitter.

I doubt

she even remembers me.

Well, she guess what?

Now only does

she remember you,

she loves, loves,

loves the idea.

She said this time around

she could be your P.A.

Besides, with all

the bad publicity

she's been getting lately,

she could use

a little babysitting.

Seaton, let me

get this straight.

You want me to go

to a remote town

in a red state

that borders Canada

with Blanca Champion

pretending

to fetch people coffee?

Wait, Seaton,

that's ridiculous.

I'm not that broke.

And to be honest with you,

life is too short.

And how's it even possible?

You know what it's like

going out in public with her.

She draws crowds

like the Beatles.

No, no, no.

That's the beauty, Jake.

The townspeople have signed

non-disclosure agreements.

You and Blanca are gonna be

in the middle of nowhere.

Only studio publicity

knows about it.

And by the time the world

press gets wind of it,

your show will be wrapped.

And best of all,

they're gonna pay your rate.

Yeah, huh!

Yeah, you're welcome.

And besides,

getting out of town

might help you

get over the break-up too.

Thanks for going

there, Seaton.

Oh, come on, Jake.

If my fiancee left me for some

dip-sh*t kid from survivor,

I'd jump at the chance

to get out of town.

Can I bring my dog?

Yeah, I thought this would

be a great thing for Jake.

You know,

when your personal life

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