Killer Movie Page #2

starts going to hell,

work really is

the best antidote.

My name is Nik,

and I am a P.A.

on the show, uh,

Digger Fever.

White Plains

is the kind of city

that people in Middle America

make fun of.

I know that there's

little kids operating machinery.

Uh, like, five-year-olds.

This is--this is

a really small town.

You know, there's--

it's--it's bizarre,

and, um,

that's just

the way they live.

They catch their food.

They hunt it,

they cook it, they eat it.

You've gotta

hand it to coach Ty Carhartt

for breaking this team's

long-running losing streak,

and turning this team

into real contenders for State.

All right, well,

that's all of it, Jaynie.

You better get home,

or your mom's

gonna kill me.

And remember--

I know, I know.

Vance wasn't here.

Right.

Thanks.

Bye, Vance.

Great game tonight.

Bye, kidlet.

Well, I'm gonna go up

and try tweaking the dish.

I'll see if we can

get some reception.

Um, babe,

I know it's weird,

but are you sure

you're okay?

I mean, with his

release and everything?

I'm okay.

Some dads give interviews

to Fox Sports,

and some give them

to parole boards.

If the way that crew guy

checked you out today

is any indicator,

when the show hits the air,

you're gonna be

the next Blanca Champion, baby.

Vance.

She's skanky,

and blonde, and rich.

We have nothing

in common.

Whoa.

Not true.

You both have

smokin' hot little booties.

Is that the only reason you date me?

- Yes.

And the fact it really

pisses off my dad.

Come on.

We have to close up.

Then I can focus

all my attention on you.

Go fix the dish while I turn

out the lights on the trails.

Okay, Roger that.

I can get the lights too.

Just finish up in here.

Really.

- I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'll do it.

It'll take two minutes.

Hurry, please.

Couldn't wait, huh?

Very funny, Vance.

Come on, you know

I hate this sh*t.

Vance?

Come on, Vance.

Oh.

The way that girl died

is just--I don't know,

in any other town,

it would--

it would raise

a red flag.

And everybody here is just

kind of going about

their day-to-day business.

Nobody's thinking about it

like it's a big deal.

What do I think about the amount

of accidents in this town?

Um, I think it's a shame to

happen to all the pretty people.

I'm just kidding, that's--

that's not even funny.

That's inappropriate, sorry.

# I'm dangerous #

# dangerous # #

There you go, buddy.

How you doin', buddy?

I missed you.

Yeah, I missed you.

Hey, you must be Jake.

I'm Greg,

the production's U.P.M.

Hey, man.

Nice to meet you.

How was your flight?

Uh, it was good.

It was

a little windy.

Always like that

around here?

Pretty much.

Welcome to the north woods.

You ready to go?

Yeah.

It's about a six-hour

drive to White Plains from here.

I was surprised there was no

other crew on the plane with me.

Most of the crew arrived

the Monday before last.

It's been pretty intense here

with all that's happened.

Why, what's happened?

One of the local girls

just got killed

in an ATV accident.

Townfolk pretty much

freaked out

when Ted,

our first director,

tried to get exclusive

with them about it.

Wait.

Ted, your first director?

So I'm--

I'm replacing him?

Dude, those agent types

aren't too big

on full disclosure,

are they?

I generally tell my clients

what they need to know.

And Jake needed a job,

and, um--and he got it.

Sh*t.

Hello?

Is there somebody

down there?

We're taking a poll this morning

on Good Morning White Plains,

with Bob Hansen.

Hey, dude.

You're up.

Hey, man.

Jake, this intersection's

a good landmark.

It's exactly 39 Miles

from your cabin.

The Mini-mart

on the right's

where we do most

of our shopping.

Is this the place?

Yeah, almost.

It's about another

mile and a half down this road.

They're summer homes, mostly.

We tried to find

three together,

but no such luck.

Well, the second door

on the right's

your bedroom.

You're sharing

this place with Lee,

our executive producer.

Did you--did you

just see that?

I think I just

saw a guy

Standing out there

with a mask.

Dude, you've been up what,

like, 20 hours?

We're in the boonies, bro.

Oh, by the way.

Lee wants to meet you

in an hour at the local diner

for a production meeting.

Uh, okay.

Um, so it's just

me and Lee here?

Is he here

right now?

Yeah, uh, she,

and no.

She's actually sleeping at one

of the other crew cabins,

but we're not supposed

to know about that.

We could talk

about that later.

Got map and directions.

And keys.

Peace out, brother.

Bongo, what did I just

get us into?

I--I can't.

You're gonna have

to speak up.

I can't hear you.

Hello?

Sit.

Oh, piece of crap.

You must be Jake.

I'm Phoebe, Lee's assistant.

We're totally

excited you're here.

Jake, I'm Lee Tyson,

the show's producer.

Thank you

for getting here so quick.

Yeah, no problem.

Hey, it's too bad your

last show got canceled.

But their loss is our gain.

Am I right?

And you get

your very own

celebrity P.A.

Blanca Champion, ooh--

God bless her.

She has got

some beautiful tits.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

No, I'm sure she'll be, um,

flattered you think so.

Hey, Phoebe,

do me a favor.

Will you go call

the equipment house,

see where the rest

of our stuff is?

Sure, I'll be

right back.

Okay, look.

Here's the deal.

These people think

that we are here

to shoot a reality show

about their loser

hockey team making good.

But some girl kills herself

joyriding at night,

probably drunk

on moonshine or something.

Hey, hi.

More coffee, maybe?

Someday?

Closest Starbucks

is, like, 80 miles away.

I don't get it.

It's ridiculous.

Thank you!

Anyway,

Everyone is all bent

out of shape about this,

Except coach Carhartt,

who only cares

About winning

the championship.

Now, did I mention

the ex-coach, Hansen,

He's a flippin' loon

who just got out of prison

For accidentally killing

his wife ten years ago.

Carhartt's son

was banging Hansen's daughter.

Hansen's daughter

ends up dead.

It's f***ing gold.

Wow, yeah,

um, that's--

that's a lot

of information.

Uh, you know, Lee,

I kind of, uh, liked

the whole underdog

hockey team angle.

I'm not really such a fan

of messing with people's heads.

And I am telling you

that I want you to go

to that high school

and shoot me a f***ing show

about these crazy coaches

and their

beer-guzzling buddies.

Got it?

Um, I take my job

pretty seriously,

and i try to do good work

no matter what the show.

But talk to me

like that again,

and you can book me

on the next flight home.

Sorry it took so long,

it's totally freezing

out there and whatnot.

There's still

no cell reception.

I'll keep trying

the equipment house.

Oh, here.

Thank you.

Can I help you?

What?

The townspeople

are all up in my grill,

because I've got my crew

asking questions

that aren't just

about hockey.

I mean,

give me a break.

Do these people even own

a f***ing television?

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