Killing Gunther Page #7

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Donnie, what are you doing here!

- We got your message.

- "We"?

Blake, Donnie, go.

Clear.

Clear.

It's an elevator.

Are you f***ing kidding me? Who

has an elevator in their house?

- Let's go. Come on.

- All right, come on.

We're too late. He's already down

here. He's already down here.

Gunther is the greatest...

- what the f***?

- Blake?

- I don't know what's happening. What is going on here?

- What is going on?

Blake, I never said that you

smelled like a dirty butt.

- I think somebody edited this.

- Yeah, you think so?

- I do.

- What is happening?! Who are you?!

Why is the footage from

that camera on that screen!

- Are you f***ing with us?!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Who are you?! What

is happening?!

Get on the ground, now!

What the f*** is going

on?! Get on the ground!

- What is going on here?!

- Get down!

Put your weapons down.

I suck. I suck.

Got my friends

killed-killed-killed.

Hello, my friends.

I heard you've been

looking for me.

Well, welcome to my home.

How do you like it so far?

Hmm? Isn't it cool?

Hi. My name is...

And I'm a hitman.

Now, when I found out that there

were a bunch of assassins

trying to kill me and

film the whole thing,

I was kind of confused.

I mean, i didn't

even know the guys.

Why do they want me dead?

But nevertheless,

i got pissed off.

Then, I got inspired.

I decided to film

my own documentary

about their documentary.

Now, at first, I wanted

to make a fool of them.

Oh, my god!

Bull's-eye.

Teach them kind of a lesson,

if you know what I mean.

Did he just try to

throw poison at me?

Give me the bazooka, will you?

But quickly, I became

fascinated with them.

This is Ashley, my old teacher.

Oh, he does not look good.

And... he's down again.

I followed them everywhere.

And when I say everywhere,

i mean everywhere.

Sh*t! It bit him

right in the neck.

Did you see that?

I even started to care for them.

I didn't mean for

that to happen.

I mean, this is wild.

No!

Did they just blow up my

assistant and my driver?

Those f***ing dick-holes.

- Hello?

- Hello.

- FBI?

- Yes, we're FBI.

Yes, I would like

to report a hitman.

Wonderful. Thank you very much.

You have no idea

how great this is

to finally meet you

all face to face.

- Just in time for us to murder you...

- b-b-b-bup.

Can we just put our

weapons down and talk?

What do you say?

Cappuccino, anyone?

I mean, my cappuccino's

to die for.

Come on. Let's go

to the kitchen.

Here we are.

Careful.

It's hot.

Thank you.

So you were just screwing

with us this whole time.

No.

Studying you.

Testing you.

Infiltrating you.

- Infiltrating?

- Yeah.

Remember this?

That face is that

face. It's the same.

It's not that face. It's

not even a good likeness.

Hey, how about this one?

I hope you do what you gotta do.

You know, it was rad meeting you guys,

and if you ever, ever want to find...

Gunther, I'm right here!

Can you believe those

guys? They hated me.

And Blake, you will

love this one.

Huh?

Hey, come on in.

He's passed out.

He's a horrible kisser.

This is so f***ing

messed up, guys.

Eww!

That's a good shot right there.

I don't know if we can do this.

But what the f***? It's a

joke. Hey, let's leave it.

Hey, take this shot here.

I told you it's hot.

You're f***ing sick.

Is this a game to you,

murdering our friends?

Oh, you're gonna blame

me for this whole thing?

Blake, this all happened

because of you.

You planned this.

You got your friends

killed. And why?

Your generation is so entitled.

You want immediacy.

"I want to be the best,

and I want it right now."

Well, that's bullshit.

You know how I became the best?

I did it the old-fashioned way.

I earned it.

How do you think I learned to ram

my fist into someone's stomach

and to break their

goddamn spine?

Or to rip out their

heart and to eat it

before they even

know they're dead?

I've been doing this for

almost 50 f***ing years,

so I deserve to be the best.

And you deserve what you got.

So what happens now?

My documentary needs an ending.

So the question is,

will it be a happy ending?

What does that even mean?

Well, as I've said,

I became quite fond

of all of you.

The thought of killing you

all almost makes me sad.

Almost.

Now here's my offer.

And you get to choose.

Option one, you go and make

your own happy ending.

You get a second chance at life.

Retire from killing, obviously,

and I'll let you be.

I'll let bygones be

bygones and the like.

What's the other option?

That I kill you right now.

That's not as enticing.

We'll go.

What? No, Donnie, no.

- Yes, Sanaa.

- No.

You should go. You

know why you should.

Oh, that's right.

Congratulations.

Oh, by the way, Gunther is a

wonderful name for a boy.

How rude.

- You let my crew go, too.

- Of course.

Hey, guys, it's a wrap.

Nate, Kimmy, you

get out of here.

Are you sure?

Yes. We're done.

Thank you.

- Holy sh*t, that was intense.

- Yeah.

I guess you can

turn that off now.

Oh. Okay.

And then there were two.

What is it, Blake?

Can we just be friends?

I don't think either of

us really want that.

Exactly.

Wouldn't be satisfying, huh?

Well, maybe this will be.

Bring in our guest.

Now here is your

second chance, Blake.

This superb creature

that you pushed away.

I hope you believe

me when I tell you

that I knew nothing

of your relationship

when she and I hooked up.

It never would have worked out

between the two of us anyway,

because she's too wild of

an animal in the sack.

Like pow, pow, pow!

All night long.

I mean, f***, I'm too

old for this sh*t.

Besides, I believe that she's

still in love with you.

So, as you can see, you win.

The two of you could walk out of

here and live happily ever after.

Or I could shoot

you dead right now

and live even more

happily ever after.

You could.

Just want you to know I gave

explicit orders to my team

to shoot her to death

if you kill me.

So what is it gonna be?

The girl...

Or the glory?

Lisa, I am so sorry.

No!

What a f***ing idiot.

I mean, he f***ed

up the whole thing.

How am I gonna finish my

f***ing documentary now?

Thank you.

Now go.

Go, go! Hurry! Run!

You are f***ed now!

Oh, no.

So you want to kill

me, huh, you b*tch?

Go ahead. Kill me.

Kill me. Do it. I'm right here.

You son of a b*tch.

Have you changed your mind

now all of a sudden? Huh?!

You know why you can't kill me?

Because you're a f***ing loser.

Gunther? Gunther!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

- No! No!

No! No!

No!

Ahh!

He got to the chopper.

Who's this?

Oh, this? I don't know. No,

I'm kidding. This is Ava.

She's four-months-old.

She's been holding on to this

finger for about two days.

We have to show the

camera. Watch this.

Ava, whose toes are these?

Ava, whose toes are these?

- Ava, whose toes are these?

- She's not going to answer you.

- They're hers. They're her toes.

- Yeah.

Yeah, Sanaa and I got married.

Mm-hmm.

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