Kin-dza-dza!

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The Creative Union

of Comedy and Musical Films

Presents

Kin Dza Dza

Screenplay

Revaz Gabriadze

Giorgi Danelia

Director

Giorgi Danelia

Cinematography

Paval Lebeshev

Design

Aleksandr Samulekin

Theodor Tezik

Composer

Gia Kancheli

Sound

Yekaterina Popova

Assistant Director

Sergei Skripka

Operators

L. Bits

K. Gevorkyan

U. Yakovlev

English translation by

Andy Hurwitz

Hi

Hi

what's new?

Manohin had a pipe burst at the factory

How's the star schoolboy?

He's out playing...

Vovka, pop out for some bread

- I forgot it, can you?

And I don't think there's enough macaroni

Comrade, that man says he's from another planet;

we need to do something.

Call 03

I will call but he's barefoot - he'll catch cold

Hello!

Hello. Excuse my bad smell. I'm cold.

I found this in an iron bin.

Fine.

Friend! Tell me the number of your planet

in the tenture?

Or at least the number of your galaxy

in the spiral?

I got my contacts mixed up and now

I can't return home.

We don't know the number.

We forgot, my friend.

And now this lad will go and call information,

and we'll wait for him in the bakers, okay?

And put this on meanwhile...

Thank you... Listen, my friends.

There's no need for the bakers,

no need for information.

This is my planet... 247 in tenture,

galaxy Beta, in the spiral.

With this machine you travel in space...

So which co-ordinates do I press

in order to travel home?

You see time is relative -

do you understand this?

Let me make a suggestion.

We'll just press this contact

and travel to your home.

But if this machine doesn't work,

then you travel with us to where

we want to take you, okay?

No, you can't...

You need to know...

Yes we can...

So what can you see? Eh?

Sand...

So that gadget worked...

and that idiot, with his holes,

he stayed behind?

Dont worry...

There's the sun, there's sand,

there's gravity.

Where are we? We're on Earth. Or...

Or?

No, let's take it we're on Earth,

in some desert... So?

Karakumi? Eh?

What other deserts do we have?

Gobi, Sahara...

No, I said OUR deserts!

The only other one is the Kyzylkumi.

No. Let's take it that it's the Karakumi. Eh?

So that means...

The sun's in the west... so,

Ashabad is this way. Understood?

let's go!

Let's go... let's go!

Comrade, what's your name?

Vladimir Nikolaevich.

And I'm Gedevan.

Pleased to meet you...

You have a bottle in your bag,

is it wine?

No, it's wine vinegar.

And some herbs - coriander.

So we'll live well.

Vladimir Nikolaevich, do you remember

what number was given by

the guy who took my socks?

No.

Only maybe we're on the planet,

he came from?

Listen, Skripach! Whatever we guess,

it's all the same and wont change a thing!

Now we choose a direction and go.

The most important thing is to reach water.

Alright?

Vladimir Nikoaevich,

I want to put my slippers on.

Well, put them on!

Then wait!

What's the time?

Four.

In the morning?

Yes...

Are you late?

I feel uncomfortable...

I phoned the airport to say I'd be

there in an hour. And here we are...

Are you studying at the conservatory?

No, it's someone else's. Professor Rogozina.

He gave a harvest concert for us,

and they forgot to put the violin

in the plane.

A banquet?

No, dinner...

Ah! Are you from Tibilisi?

No, Batumi.

I thought I'd return the violin,

and still have time to catch the train.

I study textiles in Ivanova.

Aha...

So first I went to MGIMO to return it,

to the institute of international relations,

but they told me there that...

Quiet!...

A man...

Hello...

American?

Do you know any languages?

English. Some French.

Tell them we have no money...

Tell them we can't pay them.

Hello! We are from a group of tourists

and we've strayed from the group.

Take us to the town,

and somehow we'll regroup.... Translate.

Do you speak English?

Parle francais?

Hello..

Do you speak English? Parle Francais?

...Sprechen Sie Deutch?

Chatl!

No money. Money, documents,

currency - all left with the tour guide.

So, that's the result...

we turned our backs for a minute and...

disappeared in the sands.

Take it. It's warm.

Excuse me, what?

You want my hat?

I'm sorry...it's somebody else's,

I can't give it away...

There's nothing in there.

Open it.

It's not wine, it's vinegar.

Sour, eh?

Well friend so it's agreed?

You'll take us?

Skripach, quickly...

Like I said we must get to the nearest town,

and here's a way we can get there!

The jacket now...

A good thing they don't want the violin.

Now they feel ashamed!

Ktse!

What do you mean 'Ktse'?

He seems to want the matches.

You want the matches?

There.

The whole box?

Take us away from here,

and we'll give you 'koo'.

Not one letter to identify where it's made...

Excuse me, I don't understand...

Do you speak Turkish?

What do they want?

They want Koo!

Tsak!

Thank you...

He wants me to wear the bell.

Too bad.

I'll wear it, Vladimir Nikolaevich,

if it makes him happy...

Go ahead!

All right, I'm persuaded.

I'm going to light up,

if that's all right with you...

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Vladimir Nikolaevich,

maybe we really are on...

Yes! Typical Martians.

Lusenka, darling, pest,

it seems to you these...macaroni.

So. We know Russian do we?

Why was it necessary to conceal it?

Well we didn't conceal it.

It's very difficult to fathom a language,

when straight away you're

thinking in two languages.

And that Patsak is talking

all the time in languages,

the rest of which he doesn't know.

Why are you staring at me,

maimoona verishvilo.

They know Georgian too...

What did he say?

Ape son of a donkey.

So. We're from the Soviet Union,

here on a cultural exchange.

They know us, and where we are,

and can find us.

If you're not prepared to let us contact

our embassy, there will be large scale repercussions,

is that clear?

We don't understand embassy,

put on the bell quickly!

That means you understand macaroni,

you understand maimuni,

but you dont know what's an embassy, idiots.

I've had enough!

You're morons, understand?

You thought about macaroni and I just repeated it.

This is not the Earth, and not Africa, my friend.

It's the planet Pluk, 215 in tenture.

In the galactic spiral of Kin Dza Dza.

Do you understand?

How do you do? Let's go...

Wear the bells, my friend... Wear them.

There we are, well done.

Excuse me, where are we?

Sh! She has very sensitive ears.

Do you know the tenture of your own planet?

Tenture?

Well, tell me the number of

your galaxy in the spiral.

In the spiral?

In the spiral. The spiral...

Yes...

You know where the earth is.

It orbits with such planets as er...

Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...

What others, Vladimir Nikolaevich?

The Great Bear.

Vladimir Nikolaevich - come here.

On your planet do you have more matches?

Well, you'll find them.

How many will you give us

if we set you back there?

How many do you need?

Two packs like these!

Seven!

Seven.

But give us what you have now,

I will buy a gravitsapa from them.

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