Kin-dza-dza! Page #2

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Sorry, but what is a gravitsapa?

Without a gravitsapa a pepelats

can only fly like this,

but with one you can reach

any point in the universe - in five seconds.

My friends, how is it that you bring a pepelats

without a gravitsapa from the garage?

It's not in working order.

We had a gravitsapa. But when

we arrived here, it broke down.

Aha.

But don't you have a transference machine?

No.

No.

Give me the matches.

Give us some water.

Like this! You need to do this!

Foo.. You need to do this!

Foo...Do this...Foo...

It's yours, now smoke like this.

Thank you.

He says there they have a gravitsapa.

Put your matches here.

Here's what we'll do. When you put us

on the earth, you can have them...

What do you mean?

Come on, Skripach, to the open cosmos.

Wait! Come back. Come back!

On mother earth you'll get them.

Vladimir Nikolaevich! You said

if we take you, you will give us them all.

But then you stole this match from us.

Patsak doesn't cheat patsak

it's not nice, my friend...

I said - take us to the town!

And what's this?

A shed.

And what's this? What's this?

What's this here - not a town?!

You're trying to make fools of us.

Show us your gravitsapa.

It's a trade thing. We'll take it.

Patsak! What kind of idiots have I got here

who give me contraband ktse in front of witnesses,

when for that you'll get life imprisonment

lying on nails?

Have you got a brain in your head or Kyoo?

We'll buy it ourselves. Come on.

Stop! Stop I say!

Who are you? I asked, who are you?

The new foreman.

No. You're a patsak. And who are you?

I'm a Georgian.

No, You're a patsak too. You're a patsak,

you're a patsak and he's a patsak.

But I'm chatlanian, and they are chatlanian.

So you wear the tsak and sit in

the pepelats, understand?

What?

Watch when I point this device at myself,

my friend... which point registers? Green.

Now at him, watch - green too.

And at you...Green.

Now look at Uef - which colour?

Orange?

Because he is Chatlanian!

Well, do you understand?

So what?

Pluk is the Chatlanian planet.

Therefore we, Patsaks, must wear the tsak...

Yes, and in front of we Chatlanians

you must do this...

Vladimir Nikolaevich, it's unashamed racism.

Show us again, please.

Like this!

If you would, a little slower...

Like this.

Vladimir Nikolaevich, you have a wife at home,

a son doing badly at school,

a cooperative flat you haven't paid for,

and you're here...you're brain has gone.

It's ended pretty badly, my friend.

Very well, Skripach, let's play their games...

There we are, well done.

Now give a match to Uef, and he will buy the gravitsapa.

But it was said that you need them all.

I was joking.

Very funny.

Wait. We'll go together...

Don't show them your ktse, and don't think about them.

You show them my ktse.

And don't give them more than half a match.

Gravitsapa costs half a match.

Your Patsak said a whole match.

And he was joking.

Grade 300 cement?

Patsak! Remember - Half or less.

Okay.

Excuse me - Chatlanian and Patsak - is it nationality?

No.

Biological factor?

No.

From different planets?

No.

So what distinguishes you from one another?

Are you colour blind, Skripach?

Green differs from orange doesn't it?

Tourist!

Wow!

Skyscraper!

Come on!

do as we showed you...

Hello, citizen. You won't feel the cold

in that coat, eh?

They will keep me out. They will let you in.

Don't give them ktse,

bring the gravitsapa here, and I'll look at it.

Come on...

Not you!

We're together!

Not you!

Vladimir Nikolaevich, tell him!

It's alright.

Wait here.

Only don't go anywhere!

Hi!

How's life?

You say, bow... but out of respect

for the ladies present...

Well what's new on Pluk?

Lay down the ktse, and you'll get the gravitsapa.

Half?

Half.

Can I look at it?

Look.

In general I am not a specialist on these gravitsapa,

so let's go and show it to my Chatlanian.

He'll examine it.

Right. Let's fit the Tsapa.

Bad throat?

Water...

I have a proposal. I'll give you that ktse,

and you give me two bottles of water.

Agreed?

Let's do it.

Do you have any food?

Kasha...

What sort?

Plastic.

So if I give you a whole ktse, you'll give me

five bottles of water and a kilo of kasha.

For what?

Ktse.

we need to check it again.

Check it!

Oi, just a second!

Wait...

Skripach! Can you obtain more matches on Earth?

I can.

If you can spit this further, I'll give you a half chatl.

Like so... spit.

If I can, you give me two matches....

Do you see?

No.

It's just a game. I give you half a chatl,

you give me three matches.

Go ahead, spit, my son.

Thank you, I'd rather not.

Well fine. Give me one match,

or I give you three chatla, yellow trousers

and these odds. Go on!

No!

Blue trousers...

Mr Uef, I will not enter such terms and conditions.

Are you going to change your mind?

Why are you annoying me, maimoona verishvilo?

Mr. Uef! I represent a civilized planet,

and I demand that you follow our lexicon!

Where are they?

Who?

The one with a scar, who I like an idiot

gave all the matches to.

Quiet, my friends. Enough!

Enough? What do you mean enough?

I told him a thousand times

we need to go to the centre.

But he's greedy, like all

Chatlanians - 'for two chatlas cheaper!'

Well there's still one.

As I understand it, enough for a gravitsapa.

Give it to me. Here.

Why?

To buy a gravitsapa.

Where?

There, in the centre.

And how will you return us to

Mother Earth, when you don't even know

in which galaxy she orbits?

The number of your planet, idiot,

any planetarium in the centre

will give out for two chatlas!

So you'll give me the match?

So you can cover us in sand?

So you won't give it?

No.

And you won't change your mind?

That won't happen!

Then goodbye, my friend.

They're going, Vladimir Nikolaevich.

They won't go anywhere,

they'll hang themselves for a match.

Either you agree to give us that match,

or we won't take you to the Earth

for less than seven boxes!

Two thousand.

Three

Two thousand three hundred

Three

Two thousand five hundred,

I can't give you more.

You can, my friend.

Mr Bee,

I have 50 rubles, matches

cost 2 kopeks a box,

that means I can buy

two and a half thousand...

Skripach you're lying!

You have more chatls.

Mr Uef! I am not Skripach to you!

My name is Gedevan Alexandrovich...

what's that, an engine?

Don't poke your nose in every hole!

...Gedevan Alexandervich...

Gedevan, let's tie up these lads now,

and take a course to the North.

Why?

Maybe the shores of the Mediterranean are there?

Ha, so Vladimir Nicolaevich,

you've gone out of your mind, my friend.

Where on Pluk is there a sea?

They made fuel from them long ago.

Sorry, they made what?

Fuel, Skripach, fuel...

Now you owe us six thousand,

one hundred and forty boxes.

How has it accumulated so much?

You ate the kasha, you drank the

water... and took the bandura.

No, delete the bandura... we don't want

the bandura. Put it down...

Let's at least take something technical,

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