Kin-dza-dza! Page #3

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if not who will believe it?

Now give them the violin,

if you like it so much.

It's an 18th century Italian violin,

and cost 1000 rubles, if not more.

How will I pay for it?

Skripac, instead of thinking

that you're the first Georgian cosmonaut,

give back the spoon you stole from a poor artist.

I never thought of such a thing...

I wanted to return it to the institute of

non-ferrous metals, something new...

Heavens! The heavens never saw such

a disreputable Patsak as you, Skripach.

I am deeply sad.

Where are you going?

To the toilet.

You can't go to the toilet with money,

money is left here. Gedevan Aleksandervich.

Ktse are very dear, my friend.

Why?

Well now, on Earth,

how do you determine who should squat

in front of whom and how many times?

Well, you just have a feel for it.

Barbarian! Listen, I've started

to like you, and I'm teaching you.

If I have a few ktse,

I have the right to wear yellow trousers.

And in front of me a patsak

should squat not one, But two times.

If I have many ktse, I have

the right to wear crimson trousers,

and a patsak should squat

twice in front of me,

and chatlanian say koo.

And the Etsilop don't have

the right to beat me at night.

Never.

I have a suggestion, my friend.

You give us the match, now, and we'll then

give you yellow trousers, okay?

Thanks, I have some already,

perhaps Skripach needs them.

Skripach! Here are some

interplanetary trousers for sale.

Yellow ones. Do you want them?

Skripach isn't here, my friend.

Why not?

I ejected him.

But you needn't worry, Vladimir Nikolaevich

we have another ejector seat.

A new one. It's all in order.

I don't understand...

I pressed the button - he flew.

We don't need Skripach, my friend,

he only uses extra fuel...

Turn around!

Not possible...

Fuel is finished. We need to fly to the fuel station.

Turn around! Or this damned match

will burn now!

Gedevan!

Skripach!

Skripach!

What can have become of him?

You've been told.

The etsilops have caught him.

Well let's fly, my friend.

I could murder you!

Get in touch with the epsilops by radio!

But we don't have a radio,

we threw it out.

I'll be back... I'll take a look...

Epsilop!

Put on the tsak, quick...

put on the tsak.

Leave it!

Put it on, or he will trankluk you.

You and the match.

Good day.

Listen, friend, We lost a young lad here,

you haven't come across him?

What?

O! Sorry, I forgot...

They said you picked him up.

I said we don't need Skripach. I said it.

Now how do we buy luts? How?

You're a disease, my friend...

He's worse. He's just kyoo.

Here's a suggestion.

We find Skripach, and fly to the local government...

Bring a little sand, my friend...

We tell him who we are, where we're from...

They'll give us a gravitsapa, and we'll

organise some mutually beneficial trade

you give us yellow trousers and

we give you as many ktse as you want.

To fly to the government - we need

to have a gravitsapa.

The governers live on another planet, my friend.

Uncle Vova! I'm here!

Here...

Skripach!

What!

And where... My thing, what is it...

Tsak?

Well?

I have it.

So give it to me!

Why here?

Well, just give it to me, I said!

There's noone here.

That's mine.

Alright, then keep it ready.

You asleep?

No.

Don't lose heart, Skripach.

If there is a gravitsapa on

this Plyuk, we'll get it.

We've got scarcer things...

Listen!

Eh! Wait!

Listen, drop us off in the centre.

Patsak! Stop.

What?

Don't come any closer.

Why do you want?

Take us to the centre!...

Three chatlas..

No money! But we'll work for it!

And what can you do?

Me? I can do everything!

And what exactly?

Vladimir Nikolaevich is a

builder foreman, he can build you a house

And what can you do?

Me?

He can play the violin!

Play...

Play.

I can't!

See you around, Patsaks.

Woman! Wait! I can play!

Play!

Here?

There!

Wait a minute...I can tune this up...

Play.

And sing.

Wait, wait!

How does it go...

Mama, mama, what should I do?...

Cool!

What?

I said, 'Cool!'

These people like it.

What?

These people like it!

Let me be a drummer.

How?

Foreman!

We don't need Skripach!

Don't worry, he can be useful.

Give us some water to drink, eh?

I said, after the performance.

And we could take it by force.

Then you'd have to ask us.

Oo! Touch me - etselop

will come and pull off your legs.

I don't give a damn about your etsilop!

Calm down, Skripach.

Don't provoke the lady...

Foreman!

Look.....

Alright, I understand.

Listen, do you know anyone

with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?

Why?

Well he could drop us off on Earth,

and we'd give you a big box of ktse, and him...

I understand that your people

don't trust words, well read what I'm thinking...

...that your wife is phoning the morgues.

No, what exactly now I'm thinking.

What you're going to give us.

Then it's the truth.

What idiot on Plyuk thinks the truth?

Absurd!

So because you say what you

don't think and think what you

don't think, so you live in cages.

All this bitter cataclysm which

I see here, and Vladimir Nikolaevich sees too...

Patsaks have to perform in a cage,

so we need a cage. Why show off?

Doesn't matter, my dear,

we will sing beside the cage.

Get in the cage or he will see us,

and will trankluk you.

We're not animals.

What???

No you will come inside!

Come inside!

Let go!

You will get in!

Wait!

Get in!

Get in, or he will melt us!

Okay, get in Skripach.

If she wants it that badly.

Get in.

One two three...

Dance!

Dance...

You know, try to find

another ensemble... my friend.

What???

I'll be back.

We've got to get out of here.

Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.

The pleasure is ours...

Gas!

See you, bastards!

I will tell everybody...

...where this buffoon PZh has led the planet.

Patsaks have walked all over chatlanians!

Well, everything there?

She stole the eau de cologne.

Women!...

Hang on, is that lead you got there?

Let me, uncle Vova.

I don't even know which way to look.

Where's the Earth?

Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov and I,

as patsaks, could receive two chatlas

for a performance - it's the maximum.

Water, luts and fines for

epsilops - a minimum of one chatl a day.

And a gravitsapa costs half a ktse!

That's two thousand two hundred chatls.

Divided by 365, take off Saturday and Sunday

we get six. And that's for those six years when

I had no way of returning!

That's all very well, Gedevan Alexandrovich,

but these are just words.

Where is the proof, that you arrived from the cosmos,

and didn't sell the violin, as Professor Rogozin alleges,

and spent all this time in a disoteque in Garak?

Here's some rock.

Here's a chatl.

Here's a tsak.

And a nut and sand I attached to the

explanation report and handed in to Dean Raechke,

so that it could be sent to UNESCO.

Where?

UNESCO.

You are a grown man, Gedevan Alexandrovich.

You study for one term and disappear for a year!

And explain yourself...

With some pebble, some piece of old

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