Kin-dza-dza! Page #4

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Caucas ceramics, and a donkey bell!

A candidate for... well, as to that,

if you have musical talent,

then why didn't you participate in

our amateur performers course?

You will excuse me, Skripach,

but it's elementary koo!

Part Two

Short Chatlo-patsak dictionary.

Ktse - matches

Tsak - Little bell for the nose.

Etsikh - Box for prisoners.

Etsilop - Member of the Council.

Pepelats - Interplanetary ship.

Gravitsapa - Component of Pepelats motor

Kyoo - Oath permissible in company.

Koo - All other words.

Hi!

Hello.

Long time no see!

Bye!

Oi! Hang on a sec!

I've got a proposal!

What?

What?

What do we think of you?

Well? Read out minds.

Why do you stick to us?

What do you need?

Do you have no shame?

Do you?

We are poor, unfortunate, hungry artists!

What wrong have we done you?

Why do you tortment us?

Give your bandura here...

Tune up...

Like so.

Come on.

One two three.

Mama, mama, what shall I do?

Mama, mama, How will I live?

I don't have a warm coat,

I don't have a warm vest.

Shut it! You're tone deaf!

Mama, mama, what shall I do?

Mama, mama, How will I live?

Uncle Vova, let's do it again!

They like it...

They understand.

One two...

Etsilop!!!

Artists! And where is our tub?

The pepelats?

Yes.

There...

The fuel is finished.

Because of you, pests.

Skripach! What are you doing?

Hooligan!

Listen, leave me in peace,

okay?

My friend,

it's somebody's last breath,

a grave...

Mate!

You said you were 'second class'.

He's a braggart!

Cheat!

You won by reading my thoughts.

If you had a brain,

you'd be studying in MGIMO,

And not here pissing everybody off.

Want to play again?

For your violin,

case and tooth stick...

And this!

Okay?

Okay! From you the bandura, visator...

and the device you base your lives on, Mr Uef.

Agreed.

Let's do it!

Uncle Vova...

You need to screw the tsapa in.

Alright - you do it!

I'm not allowed, I'm a chatlanian.

Sod off!

When it comes to advice,

you're all Chatlanians,

When it comes to work, though...

Checkmate.

Cheat!

You purposely thought bad moves for me!

Use your own brain for the game!

How can he use his own brain,

When he's just seen these dolls

for the first time?

That's not my problem.

Give me my winnings.

Yeah right!

Uef, did you ever see

such a mercenary little patsak?

Never. I told you

we don't need Skripach,

and here's the result.

Hey!

Boss! ...

You said tsapa!

Is it true nobody sings

in cages on the Earth?

Mr Bee, on the Earth

we only have animals in cages.

Is an animal a Chatlanian?

I don't know. They act like it...

Is a nightingale a Patsak?

Why a Patsak?

You said it sings without a cage.

Well then he's a Patsak.

Ah! So you see, you have the same

open racism as here on Pluke.

Only the Patsaks have taken power,

not the Chatlanian,

Just like you and your friend the nightingale!

Let me...

You can have four gulps.

The water's for the youngster.

You owe us 6042 boxes now.

Skripach, make a note.

I already have.

Do you want some?

No

It's free.

Hey!!

What are you doing?

And me? And me? And me? And me?

I'll still give you ten boxes,

take some water for yourself...

God, Kin dza dza!

A ship!

It's not a ship. It's a fuel-station.

So we can refuel!

We can't! This one's automatic,

but with a woman attendant.

If we perform, she'll give us a discount,

understand?

Don't hesitate, Uncle Vova.

Come on, come on, my friend...

Come on...

If this was once sea,

why are there no sea shells?

On the Earth you still have sea?

We have sea, and rivers,

And honest people, Mr Uef.

Savages. You make me want to cry.

Mama, mama, what shall I do,

Mama, mama, how shall I live,

I don't have a warm coat,

I don't have a warm vest.

It's a pity my boss can't see me now,

He'd probably give me a raise.

Keep quiet, Uncle Vova.

She's watching us.

They took the woman out

and installed a machine.

So take enough for the money you have.

At least we'll fly some way!

You can't buy luts in parts.

Luts is ten chatls per load,

and we only have seven.

How far from here to the centre?

160 km.

Uncle Vova, Uef has more chatls,

In the right shoe...

Oi, Chatlanian!

What?

Can you take your right boot off for us?

Why?

You bastard!

All of you! Squat!

Why? They're not epsilops are they?

It's PJ with his Patsak.

If they find out that you didn't squat,

It's life in prison laying on nails.

Who's he?

You see that?

Yeah, it's a hologram, my friend.

The violin!

Quiet! Stand still!

Silence!

And you say koo.

It's not a balloon, you idiot!

It's the last breath of Mr PJ.

Bollocks.

How could one person breath

so much just before he died?

Absurd.

Don't blaspheme. PJ is alive!

And I am happy.

I'm happier still.

Like this.

Come on, get inside.

Plastic.

No.

Is there a normal entrance

to this supermarket?

Normal entrance you have to pay chatls for,

my friend.

Get on with it!

Go away.

Skripach! Patsaks go there!

What are they doing?

This is the fourth pump of Mr PJ.

I love PJ very much.

I 'koo' him even more!

And here they make water from fuel.

What are they shouting?

Sell.

Sell what?

Sell everything.

So we'll take a gravitsapa!

Gravitsapas are another department.

First we need to find out

the Tenture of the Earth.

Yellow Trousers...two times 'koo'.

Think! What's the diameter

of you planet's orbit?

I don't remember... Skripach do you know?

No, we don't need Skripach. You!

All right.

The specific gravity of the core

of your planet. Think.

Specific gravity? No, I can't remember...

I see.

The names of the planets in your galaxy.

Which ones do you know? Think.

Jupiter, Mars, Venus...

There was a crystal display!

Where is the crystal display?

Skripach! Put it back in its place!

I thought as it was lying there...

...it was a piece of glass...

Stupid idiot.

Enough. Stop your brains squeeking, fool.

Here's the number of your planet:

013 in the tenture.

On the left of the Great Bear.

Do you want to talk with the Earth?

It'll cost you another chatl.

I don't understand?..

Think of your own telephone number!

And ask them about matches.

...Hallo! Hallo! Can you hear me?

speak here...

Hallo!

Hallo! I'm listening, go ahead!

Hallo!

Speak! It's timed!

Hallo! Lucy!

Vova!

Can you hear me? It's me!

Vova, where are you?

Well, I'm here...How are you?

You...

How's Cyril?

Where are you, Vo...

Where are you, Vova?

I'm here, in some place,

I'll explain everything later.

How's mum feeling?

Have you been to see her?

I have been... I asked you where you were!

Listen, wife of Patsak! Stop pissing about!

Run and buy two boxes of matches!

Or else you'll never be together!

Sod off!.. Lucy! Lucy...

Lucy. My darling...

Lucy...Lucy!

Take the phone, right now,

and ring Victor Manohin...

...tell him that the keys for the plumbing store

are in my portacabin,

under the thingy...under the cupboard.

Lying on the floor.

Did you get all that?

Yes, I got it...

Put me through to Batumi, 3-47-57, please.

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