King Of California Page #3

---

"whose branches

went over our heads

"as beautifully

as the ceilings

"in our finest cathedrals.

"Upon our safe arrival, we offered

the sacrament on a large rock

"that seemed almost to have

been fashioned for that holy purpose.

"I bade the smith

use his chisel

"to carve the three crosses

of Golgotha into the stone.

[Beeping]

[Automated female voice]

You have arrived

at your destination.

This is it.

- It might be.

- No, it is! It is!

Look how old these trees are.

All right.

So obviously, it's going

to be worn down, right?

I mean, you know,

it's more than 300 years old.

Uh!

[Golfer]

Damn!

C-Come here, come here.

- See this?

- What?

This is it.

Look at that.

Look! Look!

[Laughing]

I don't know.

It might be.

It is!

That's it!

The rock must've moved.

Well, it could be

an earthquake.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Look!

I think I see it, right there!

I see it. Look!

Yeah, they're upside-down.

That's why I didn't

recognize them at first.

[Car door closes]

Can I help you?

I think it's time to go.

Why do they always say,

"Can I help you?"

When it's the last thing

they want to do?

Sir?

And they say "sir"

and "ma'am"

like they want

to show some respect.

- It's monstrous.

- Charlie.

- Sir!

- Yes.

Are you a member

here at La Cresta?

[Guffawing]

Are you shitting me?

Then I'll have to

ask you to leave.

- Are you happy?

- Sir?

- Charlie.

- All I want to know is are you happy?

Sir.

- Is this man your father?

- Yeah.

Just wanted to see

your eyes.

I couldn't tell

what color they were.

A first, I thought

they were brown.

Now they're looking

very green.

Must be the foliage.

They are so beautiful.

They're hazel.

Hazel.

Well, I'm so sorry that I

caused you any problems.

[Scribbling]

But... I'll be on my way.

I can't believe you just gave

that cop our phone number.

I hope she calls me.

She's a peach.

Once you get

that flack vest off,

she'd be something else.

- [Laughs]

- Oh, God.

[Miranda]

Let's just say this gold does exist.

What are you going to do

with it after you get it?

Wouldn't we have to give it

to a museum or something?

[Charlie, over phone]

Not necessarily.

I know a lot of people who want

to buy it if we wanted to sell it,

but you're missing the point.

[Miranda]

What's that?

[Charlie]

I don't want the money.

[Miranda]

That's easy for you to say.

You don't have to work for it.

[Charlie]

Well, define work.

[No audible dialogue]

[Miranda narrating]

People walk around all day,

sure that they're going

to win the lottery.

I've always thought

that was crazy.

Ten more minutes, Randy.

[Sotto voce]

My name is Miranda.

At least Charlie had a plan.

I mean, who doesn't

want to believe in buried treasure?

## [Hip hop]

[Car approaching]

Still, maybe I shouldn't

have encouraged him.

"From the journal

of Father Torres,

"November 21st, 1624.

"The natives appear to be

a simple, good-natured,

"stupid race of people,

"and in most respects

resemble the savages we find

"in other newly-discovered countries.

"There was no sign

of aggression at first,

"until one of the soldiers

who'd come into our mission

"was inspired to the act

of seduction,

"the object being

a young female.

"An action

unfathomable to me

"as the females are uniformly

unpleasant of aspect.

"Considerable uproar ensued

and we were forced

to retreat inland,

following the river upstream."

After they carved

the crosses on the rock,

Father Torres' expedition

had followed

the Santa Clarita River.

The thing was there wasn't

a Santa Clarita River anymore.

It had been dammed

and diverted.

But Charlie thought

that his calculations

would lead us to where

the river used to flow.

He said I can look it up

if I didn't believe him.

What do I say?

You don't have to say anything.

We've got every right

to be here.

Thanks for the tip!

You got a 302 in there?

What?

Does that have a 302 in it?

What?

The backhoe.

Oh, that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a power plant,

that 302, for its size.

It sure is.

[Backhoe shuts off]

[Charlie]

Ha ha!

Ah! Jesus Christ!

Pottery shards!

Ha ha!

Will you excuse me?

I'll catch you later.

Right on.

Broken water jugs,

exactly the same kind

the expedition would've used!

And look, it's even got

curved sides.

Okay, well, shouldn't

we take them to somebody

like an archeologist

or something?

What, have them

spoil everything?

No, they can do that...

that thing, that radio...

- Radio carbon dating, yeah.

- Yeah.

[Spits]

That's been discredited

a long time ago.

"In questions of science

the analysis of a thousand

is not worth the humble reasoning

of a single individual!"

Galileo!

Miranda, just feel this.

Put that in your hands.

Feel how old that is.

[Miranda narrating]

Charlie believed

that if we followed

the original riverbed,

we would locate the cavern

where Father Torres

and his men

had been forced

to abandon their gold.

But there was one obstacle.

This is the way.

Hi. Uh, do you have

your card?

Oh, we're just browsing.

What I need you to do...

I want you to take

this out 67 feet.

Please?

Don't touch that!

Don't...

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm so close.

- Excuse me, sir.

- What?

Pardon me, but I didn't know

we really carried these.

These? You guys

got everything in here.

Yeah, we sure do.

Is it working out for you?

- It's working out fine. It's fine.

- Okay.

All right, well...

Okay. All right.

Okay.

All right.

I'll just get this...

- Okay.

- Sighs]

Can you hold this, please?

[Muttering]

This is plugged.

This over here.

And that's it.

X marks the spot.

This is so wild.

Doubloons from

the King of Spain,

lost more than

and they're buried

under a Costco?

Well, I guess you know

it wasn't meant to be.

It's only 6 feet down.

Only 6 feet?

M-Maybe 7.

It'll take two

highly-motivated individuals

maybe fours hours

with the right equipment.

Are you nuts?

I'm sorry, but can we be realistic here?

I'm being realistic.

There's no problem here.

- I'll lay it out.

- No, forget it, Charlie.

No way.

- You did your best.

- No, no, no, no!

I'm not going to be beaten

by a few layers of concrete!

No, sir!

Not on my watch!

Hey, take it easy.

[Growls, sighs]

[Miranda narrating]

Mom was a hand model,

a job held by adult women

with eerily childlike hands.

Which you don't

come across every day,

so they get paid pretty well.

[Man]

Cut. Great.

That's a wrap.

[Miranda narrating]

She was careful.

She had to be.

Her hands were the only income

we had for a while.

- [Yelling]

- Don't you touch my hands!

[Miranda narrating]

After she left, it was just me and Charlie.

Things were a lot more

exciting then.

Like an adventure.

But the supply of toys dwindled.

We managed, though.

I don't know why anybody would

want to buy one of these things.

It's not as if it's so hard

to wash dishes by hand

the old-fashioned way.

[Men speaking foreign language]

## [Jazz]

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote