Kingsman: The Golden Circle Page #5

and trustworthy

than human beings.

(WHISTLES)

(PANTING)

Oh!

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh! Oh, no. Whoa! Whoa!

(SIGHS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

CLARA:
Sorry we never

found your friends.

Well, we all go on

our separate journeys...

but, ultimately,

we'll all arrive

at the same destination.

Shall we check my tent?

See if they're there?

Uh... Yeah.

Oh, come on.

Wow.

This is amazing.

Come on.

Uh, you know what, I'm busting

for a pee actually. (CHUCKLES)

You could do it on me

if you want.

Uh...

Maybe in a bit.

Give me a sec, yeah?

Okay, but hurry up, River.

Been waiting all night for you

to at least kiss me.

(CHUCKLES)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hey!

EGGSY:
Hi, babe.

Uh, bit of a nightmare.

I've got to sleep

with a target...

but I won't do it, unless

you agree that it's all right.

You've got

to be f***ing kidding.

What was I, target practice?

Babe, surely it's better that

I'm honest with you...

rather than me doing it

and not telling you.

Kind of got a bit of

a "save the world" situation here.

How the f*** is screwing someone

gonna save the world?

Well, it's a bit complicated...

but trust me, I would not be

doing it if I didn't have to.

Babe, please believe me.

I love you.

You are the person I wanna spend

the rest of my life with.

Is that a proposal?

Um...

Because I think I'd give you

my permission.

Having that security, knowing

that we were committed...

In that context, yeah.

Yeah, I'd feel different.

Right. Well, I mean...

I want to be with you,

but being

a public figure, babe...

like a prince...

It's a bit of a factor,

you know,

what with my job and stuff.

Oh, no, no, no, come on. Okay.

Uh, look, we need to talk

about this properly.

Just give me five minutes, okay?

Don't put yourself down, Eggsy.

I'm sure you can last

longer than that.

(SIGHS)

(FLUSHES)

What's the matter?

Nothing.

I just feel that

our spirit animals

need more time to get in sync...

and find a harmonious bond

on the spiritual plane.

Totally.

Yeah?

Or we could just...

f***?

Clara, I don't think I can.

But you know what?

My crow is looking

for a place to nest.

MERLIN:
Good work, Eggsy!

Tracker fully functional.

(CLARA MOANING ON SPEAKERS)

Don't worry, I've been

through this with Whiskey before.

Nice to be working with an agent

who knows what he's doing.

(SIGHS)

CLARA:
Wow, Mr. Crow. My turn.

EGGSY:
I'm sorry. I can't.

I'm in a relationship.

That's adorable.

Listen, so am I.

What happens at Glasto,

stays in Glasto.

I can't.

Bye, Clara.

(LINE RINGING)

(VOICEMAIL)

This is Princess T,

please leave a message.

MAN (ON PHONE):

Motor Manor Hotel...

Yeah, can you put me through

to Princess Tilde, please.

Oh, actually, sir, I'm just

looking at my computer...

and I'm afraid that the princess

is already checked out.

EGGSY:
Thank you.

F***!

Harry.

What's going on?

I was just packing.

Look at these lovely toiletries

Merlin very kindly gave me

as a leaving present.

Here, try this aftershave.

Yeah, I know, Harry.

I'm wearing it.

Listen, you can't just give up.

Give up?

No, on the contrary.

I'm about to achieve my dream.

Researching rare butterflies

alongside some of the finest

minds in entomology.

You know, you may as well

have me stuck up on this wall.

'Cause you're never gonna find a butterfly

more interesting than me.

Sorry?

When you and I first met,

I was just, like, a maggot.

Maggots turn into flies.

Perhaps you mean larva.

Larva, yeah, okay.

Whatever. The point is...

everyone wanted to squash me.

But not you.

You helped me

to become a caterpillar.

And now I've got wings.

I'm flying higher

than I ever dreamed.

And that is all thanks to you.

I hate to seem rude,

but I need to finish packing

and get some sleep.

Harry, you can't just walk away.

Kingsman needs you.

The whole world needs you.

I need you.

Eggy, whoever the Harry was

that you knew,

he's gone, I'm afraid.

Goodbye.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING

ON SPEAKERS)

That's not a martini.

It is in Kentucky.

Fair enough.

HARRY:
Here's to you, Eggsy.

You're exactly

what Kingsman needs.

(LINE RINGING)

(VOICEMAIL)

This is Princess T.

Please leave a message.

Can I have

another martini, please?

Sure.

Thanks.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(SCOFFS) Give up.

(CHUCKLES)

You know what?

That was the best martini

I've ever had.

Keep the change.

Thanks.

(WHIMPERS)

EGGSY:
It's all right.

Don't panic.

Just thought I'd bring you

a little leaving present.

What do you think?

He's lovely, isn't he?

(CHUCKLES)

Would you like to hold him?

Hello.

Do you think I should shoot him?

Are you quite mad?

What? What's the problem?

No! You can't!

Eh? What?

No, you'll have to shoot me!

Shoot you?

Well, I will shoot you.

No. No one's sick enough

to shoot a puppy!

Well, what about you, Harry?

You were sick enough

to shoot a puppy!

Do you remember?

(HEAVY BREATHING)

(GASPS)

EGGSY:
You were sick enough

to shoot a puppy!

It was a blank.

Yes, Harry. Yes!

It was a f***ing blank!

That's right. It was a blank!

I would never hurt Mr. Pickle!

Yes, Harry!

He lived to a ripe old age!

He died of pancreatitis!

You're not Mr. Pickle.

Eggsy.

Hello, Harry.

Eggsy.

Valentine has to be stopped.

No, I know.

He has a device.

It's all right.

It's sorted. Don't worry.

We got a lot of

catching up to do.

Well, well.

I suppose I should

cancel that taxi.

HARRY:
Yes.

If you don't mind...

Merlin.

Welcome back...

Galahad.

EGGSY:
Now that we've finished

the debrief, Harry...

here's a couple of

welcome back gifts.

First up...

a brand-new Kingsman watch.

Advanced software,

it can hack into anything

with a microchip.

It is the bollocks.

And Merlin...

MERLIN:
I made you these.

A-ha.

Thank you, Merlin, Eggsy.

How do I look?

You look...

Like some f*ggot lookin' for

an eye f***in'.

Now...

why don't you

get out of our bar...

before I take out

your other one?

Now, is that any way

to welcome a visitor

from out of town, moonshine?

Okay.

Suck my southern dick...

b*tch.

Oh, I don't think

that'll be necessary.

Good day, sir.

Well?

What are you ladies waitin' for?

Manners...

maketh...

man.

Do you know what that means?

Then let me teach you a lesson.

Are we going to stand

around here all day?

Or are we going to...

(GRUNTS)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

MAN:
You big...

(MEN WHOOPING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

Well, pick him up.

Now, that is not what I call

a Kentucky welcome.

Manners maketh man.

Let me translate that for you.

(GRUNTING)

What's wrong with me, Merlin?

I thought you fixed me?

Well, we rebuilt

your neural pathways.

But it'll take time to get

your coordination back.

(SCREAMS AND GROANS)

(WHIP CRACKS)

And the phantom butterflies?

You will experience episodes...

lapses of clarity.

You'll be back to normal soon.

(GRUNTING)

Whoo.

I feel like a tornado

in a trailer park.

CHOIR:

Golden Circle proudly presents

Mr. President,

my name is Poppy Adams.

Rate this script:4.0 / 4 votes