Kiss and Make-Up Page #3

will do me good.

- When will you be back?

- Oh, I don't know.

Annie, are you

busy tonight?

Why, no.

I can come back here

any time you like.

No, no, I didn't mean that.

How about coming up

to my apartment?

Your apartment?

Yes, yes. I thought I might

get in some good work.

- On the book.

- Oh.

We'll have plenty of time

and won't be disturbed.

You don't have to,

you know.

Oh, I don't mind

in the least.

Is the doctor at home?

Yes, mademoiselle,

he's expecting you.

I shall tell the doctor

mademoiselle is here.

Thank you.

JEAN:
The doctor will be

here immediately.

Thank you.

MAURICE:
Good evening, Annie.

You don't mind if I'm not dressed?

I say, you don't mind

if I'm not dressed?

Oh, no, not at all.

You see, I do like

to be comfortable.

Of course.

Well, do you like it?

Oh, it's beautiful.

And so are the pictures.

Are they patients?

No, Annie, not patients,

episodes. Lovely episodes.

Oh, I see.

"Lovely episodes."

- You look very lovely yourself, Annie.

- Do I?

You certainly do.

That's a charming dress.

You know, at the office one is apt

to forget that an efficient secretary

can also be

a very pretty girl.

Thank you.

Well, shall we begin?

Begin?

(JEAN CLEARING THROAT)

What is it, Jean?

Is there anything you want,

sir, before I go out?

No, I don't think so.

Good night.

Good night, sir.

I'm sure we won't need

all these lights.

There.

That's better, isn't it?

Is it?

Now, before we go any further,

won't you have some wine?

It probably will help.

Fine.

Now, sit right down here

and I'll get it for you.

(CORK POPPING)

Here you are.

Here's to... What?

To what?

To lovely episodes?

Splendid!

To lovely episodes.

Now, shall we get started?

Why not?

Well, where's your book?

Book?

Certainly. You can't start

dictation without a book.

Oh! No, no,

of course not.

Now, let me see,

where did we stop?

"Every woman wants love."

Oh, yes, yes. "Every woman wants love."

Mmm-hmm.

To deprive a woman of love

is to deprive her of life itself. Yeah.

But, unfortunately,

men are selfish brutes and they...

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Oh, what was that last?

"Men are selfish brutes."

Oh, yeah, yeah. Men are selfish brutes

and they demand beauty.

Beauty at any price.

(PLAYING PIANO)

Annie, I'm afraid I'm not in the mood

for dictating tonight. Do you mind?

Would you get us some wine

like a good girl?

I'll get it, but I'm not sure

it'll be like a good girl.

(PLAYING ALONG WITH ACCORDION)

(HUMMING)

(SINGING) There never was

a night like this

There never was

a girl like you

Each moment of delight

like this

Is love divided by two

Your loveliness will glorify

That happiness

I have in view

And I'll have

even more if I

Divide the glory with you

Do I hit the ceiling

Whenever you're near?

I don't hit the ceiling

I hit the stratosphere

My heart is at

the height of joy

No beauty can compare

with you

This night will be

a night of joy

And love divided by two

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. What?

I simply must

see you at once.

No, I can't explain

over the telephone.

178 Avenue Wagram.

Yes, as soon as I get

some clothes on. Goodbye.

That was Madame Caron.

I'm sorry we didn't get any farther,

but it was nice of you

to have come, anyway.

If you'll tell me where you live,

I'll drop you off.

No, thank you.

That won't be necessary.

You mustn't keep Madame Caron waiting.

Good night.

(CRYING)

You must always remain as beautiful

as you are at this moment.

But how can I?

Continue the treatments

I've given you,

keep out of the sun,

wind and rain.

Care for your face morning,

noon and night.

Continue your diet

and electrical massage.

Bandage your ankles.

Wear gloves to bed.

Exercise daily and most important of all,

no excitement.

No emotional strain.

Does that include love?

Oh, absolutely.

Love causes more wrinkles

than anything else in the world.

Oh, but what if I

can't help myself?

What if I'm already in love

with the most wonderful...

But you cannot afford

to love.

A less perfect woman, perhaps,

but not you. You are too beautiful.

MARCEL:
Is that so?

Even you'll admit

she's too beautiful.

You, the wrecker of my home.

- Are you mad?

- Yes, good and mad.

You get that way

when somebody steals your wife.

Now, Marcel, whatever you think,

you are mistaken.

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

A typical wifely remark.

Oh, you beast!

Now, now, no excitement.

Excitement sags the face muscles.

I can't think of my face

at a time like this.

Oh, I don't mean your face,

I mean your wife's.

Now just try to relax.

Splendid.

But he accused me

of being faithless.

Not of being faithless.

Of desertion.

For the past year you've been so busy

with his treatments

you've had no time for me.

Your wife wanted to be beautiful

so that she could appeal to you.

That is a lie.

I hate thin women, she reduces.

I hate red fingernails. Every man does.

So she paints hers every day.

She's not a wife to me,

she's an advertisement for you.

I'm surprised at you, sir. You should be

proud to have a wife so lovely.

Why, did you ever see

such classical features?

Perfect.

Such flawless skin?

Marvelous.

Such a superb figure?

Magnificent.

Well, then you do approve.

Certainly not.

She won't do at all.

What did you say?

I said she won't

do at all.

The woman I married was

just pretty enough.

In warm climates, men would occasionally

turn to look at her.

You've turned her into something

to attract the American tourist.

I have turned her into

a masterpiece of loveliness.

I don't want a masterpiece

of loveliness.

Do you realize what the husband

of a woman like that is up against?

There'll be lovers

in the shrubbery.

Lovers on the balcony.

Only today, I found a dark Spanish fellow

lurking in my vestibule.

Oh, my nerves are

absolutely wrecked.

Have you quite finished

insulting me?

Yes, I believe I have.

And tomorrow,

I'm suing you for divorce.

How dare you!

Now, remember,

no excitement.

Smile, if possible.

And in the name

of the husbands of the world,

I'm naming you

as co-respondent.

Smile, if possible.

Doctor, you've sinned with your scissors

and other surgical instruments.

You've lured her with lotions,

corrupted her with...

What was the name of that goo?

Creme Supreme.

Fortunately, I've been getting used to

doing without your company.

All these treatments have

kept us apart so much,

it's like saying goodbye

to a lovely stranger.

Goodbye, madame.

And may heaven help your next husband.

In India, when a husband

is about to divorce his wife,

he puts a betel nut

under her pillow.

Therefore I say, madame,

betel nuts to you.

How can you smile

at a time like this?

Because you told me to.

And because now you need

never lose your masterpiece.

My beautiful Eve,

I must have loved you all the time.

Oh, my darling, as soon as I'm free

we can be married.

Who said anything

about marriage?

Very well.

I know what I shall do.

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