Kiss Me Goodbye Page #3

though.

- Do something.

- Excuse me?

Do something.

Make a lamp move or

something disappear.

No, no, no, no.

I don't work like that.

No cheap tricks. Conjure rabbits,

stuff like that? Junk.

You see, I'm a, I'm a mental image

not a physical one.

See?

I see. I see.

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

I died here.

And your spirit is trying to

get out.

Wha...? With the New York rents

like they are? You must be mad.

How long are you planning to stay?

- Here?

I mean, are you, are you gonna,

I mean...

- Oh, you mean the weekend.

- Yeah.

- The wedding.

- Yeah.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

- Oh, good.

You look sensational.

Thanks.

So do you.

- Yeah?

- Kay, are you up here?

- Oh my God.

Oh my God. Be quiet. Be quiet.

We've gotta...

...hide you. Now sit in the chair.

- Sit in the chair!

- But listen. Uh, Kay...

Kay?

- What?

I have the feeling you're not

listening to me.

- There you are.

- Hello mother.

Now, everything in here goes.

All this furniture.

Right.

And the new table go

against the wall in here.

Yeah. So take it all out.

That's right.

Everything goes.

Except that chair.

- You're keeping that chair?

- That ratty old chair?

- Yes I am.

- Don't be silly Kay.

She doesn't know what she's...

Look, take it away.

Don't... Touch... That... Chair!

Really Kay?

It has great sentimental value.

It does?

What sentimental value it does?

I'll tell you what sentimental

value it has.

My fiancee was born in it.

- What?

- Rupert. My fiancee.

He was born in that chair.

- How strange.

- Rupert never lived in this house.

Well of course he didn't.

I know that.

It comes from his mothers house.

He was born very near here.

Oh yes. It's a lovely family

tradition.

They were all born in chairs.

Can you imagine? His mother

sitting there.

Knitting. Listening to the radio...

...and presto!

Out popped my fiancee.

Well, of course, he was much

younger then.

Shakespeare! No, no!

Shakespeare! No!

Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

Mother. There you...

There you are.

That's my first husband.

Yes. There he is. God bless him.

He died three years ago.

- You think he's changed?

Changed?

No.

- Say something to him.

- I, I beg your pardon.

Go ahead mother. Say something

to him. He talks.

Um, he talks?

Yes mother. He talks.

So you might as well say something

to him.

Hello.

How do you do?

What have you got? Brain camage?

You're talking to a picture.

No, no, no.

Not him.

Him.

- Who?

Honey, they can't see me and they

can't hear me either.

He said nothing lady.

Well, of course not, you big silly.

It's just a picture.

Gosh, guys can't you take a joke?

All right. Everything out!

Out, out!

- The chair too?

- The chair, too.

- Lady, are you sure?

- I'm sure.

- What about its sentimental value?

Oh mother, let's not get maudlin

about it.

Just because someone is born in

a chair. Big deal.

I bet someonewas born in all

these chairs.

That's right. Take it away.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Mush, mush!

Darling, I think you'd better

lie down.

- That's a good idea.

- Yes.

Billy, I'm sure they've hug the

paper upside-down.

Let's go. We put this in the truck

and I drop you off at the museum?

And you can talk to

all the pictures you want.

Ready dear? Let's go, huh?

- I'm starving.

- So am I.

Listen, why don't you two go on to

the restaurant without me.

There's just a few things I'd like

to finish up here.

Okay. See you there.

- Don't be too long.

- I won't.

Hello. You've reached the home of

Kay and Jolly Villano.

And as you probably can tell now,

we're not at home.

As a matter of fact, we don't know

where we are.

Jolly.

Jolly?

Jolly.

If you're here and I...

...wasn't dreaming before.

There's something I've got

to tell yo...

I've been thinking.

This Isn't good.

It's not right for you to

come back now.

Things are different.

There isn't room for yo...

What we had was nice.

It was wonderful.

But I'm getting married.

And things aren't the same.

I don't need you anymore, Jolly.

I don't believe I'm doing this.

Shakespeare, come on.

Vegatables, vegatables, vegatables.

Fresh and raw and lots of them.

That's the key, believe me.

Jolly was the one who conviced me

to become a vegetarian.

- Wonderful meal, Kay.

- Excellent, as always, Kay.

Thank you, Reverend.

After all, I could see what

vegetarianism had done for Jolly.

What a virile man.

Jolly, Jolly, Jolly.

Ah, well, this fellow here seems

pretty rock hard to me.

Honey, is that centered now?

- Yes dear.

- Yeah.

Jolly was so clever.

He used to have a maxim

about eating, you know.

I mean, he used to say...

"I never eat anything with a face."

That's right.

As I remember he was clever,

all right.

This is a wonderful house for a

wedding, don't you think?

You know I have a maxim about

what I eat, too.

Well, let's hear yours.

I never eat anything that

spoke French.

It's my rule. I don't care how long

a hostess slaved over a hot stove.

If it spoke French, forget it.

I won't touch it.

Rupert.

Is it straight now?

- Yes dear.

- Right.

Edgar is my fifth husband you know.

And I married you to three of them.

He made his life in construction.

I like to do things myself.

Still the best way.

What did I do with the nail?

No.

No, no.

What's the matter?

There are spots on these glasses.

You've been watching too much TV,

Kay.

Thank you honey.

I'll be right in.

Did you know that Jolly's...

...last show

is still running on Broadway?

It's the ninth longest running

show in the history.

You're just saying that

to bore us.

- I wasn't dreaming.

- It's the real thing.

Jolly!

I've been thinking...

- Thinking?

Yes! You can't stay here.

- Why not?

Because...

Because!

I get it. No reason at all.

Because I'm getting married

next Saturday.

We'll have a nenage a trois.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- I love yo...

Oh, God! Don't say that!

Don't say what?

- Don't say "I love you."

Why not?

Don't say "I love you" with dirty

dishes in your hands.

It takes all the romance out of

it for a lady.

Put the dishes down first.

Now say it.

- I love yo...

You see how much better that was?

This is gonna be laughs.

I don't know what I'm gonna do if

your mother doesn't stop...

...talking about that dead

husband of yours.

- She's very fond of him.

- Yes, and she hadwonderful taste.

Jolly this, Jolly that.

How could a grown man go walking

around with a name sounding...

...like a breakfast cereal?

Yes, he does have a certain charm.

Yeah, certainly does.

But he's not for yo...

- No? Well then who is?

- Me.

Handsome, charming...

...debonair.

And dead.

You're always one to pick out those

little imperfections in everything.

But I still love you.

- I told you not to say that.

Does... Does he say that?

Who? Oh him! Of course.

Of course he does! All the time.

I mean, like, like I say it.

Well...

No.

No, not really.

You said it real good sometimes.

Jolly!

Go away.

Rupert, darling.

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