Kiss Me Goodbye Page #4

Let's start discussing plans for

the big event.

That's a very good idea.

Yes, you've become so very

efficent, my love.

Yes, now I'd like to get this

thing straight.

You don't think it's straight?

No, no... Not you. The wedding.

You're right. It's not straight.

After all, it's not everyday that

you get married.

Although, in your case, you've

come very close.

- Kay and Jolly eloped.

- Ohh, Jesus.

I think that's a smart thing to do.

- Yeah, so do I.

- Well, it was fun.

- Where did ceremony take place?

- Yes, tell us all about it.

- Atlantic City.

I don't believe this.

- No.

- Honey, tell'em about the chapel.

Well, it... Oh all right.

We went to...

...the tackiest little wedding

chapel and the minister's...

...wife's the witness, and she kept

burping in the whole ceremony.

Don't forget about the midget

bellboy at the hotel.

- Yes. I amost forgot.

- You've heard this before?

Oh, yes, but the twelfth time is

the funniest.

There was this midget bellhop.

- Yeah.

I don't know if he was midget. He

was just a very short person.

And he spent the entire time

locked in the bathroom.

That Jolly.

He was so much fun!

- Yeah, I was, wasn't I?

- Yes you are. He was.

Okay that's enough.

I've had more than enough.

Jolly this, Jolly that.

I'm so goddmned sick of the guy

an I've never even met the jrk!

Well, at least he wasn't born

in a chair.

Look. I'm alive. He is dead

and gone.

- Dead but not gone.

- I take that back.

He's dead but he's not gone.

But I'm gonna get rid of him now.

Rupert, darling we're just talking.

It was just talk.

Kay, I'm not gonna be defeated by

a ghost.

Now if he were here, I would

confront him face-to-face.

Well, I wish he were here.

He'd punch you in the nose.

- You tell him mom.

- Would he really?

- Now! Is that straight?

- No!

- Kay, I just have one question.

- What?

And I'd like the answer

once and for all.

Do you want to live here? With your

mother and your dead husband...

...or do you want to marry me?

- I know what I'd say.

- Please keep out of this.

Well, really! I think

I shall the leave the room.

- That's a hell of an idea.

- Come, my love.

- Which is it Kay?

- Don't be too hasty.

Well?

I want to marry you.

I want to marry you, Rupert.

I love you. I love you to

the pieces!

I want to marry you and

I want to live in this house.

Happily ever after!

- That's all I wanted to hear.

Well, there you have it.

Let's get the details of the

goddmn wedding straightened out.

A match made in heaven.

I'm glad you're not angry at me.

No honey, really, it was my fault.

It's great making love in a room

for the first time, hmm?

Honey?

- Yeah?

Do you ever think of anyone else

when we make love?

- No?

- Never.

Well, you know, images pop

into my head sometimes, but...

- Like who?

- It's dumb, Kay.

- Well, tell me.

- No, you'll laugh at me.

- No, I won't really.

- Yeah, you will.

Tell me.

- Guy Lombardo.

- Who?

Guy Lombardo, the bandleader.

- See, you're laughing.

- No, no I'm not.

I'm not laughing.

Why?

Well, the first time I ever did it

was at this, New Year's Eve...

...party at my parents house.

And the caterers daughter

seduced me.

And, well, it just so happened

that the Tv was on at the time...

...and the climatic moment...

...Guy Lombardo came on.

Does he think of the

Royal Canadians?

Do you think of

the Royal Canadians, too?

No. I'm not into group sex.

Do you ever think of anyone?

- No!

Just asking.

I mean no, honey. I don't.

You busy?

- Yes!

- Yes?

Honey, relax please.

- Yes honey, relax.

- I'm relaxed.

Well, then unclench your fists.

Big deal. Big deal.

- I love you so much.

- Is he good?

Yes.

Yes.

I mean, you know, is he better

than me?

- Yes.

- Yes.

I find it hard to believe.

Am I disturbing you?

- Yes.

- Yes.

I'll just shut off the lights then?

- Oh God! Let me do it!

Okay. Can I watch?

What?

Oh, no honey. I wasn't

talking to yo...

I was just jabbering away

in ectasy.

"Jabbering away

in ectasy." That's good.

Kay, I love you so much.

You know, I never liked the little

things here.

- I love every part of you.

- These ugly little blue things.

I love your shoulders.

- Where the hell did we get these?

- And your breasts.

They're my Aunt Edna's.

- What?

- What?

- What did you say?

- Nothing.

I was jabbering away again.

- Yeah? In ecstasy.

In ecstasy. Right.

That's what you say when you're in

ecstasy? "They're my Aunt Edna's."

Well, how do I know what a woman

says at a time like that, or this?

Well, personally, I can't wait to

hear what you have to say...

...when you reach the climactic

moment.

- Rupert! Just make love to me.

- I'm trying.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

- What are you doing?

- Checking for signs of life.

- I love it.

- Wait. Yes. Yes I see.

Dilation of the pupil. You're

alive. She's alive doctor.

Rupert! Get your finger out of

my eye!

Well, I finally got some kind

of response.

Rupert, listen to me.

There's something I've got to tell

and I want you to listen carefully.

Yeah, I want to hear this, darling.

Just a minute. Move over.

Oh my God.

Rupert, someone's watching us.

- There is? Where, where?

You can't see him.

- Oh, I get it.

- You do?

Sure. There's someone just behind

the armoire there. You see him?

That's not what I meant.

- Behind the chair, Kay.

- Rupert listen to me.

- He's got binoculars.

Rupert! That's not what I meant

when I said someone was watching.

- What the hell did you mean, Kay?

- Tell him sweetheart, tell him.

I have to something to tell you,

and it's...

...gonna change our

entire relationship.

Oh, God.

- Are you listening?

- I'm listening.

There's a ghost in this house.

There's a ghost right here in this

room with us now.

Are you having your period?

No, I'm not having my period.

Women don't go around seeing

ghosts when they have their period.

Do you believe that he has said

this to me?

God, that's exactly what I would

expect a man to say.

I'm a man, Kay!

Well, you don't have to go around

thinking like one, do you?

I can't believe it!

I'm trying as har as I can! He's

not even trying to listen to me.

I know. Just wait darling. Just

try the rational approach.

I mean, he is a scientist,

isn't he? He's a scientist.

Okay, all right. All right.

Rupert I know what you're thinking.

But please try to listen to me.

- I'm listening, Kay.

- All right.

I've been seeing for the past

few days...

...is not a...

...figment of my imagination.

It's not just a memory or a

illusion.

It's a real and substantial

manifestation of a person...

...who is no longer living.

Bravo! That's great! That's

fantastic, darling!

That's good.

- Thanks.

- I thought it's very good.

- Rupert, what are you doing?

I just told you I was in

contact with a ghost.

- Yes, you did.

- A ghost that I know.

Yes.

A ghost that is right here in

this room with us now.

Don't just stand there

and agree with me!

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