Kiss Me Kate Page #2

till you met this Hamlet.

Mr. Graham is a gentleman and

a scholar. He's merely culturing me.

- He's helping to further our careers.

- Whose? Yours or mine?

- Both!

- Oh, Lois, dear?

- Yes, sweetie?

- Has that hoofer showed up yet?

No, he hasn't, sweetie.

When he gets in,

tell him I want to see him.

Yes, I certainly will, sweetie.

Bill?

Bill Calhoun?

Where are you?

- Oh, Bill.

- I'm sorry, honey.

- Honest.

- Yeah. If you only meant it.

Calling me a louse!

And on-stage!

Sorry.

I should have waited.

You louse!

It's customary

for a gentleman to knock.

I'm not a gentleman.

I'm a louse. Remember?

Stop that infernal squeaking.

You know it gets on my nerves.

What do you want me to do?

Bite them off?

- Who is it?

- Suzanne. I've got your dinner tray.

- Take it away.

- What do you mean, take it away?

You can't eat before a performance.

It gives you indigestion.

It's my stomach, thank you.

Bring it in, Suzanne!

You'll not burp during

my love scenes. Take it away.

Suzanne, don't you dare.

- Let's make up our mind, shall we?

- It's made up.

Out!

Well, pick it up.

It's probably that cowboy.

He is not a cowboy.

He's a cattle baron.

Cattle baron? What's his crest?

A hamburger smothered with onions?

Hello? Oh, hello, Tex, darling.

I was expecting you at the theater.

Oh, you're still at the stockyards.

- What are they getting for New York cuts?

- How dare you!

Tex, darling, I apologize. This...

$ 1.30 a pound?

Oh, but I wanted you to come

to the theater tonight, darling.

Oh, the steer are restless.

Yes, love. I'm blowing you two kisses.

Bye, darling.

All right. I give up. What is it?

Headlight of a locomotive?

It's my engagement ring.

- Well, I hope you'll be very happy.

- Thank you.

Do you know what day this is, Fred?

Our anniversary.

- What anniversary?

- The first anniversary of our divorce.

And I have a little remembrance for you.

Well, it's just what I wanted.

A cork.

From our first bottle of champagne.

Our wedding breakfast?

In my apartment.

You mean that one room of yours

over the Armenian bakery?

You should complain,

you didn't even have a room.

Why do you think I married you?

That was the season we played

the Barter Theatre in Virginia...

...and they gave you a ham.

Well, we lived on it all winter.

And I got a job reading tea leaves

at the Automat. Remember?

And I demonstrated shaving soap

at the five-and-dime.

That's how I spent my honeymoon...

...at the five-and-dime,

watching you shave.

Were we married then?

Yes. Mother was staying with us.

How could I forget?

It was right after we closed in that...

...Viennese operetta, laid in Switzerland,

only the costumes were Dutch.

Oh, sure! Now I remember.

I was understudying the lead.

No, dear. We were both in the chorus.

You know, there was a waltz

in that show. Something about...

Something about a bar...

Yeah!

You are ravishing tonight.

You've made me the happiest of men.

Ah, your highness, you overwhelm me.

It was a good number, wasn't it?

I always liked it.

What happened to us, Fred?

I don't know.

Whose fault was it?

Well, it could have been your disposition.

It might have been your ego.

Fifteen minutes.

We'd... We'd better get dressed.

I don't like my face.

- Neither do I.

- Who are you?

- Hey, fine-looking fellow.

- Clean-cut.

- What are you doing backstage?

- What a figure! What a profile.

Gentlemen, I'm deeply touched

by your admiration, but...

- What diction!

- Very elocutionary.

And he does not spit when he talks.

This is all very flattering,

but I receive the public...

...after the performance, not before.

- What grace!

If I had to do something to him,

I'd cry like a baby.

Come back after the performance.

I'll be happy to present you

with my autograph then.

We already got your autograph.

That's why we're here.

Little matter of an IOU.

Here it is.

Two G's.

Mr. Hogan, that's our employer...

...he regards this as a debt of honor.

- Yeah.

- How's about it, Mr. Graham?

- You're crazy.

Here. Let me see that.

- Why, that's not even my signature.

- That's what they all say.

I'm surprised at you. You just signed this

this afternoon after a game over to the hotel.

We wasn't there. Of course,

we got Mr. Hogan's word for it.

You're really crazy. I've been in this

theater since 8 this morning.

- He forgot.

- Yeah. Well, that's human beings for you.

Once a man signs an IOU,

everything goes black.

- Yeah, the doctors call it magnesia.

- We cure it.

Gentlemen, would you mind leaving?

Jeez, ain't he virile?

And now we'd like to express our

best wishes for a magnificent opening...

...and success of the brilliant talent

that you so richly deserve.

- I copied that out of Western Union.

- Heartiest felicitations.

- I made that up myself.

- Mr. Graham, try and joster your memory.

Yeah. We'll be back, buddy.

Not now. How many times I gotta

tell you? I'll let you know when.

- They're bringing flowers.

- The funeral ain't till tomorrow.

All right. Come on, will you?

What's the matter with you?

- Yes?

- Good evening, Suzanne.

From the master.

Oh.

Darling.

Here are some flowers.

From him.

You see, Suzanne? He didn't forget.

Violets and roses. My wedding bouquet.

You need some food.

I better get back your dinner tray.

No, Suzanne. I've made up my mind.

I won't touch a thing.

If he wants me to go hungry,

I'll go hungry.

When you can eat, eat.

- Do you think it's creeping back?

- No, sir. We're keeping it at bay, sir.

Thank you.

- Did you deliver the flowers?

- Yes, sir.

- Did you put the note in?

- Oh, yes, sir.

Good. You took them upstairs

to Miss Lane personally, of course?

Upstairs, sir? I thought they were for...

Miss Vanessi?

Oh, you driveling idiot!

- Do you know what you've done?

- Yes, sir. I've loused you up, sir.

- Don't use that word.

- Yes, sir. No, sir. Quite, sir.

- Oh, Fred.

- Now, now, now, Lilli.

- I can explain everything.

- So thoughtful, darling.

- You mean, you didn't read the card?

- Card? Was there a card? I didn't see one.

Now, Lilli, you know I'm allergic

to roses. Give me hay...

On-stage and good luck.

- Okay. Let's go.

- Oh, Fred.

- I can't. I just can't.

- Oh, no!

My cheeks are burning

and my hands are freezing...

...and my tummy...

- You ate! Lilli, you had something to eat!

- No, I didn't. Really...

- You're not gonna whoops?

- Yes, I...

- No, no. You can't. I won't let you.

Oh, Mademoiselle Lilli, I found the card

that came with the flowers.

- Thank you, Suzanne.

- No, no. There isn't time.

Look, I'll tell you what I wrote:

"To Lilli, the only woman I've ever loved...

...the only artist I've ever worshiped."

Now, let me have the card, and let's go.

- Did you really mean that, Fred?

- With all my heart.

Then that's where it's going.

Right next to mine.

I'm not nervous now

and I'm not going to whoops.

And I'll never call you a louse

in public again. Never.

You will, my sweet.

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