Knife Fight Page #5

in the highest honor

in team sports:

Winning the World Series.

And after that amazing season,

I came home to serve

in our state senate,

where I stood up

for small businesses,

cutting your taxes

and cracking down

on bloated pensions

for overpaid

and underworked bureaucrats.

But the greatest honor

I could ever have

is going to bat

for all of Kentucky

as your governor.

I'm Justin Perkins,

and I approve this message.

Oy.

Yeah, right?

Now, I don't have

an FBI badge,

but I know blackmail

when I see it.

As I'm sure

you can understand,

we see it rather differently.

My client has suffered

enormous emotional damage.

Imagine you're hired

to do a job,

you do it exceptionally well

for six years,

then suddenly,

out of the blue,

you're hit on

by a United States senator?

Senator Green has

a completely different

recollection of these events,

and with all due respect,

if it comes down to his word

against your client's,

I think we both know who wins.

You're a bit overconfident.

Do you have any idea

what faces your boss

if he doesn't settle this case?

A legal colonoscopy

without anesthesia.

Okay, I want to know

what you want.

Finally.

What I want is a check...

Sweetheart, please.

Let me handle this.

What Miss Shearson wants

is three things:

$3 million.

- What your client wants...

- Wasn't it $2 million?

It was $2 million

until your boss

accused my client of extortion,

a million-dollar costly mistake.

Look, even if we were

to pay that outrageous amount,

what guarantee do we have

that we still wouldn't

hear this story

from Peaches O'Dell

or any of your other

media buddies?

Paul, I keep my promises.

How do you think I built

this law firm?

Okay.

All right.

This is what I'm prepared

to offer you.

And I really want you

to think about it,

because this is as high

as it will ever get.

Zero.

That's my offer.

Well, I guess we're gonna

be hearing a lot more

about a particular senator.

Now, Paul,

I want you to understand,

this is not a threat.

- It's just...

- You don't have much to go on.

On our side:

A sterling-silver reputation.

Your side:

Multiple prostitution arrests.

Maybe.

But we have something

that you don't have.

We have a lab report

from a forensic lab

in Mountain View.

It shows Tawny's shirt.

You want to guess what's on it?

I don't think I want to.

DNA:

in a stain,

perfect match to your senator.

It seems as if your guy

is being screwed again.

Mr. Green, in the bedroom,

with his happy little gun.

Why did he do it?

[Sighs]

Look, politicians

are politicians

because they have completely

interrelated strengths

and frailties.

They can be incredibly committed

to truly changing the world

and also be wildly

self-destructive.

I'll take the first

and pass on the second.

It's not so easy

in the real world.

The qualities that make

a star politician...

the need for the spotlight,

the quest for power,

the ability to use people

and then discard them

when you're through with them...

is the exact same skill set

that enables an FDR

to create the New Deal,

saving the country

and having multiple affairs.

Or Eisenhower,

liberate a continent

and be carrying on an affair

with his aide the whole time.

Or President Clinton

presiding over

an unprecedented period

of peace and prosperity

and then banging

Monica Lewinsky.

To all our detriment.

But is this something

that we got to have

or something

we've just bought into?

You don't get

the outsized talent

without the outsized weakness.

And look, this isn't

a video game or a TV show.

This is the real thing.

People in power

truly impact our lives.

You know, do they screw up?

Are they perfect?

Look.

Stephen Green

could be president, right?

And he would be a great one.

Because of some

blackmailing hooker,

are we gonna throw away

all of the good that he's done,

all of the good

that he's gonna do?

Yeah, but still.

When it gets like this,

you just got to get

revved and ready

and say, "WWMD?"

What would Machiavelli do?

[Horses neighing]

This better work, man.

Look at it this way.

If it doesn't,

I've got you back on the road

to get in shape.

I'd rather be riding

down that road on my Harley.

- A lot more fun.

- What?

What, what?

You're looking

at the new me, sweetheart.

Really?

Don't sound so skeptical.

I used to be

in pretty good shape.

Hey, I still am

in reasonable shape, sort of.

Oh, come on.

What'd you bring 'em for?

Hey!

Tony Blanchard.

So nice to meet you, sir.

God.

The pleasure is all mine.

Tony Blanchard.

I used to watch you

all the time,

just in awe of your talent.

- Amazing.

- Thank you. Thank you.

I appreciate it, sir.

Thank you.

Thanks for coming.

Hey, I hear you're gonna be

the next mayor of San Diego.

Oh, trying.

Hoping.

Where did you think

I heard it from?

[All laugh]

- Governor!

- Tony, Tony, over here!

- Just one question!

- Just a few questions.

Governor, do you have

any comments on Justin Perkins

releasing his medical records

later today?

Just that it's long overdue.

We both...

We both owe it to the voters

to be completely up front

and open.

As you know, I released

my records over two weeks ago.

But I think if you want

to occupy this fine house, well,

the voters have a right

to know the state

of their governor's health.

Is having Tony Blanchard

with you today

related to the release?

Absolutely not.

This is one

of the finest athletes

this country has ever produced,

and when Tony offered to take

time out of his busy schedule

to come here,

I jumped at the chance.

Not every day you get whupped

by an all-pro.

[Reporters all speaking at once]

Tony, what do you think

of the governor

as a jogging partner?

I think...

and let me stress "think"...

that I could beat

your governor today.

But if I'm in

as half as good a shape

as Governor Becker is

when I hit his age,

I'll be one happy guy.

"His age."

Don't believe it.

Get off. Go. Go.

Go long.

You want to join us?

Not in these heels,

but have a good run, Governor.

[Reporters all speaking at once]

Okay, here we go.

Man, you are fast!

Not as fast as you and Tony.

Cheers to that.

For state senator

and gubernatorial candidate

Justin Perkins,

it was a major day indeed.

Perkins finally released

his medical records

this morning,

and as we've been reporting,

they showed

an irregular heartbeat.

All over the capital

and, in fact, the state,

this has been topic number one.

And earlier the Perkins campaign

made every effort

to diminish the damage,

including having

his personal physician

speak to reporters here

at Mercy Hospital.

Thank you.

Welcome to Mercy Hospital.

I'm Dr. Ryan Johnson.

I'm Senator Perkins'

cardiologist

and his attending physician.

Senator Perkins

has arrhythmia,

a condition commonly known

as an irregular heartbeat,

a condition shared

by millions of Americans.

He is a former

professional athlete,

as everybody in Kentucky knows.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote