Knock Knock Page #2

- His name's Evan.

Evan?

458 Canter.

Wow. We're like, far.

It was Kantner, not Canter.

The cab must've

misunderstood us.

I told you that he was

going the wrong way.

That guy barely spoke English.

I mean, his English

was worse than mine.

This is so retarded.

Don't worry about it.

I'll call an Uber.

No. No, no, no.

We can find a cab outside.

It's no problem.

Not around here, you won't.

Trust me,

it's the only reliable way.

You sure?

I feel like such an idiot.

We don't want to ruin

your night.

No really. It's fine.

It's looking for a driver.

And it'll be here in...

45 minutes.

That long?

The rain.

We're lucky we even got one.

What?

Um, I know this is gonna

sound weird,

but could we maybe throw our clothes in

your dryer just for, like, 10 minutes?

We really don't want to go

to a party soaking wet.

No.

Please?

Sure, sure. Um...

We have some extra robes.

I'll, uh, go get them.

- Thank you.

- Yay.

This is literally

saving our lives.

Yeah, we could get sick and die.

You have your phone?

Uh yeah, why?

I can try and fix it.

Really? Oh.

My kid dropped mine in the tub,

and you won't believe this,

but if you put it in rice

it kinda dries it out.

- That would be awesome.

- Rice?

Oh, my God,

you're like a MythBuster.

Thank you so much, Evan.

You're welcome...

- Genesis.

- Genesis.

Yeah, like

the beginning of time.

In the beginning.

Sorry.

Yup, that was...

You're sick of that.

Thanks.

I'll, uh...

I'll go get you some.

Hey, Evan?

Where should we put these?

Oh, I'll take them.

No, we can do it.

We don't mind.

I got it.

I made you some tea.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, that's nice.

- So sweet.

- I'll trade you.

Uh, okay.

Gracias.

Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, sorry.

We were trying to warm up.

Yeah, I mean, we've

never seen one of these before.

- A real one.

- It's okay.

Just be careful. It's old.

I see you've met Monkey.

Yeah, this is Monkey.

It's time for Monkey

to go to bed.

- Bye, Monkey.

- Night-night, Monkey.

- Night-night.

- Sweet dreams.

Bye, Monkey.

All right, Monkey.

Go home, Monkey.

You have so many records.

Sorry. We had to try one.

Stop apologizing, it's okay.

I love this album.

You have good taste.

This is like...

An insane collection.

- Yeah.

- It must be worth a fortune.

Well, everything's

online now, so...

But, uh, I love

the sound of vinyl.

You're really into music.

Well, it used to be my job.

What? Like a record salesman?

I was a DJ.

Oh, my God. That's so cool!

You're like Major Lazer!

It's really a hobby now,

I haven't had a real gig in years.

Wait, how old are you?

I'm 43.

- No f***ing way.

- I can't believe you're 43.

I thought you were, like,

28 or 30 at the most.

Well, I got married

when I was 30.

Where's your wife?

She's at the beach with my kids.

We were gonna spend

Father's Day there, but, uh, work happened.

Oh, my God, you are all

alone on Father's Day.

Poor Evan, we'll keep

you company!

Hugs!

No, it's fine.

We celebrated this morning.

Whoa, you're not 43.

You must work out,

like, every day.

Yeah, I keep in shape.

Not like when I was

in my 20s, but, uh...

Come on, any guy that ripped

is more into his own ass

than yours.

Yeah, I mean, like, seriously,

is that all you do?

Oh, my God,

I remember

I f***ed this model once,

and while we were having sex

I caught him doing

crunches in the mirror.

It was the gayest thing ever.

I'd take somebody that's older and more

experienced over an Abercrombie model any day.

Yeah.

Well, hopefully one day

you'll find both.

I don't know.

Underwear models are the kind of guys

you f*** when you're 14.

That's a statement.

- This is your wife?

- Yup.

I want to see it.

Wow! She's so pretty.

She's beautiful.

You're a lucky guy.

Yeah, I certainly am.

I'm just an architect, but, uh,

she's the real deal.

Most of what you see is hers.

- She made all these?

- Yeah.

Wow.

They're so pretty.

I love these colors.

Red's my favorite.

This is amazing.

I actually studied art history.

I'm no expert, I was only

there for a semester, but,

this...

This is like a Gaudi building,

but small.

Yeah, my wife loves Gaudi.

She was, uh,

she was born in Barcelona.

Like me?

English, English.

You guys sound too sexy.

That's about the extent

of my Spanish anyway.

My kids speak it perfectly.

Your wife's an amazing artist.

Why are these sculptures here?

They should be in like, MOMA.

Actually, um...

It's not exactly MOMA...

But she's having a big

gallery show in LA.

Karen Alvarado.

That's such a pretty name.

An architect and an artist.

You guys

are like the perfect couple.

And she's so hot.

You must have sex,

like, all day.

- Bel!

- What?

I would.

She sees a hot girl

and chases after her.

Well, it's okay.

I have no complaints.

Sorry, I was just being honest.

No, no. It's fine.

Um, but, uh...

I must say

I'm not used to girls just

being so open about that.

About what?

Sex?

No, I mean... Yes.

- Yeah.

- Yes.

It's just sex.

Right.

Now you seem old.

Sorry. So sorry.

Twenty minutes away.

How long have you

and your wife been together?

I was 29 and she was 20.

It's been awhile.

So you haven't been

with anyone else in all those years?

Fourteen years, nope.

Wow.

How is that even possible?

Well, when you love someone...

Come on, Evan.

Humans are the only species

that practice monogamy.

I mean, we're animals.

We're more animals than animals.

It's in our DNA.

Like, being with one person

your whole life,

is going against

your own nature.

Look.

It's like this.

I understand men.

I know whenever I get married,

my husband is gonna want to be

with other girls.

So, I want to get comfortable

with having threesomes now,

because I know that's the only way

he'll never cheat on me.

Wow.

So, are you guys...

What do you guys do?

I mean, are you...

Are you in school or something?

I mean...

Actually, we're flight attendants.

Really?

What would you like

for your entree, sir?

We have chicken...

And pasta.

Please buckle your seatbelt, sir.

We may be encountering

some turbulence.

So...

Where you guys based out of?

Everywhere.

Last weekend we were in

New Zealand for 24 hours.

It was awesome.

Wow, how was that jet lag?

We don't sleep.

It's like being

a fake rock star.

You know, you fly

around the world first class,

drinks are on the house

and they pay you for it.

I'm jealous.

I once got offered a tour

when I was a DJ.

Not like you guys, but, uh,

Tri-State area.

Yeah, well, I think traveling

is the best way to get life experience.

Especially when you're

only there for 24 hours.

You really make the most of it.

Yeah, we make the most of it.

Unlike that f***ing

starfish we work with. Ugh.

Ugh, starfish.

- Starfish?

- This girl we work with...

She doesn't have to do

anything in bed,

she just lies there

like a f***ing starfish.

Hence, starfish.

I mean, who'd want to f*** that?

I don't understand girls like that.

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