Knucklehead

I'm sorry.

Todd, you realize you can't win

a Tony AWard for this performance.

You're just jealous that I got Dorothy.

Is it that obvious?

Who do you think all those parents

want in their family portrait...

...the next American idol

or a fat schlub like you?

You're right, Todd. If only my voice

was three octaves higher...

...I looked as good as you in a dress,

maybe, just maybe I'll get adopted.

Listen. You better bring your A-game

tonight...

...because I am not going down in flames

because of you.

Places. Get in front of curtain, please.

So are you excited?

I can barely contain myself.

Oh, come on, Henry.

There's a lot of great families

out there tonight.

You know, it wouldn't hurt you

to try just little bit harder.

Crawling around

on my hands and knees...

...and barking like a dog

isn't trying hard enough?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I am Sister Francesca.

I'd like to welcome you all,

on behalf of everyone...

...to the St. Thomas school for boys.

So without further ado, we'd like to present

to you The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I just remembered.

There's been a slight change

from your programs...

...due to a near paralyzing,

vomit-inducing case of stage fright...

...so the role

of the Good Witch of the North...

...is now being played by Walter Krunk.

Please, just...

...bear with us.

On with the show.

Oh, dear, Toto, where are we?

Oh, dear me, Toto,

what have we done?

She killed the witch.

The wicked old witch.

I most certainly did not. Tell them, Toto.

Tell them again, Toto,

like you mean it this time.

Look, up in the sky, it's-- It's--

A giant cloud?

It's a blimp?

No. It's the Good Witch of the North.

Over here, Good Witch of the North.

Over here.

Under the house.

Hello.

-You okay?

-This thing's cutting off the circulation.

Get out of the way.

Todd, watch out.

That's it. The eye of the tiger, baby,

eye of the tiger. Yeah?

Now hands up. Hands up, that's it.

Protect the face.

I don't know how you did it,

but you found a killer.

I camped outside the state pen for weeks

till this gem appeared.

-Yeah? What was he in for?

-Parking tickets.

Lots of parking tickets, all right?

Look, the pro-am championship's around

the corner and no one can touch him.

Once I score that 100 grand...

...I will finally be able to stop hustling

in dumps like this.

Oh, yeah?

Well, son, do not bite the hand that feeds.

Sorry, Pop.

Yeah, it's a great gym. Sorry.

All right, hands up.

Well, that's a mighty impressive

bare-knuckle beast you got there, Eddie.

Don't worry about Earl, all right?

He's just feeling a little insecure

now that he's had a good look at you.

Well, actually, Eddie,

I feel more concerned for you.

Now, look, you're already into me

for 25 grand, right?

Do you really think double or nothing

is a wise move?

My guy's a lock, Earl.

Yeah. In fact, I think you' re afraid

that my bare-knuckle beast...

...is gonna destroy your guy today and

at the championships in New Orleans.

You know, you're absolutely right.

Look at me, I'm scared to death.

I'm shaking

in my very expensive shoes.

Redrum.

All right, don't look at him.

Okay, so he's got a little height

and weight advantage on you.

That's okay. That's okay.

Just use your speed.

Stay outside on him, all right?

Watch him. If he gets you in a clinch,

bring your knees up into his rib cage.

All right, Pop.

I don't understand

how you could be upset with Walter.

I mean, especially with all that he does

around here.

I mean, his chores alone

equals six handymen.

And he stepped up and played

the Good Witch when nobody else would.

Yes, and that went so well, didn't it?

It's not so much that he ruined

the show yesterday, it's....

It's just that....

Well, Walter is--

He's a good role model for the boys,

Sister.

A good role model?

Mary, he is a 35-year-old man...

...who has never experienced life

outside of this orphanage.

Sometimes I think allowing him to stay

here all these years was a big mistake.

I should have forced him out

into the real world...

...and made him make it on his own.

I don't have the money exactly right now,

Earl, okay? So....

The championship's in New Prleans--

-You got till I get back from New Prleans.

-I appreciate it.

If you don't have it, I'm gonna give you

a little taste of what's in store for you.

Redrum.

Redrum?

-You want me to hit him?

-That would be effective at this moment.

But when you think about it, Earl, if the

ultimate goal is to get your money back...

-...hitting him would hinder your chances.

-He makes a valid point.

-This is a very valid point.

-Hey, hey, hey.

This isn't open to discussion.

Hit the guy.

Thank you.

Clock is ticking, Eddie boy.

Eddie...

...you're my son

and I don't wanna see you hurt.

I believe we passed that point, Pop.

Yeah, so I'm gonna give you some advice

that I have never given anybody.

But in light of the current situation,

I see no other alternative.

I'm all ears.

Pray.

I just don't wanna get stuck here.

What do you mean? It's not so bad.

I mean, look at me. I never got adopted.

Turned out okay.

No offense, Walter, but that's kind of

what I'm talking about here.

You got a lot better off than I did

when I was your age, bud.

You try being 6'7", 290 pounds at 13.

It's not exactly cuddling material,

you know?

Yeah, I guess.

I just want a chance

to be part of a family.

You are part of a family, think about it.

Oh, my God, Walter.

Okay, do me a favor, would you?

Keep an eye on this.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

-Light a match.

-See you when I get back.

Oh, Walter.

-What--?

-This is the line?

Oh, wait, you--

-I just--

-Oh, good morning.

-Do you smell something?

-Yeah, your--

No, something else.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

-Henry!

-Hold on, I'm in the zone.

Henry!

Oh, no.

-Fire!

-What? Fire?

Oh, Henry, quick.

Okay. Did anything happen?

That's grease!

Oh, my God. Quick.

See, we just didn't have enough money

to pay all our bills this month...

...so, you know, our property insurance

was one of those...

...and, you know, it's just--

It was one of those things.

-lt was a gamble.

-Do you think?

Okay, just let us know

when we have to have this thing done.

Yesterday, because

I'm shutting you down today.

-What?

-You-- There are at 30 city ordinances...

...which make it illegal to operate a

children's home without a working kitchen.

We don't need a kitchen. I mean,

you know? We could order takeout.

-The kids would love that, right?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Look, I'm sorry.

There's really nothing I can do.

If you have a problem with this,

you can take it up with my boss.

You know who my boss is, don't you?

I don't think you wanna mess with him.

Excuse me, Mum.

I understand you have a job to do...

...but this has been the first

and only real home I've ever had in my life.

Please, sir,

just give us one more chance.

Okay.

I'm gonna give you 10 days

to start reconstruction.

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