Krystal Page #2

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the face of the world's marauding armies

of tragedy and darkness.

I think some young southern boy has

been reading too much Faulkner.

If it's not one thing,

it's another.

There are dust devils

everywhere.

And our Kingfisher is somewhere

between here and New York.

Well, we'll muddle

through somehow.

- Vera, when you were a girl...

- Oh, dear.

...what singers

did you listen to?

The same ones

I listen to now:

Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett,

Miss Joni Mitchell.

And when they sang

love songs,

did you ever get the feeling that

they were singing about something

that you knew

absolutely nothing about?

Of course.

Did you ever find out?

Of course, and so will you.

All in good time?

You're young.

Have faith, sweetness.

Well, I'm late.

Right. It's Tuesday morning.

Yes, my little group.

Vera, you wanna know

what I imagine?

Imaginings of an 18-year-old?

Darling, I'm not sure I do.

- [bell jingles]

- [people chattering]

[bell jingles]

Well, hello, dear.

Hi. My name's Taryn,

and I'm an alcoholic.

[all] Hi, Taryn.

Is this your first meeting?

Yes.

I mean, I think

I may have made a mistake.

Honey child,

if you're here,

it's no mistake.

...and the wisdom

to know the difference.

Welcome. First, I'd like to thank Susan

for bringing the coffee and snacks today.

And do we have

any first-timers this morning?

Bravely into the breach.

I don't think...

Yes, you in the back.

Hi. My name is Taylor...

[Taylor] Oh, f***.

...and I'm an alcoholic.

- [all] Hi, Taylor.

- Welcome, Taylor. And...

[all] Keep coming back.

All right, so we don't have

any birthdays today.

And those of you that got your chips

this week, got them Tuesday night.

Congratulations.

So, I guess it's time

to introduce

our speaker

for this morning.

Krystal.

Hi. My name is Krystal.

[all] Hi, Krystal.

And I'm an alcoholic

and an addict.

Okay. [clears throat]

I did the stripper thing,

I did the hooker thing,

I did the heroin thing,

because something inside of me

couldn't stand

the light of day.

Everybody all normal,

in shorts,

throwing Frisbees,

suckers.

Why didn't they know

what I knew?

Sunlight is bullshit,

darkness is king.

And drugs and booze

were like the rain.

But after the rain,

I was left bone dry,

and praying for the stranger

lying next to me

to have the decency

to go away

before I open my eyes.

Since I got clean,

my eyes are open

all the time.

And the light

is the truth

that God is love.

[voice wavering] And the rain

that washes me clean

is the love that pours

down on me in this room.

[applause]

Hi.

Hello. Remember me?

Yeah, you're that kid

with the f***ed-up ticker.

- Yeah, and you're...

- Late.

- [heart beating]

- I liked your speech.

- My speech?

- Yeah.

Man, I'm not exactly running

for class president.

Right, well,

I liked your whatever.

So, I was wondering if I could

buy you a cup of coffee.

No.

[heart beating faster]

- It's happening again, isn't it?

- What?

- The heart thing, it's happening again?

- No. Absolutely not.

Look, man, I am not taking you

to the hospital again.

That was a one-time shot.

F***ing needles

and tweaked out interns.

You're not dying, are you?

No. No, I'm not dying.

Then, if I were you, I'd

consider this a pretty good day.

[heart beats more slowly]

I'm so proud of you.

Do you have a sponsor?

Only when we were young, our

toes wiggling in evening dew...

[Taylor] Whenever my mother

writes a new poem,

we have a family

get together to celebrate.

Streetlights were old friends

and their breath of each side.

No regretting, no regretting.

The stars were lanterns,

hung just for us.

While once in a blue,

blue moon

who wept as we slept

and awoke too soon, too soon.

[Taylor]

I have an announcement.

I'm in love.

You? Get the f***

out of here.

- Honest to God, Campbell.

- I met her at AA.

- When did you start going to AA?

- You don't even drink.

Well, no, I'm not

really an alcoholic.

I just went to a meeting, by

accident, because Krystal was there.

- Krystal?

- Sounds like some kind of stripper.

Well, she is. Was.

Now, can I have a drink?

Where's this Krystal from?

- Who cares. I love her.

- No, you don't.

How the hell do you know?

Can I have that drink now?

No, your heart and all, no.

My heart is fine.

My heart is in love.

I don't like this.

I don't like this one bit.

Love is... I don't know.

- What is love, Wyatt, dear?

- Dangerous.

But exactly, very dangerous.

Good. I could use a little danger,

with a Jack Daniel's chaser.

You can tell a good bit about

someone by where they're from.

- Did I ask you where she's from?

- You did.

And what did you say?

I didn't,

because I don't know.

Now can I have one of those?

Give Romeo a shot.

No. No.

She thinks I'm a drunk. How can I be

a drunk if I've never had a drink?

It's one drink, big deal.

What could happen?

[Taylor] Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah! Whoo!

Faster! Faster!

Where is she?

[Campbell] Tay-Tay, you're not

gonna find her out there.

- Well, well, not with that attitude.

- Uh-huh.

You don't understand, man.

I'm in love.

With a stripper junkie.

She's more than that.

Aren't we all?

Me, in love, instantly.

Madly.

Head over heals... ly.

Oh, Tay-Tay,

this is so sad, really.

You have a near-death heart

thing, you come out of it and,

bingo, enter Slutina,

Queen of the South.

Now you're in love?

You just don't understand.

What the f***'s going on

with this red SUV?

They've been following us

all night.

Hey, you know this guy?

Where are you?

[telephone ringing]

There.

[grunting]

Greenwood Gallery.

How may I...?

No!

Actually, I feel like sh*t.

Okay, I accept that.

However, the marijuana

was your idea.

Opium?

You are f***ing-A, Tweety Bird

right I want some more,

and it's all your fault,

so goodbye and f*** you!

Oh. Hello.

I guess our f***ing-A Tweety

Bird has arrived from the Bronx.

Vera, I have something

to confess.

I'm sure you do.

I'm not really an alcoholic.

Well, God knows,

you don't smell like one.

I've decided

to become your sponsor.

You should be thrilled.

Now, listen carefully,

sweet, sweet boy. Step one:

...to admit that I am

powerless over alcohol

and that my life

has become unmanageable.

You don't have enough of a life

for it to be unmanageable.

And you're not an alcoholic.

This heroin hooker,

chicks like her don't fall

for guys like you.

What's wrong with me?

What's really wrong with you

is you're a good guy.

Chicks marry good guys. They fall

f***-happy in love with bad boys.

Oh, my God.

You're absolutely right.

She looks at me like

I'm a small jar of Miracle Whip

wearing Dockers

and penny loafers.

- [chuckles]

- What can I do?

Nothing. Your essential goodness

d*cks you completely.

I can be bad.

Go easy on that joint, rook.

F*** easy.

That's not bad.

All right.

[coughs]

Jesus. Okay, let's go.

No, thanks. I'm going to go

to Frenchy's for a frosty.

But you said that you would...

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