Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

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Ahh.

Master Pain,

what do we do?

Open the mouth.

The Chosen One !

Huh? What?

Baby--

Kill it !

We will all be cursed !

Hmm. Hmm?

Mm? Hmm !

Mm, lighter, mm-hmm.

So cute.

Bye-bye !

He's in the movie.

So is she.

He is too.

it's starting now.

The child had become a man.

Rolling to the bottom

of a gully,

he was raised

by various rodents.

Having no true home,

he wandered the wilderness...

in search of the one

who stole his life.

So on he walked...

and sometimes drove.

And occasionally,

partied with

the desert creatures.

Party ! Party ! Party !

Little did he know...

that before him lied

a mystical road...

of great warriors

and legends.

Your days are over, mister.

He lived under constant attack.

What they had not accomplished

when he was a child...

they sought to nowfinish.

Through his adversity,

he learned to fight...

The more he fought,

the more his powers grew.

- i mean, crap, man ! Look at that.

- Ohh--

- That's, like, his stomach plug

on the ground back there.

You don't see that every day.

i mean, that doesn't really even

seem possible if you think about it,

with body organs and cartilage

and bones and--

i mean, i'm no doctor,

but it was like one clean chunk.

Uh-oh. Trouble.

Open your mouth !

Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi !

Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi ! Uuh !

I need gopher-chuks.

Uh--

Uuh !

Our... sexual... preferences...

are... our... own...

business.

- Yeah.

- Oh, you.

Alfalfa.

- Hey, oh. Huh?

Hes an outsider.

Have you ever seen him before?

Mm-mm.

Well, twice.

Hey, whos he?

I dont know.

...and that day, I vowed

to find the man who killed my family.

Can you help me?

And why have you

come to me?

You are Master Tang.

Your skills are greatly known.

Ive traveled many years

and miles to find you.

How many miles?

Would you say ten million?

Eh--

No, I don"t think ten million.

Look, I need your help.

I live under constant attack.

Hmm. Your story

makes my heart heavy...

and my prostate weak.

My bladder is full

to bursting.

I feel for you

and your grave loss.

However, it will be impossible

for us to help you.

Master, I implore you

to reconsider.

Hmm. Okay !

The man you seek,

his name is Master Pain.

He has great powers and is

well protected by the Evil Council.

But now I am in a quandary.

For if your story is true,

then you would--

Huh?

What are the odds of that?

You would be

the Chosen One.

- Master !

Ah, again with

the squeaky shoes.

Master, I was hoping one day

I could be the Chosen One.

- Be quiet !

- Master !

I dont like him very much.

Lets kill him.

- Sit down !

- Eeyah !

i must apologize for Wimp Lo.

He is an idiot.

We have purposely trained him wrong,

as a joke.

Hah !

If youve got an ass, Ill kick it.

- Hmm.

- Legend tells us...

that the true Chosen One...

will bear the mark

of infinite wisdom.

Yea, yea !

What in Gods name

is that thing?

He seems to be the reason

Im pursued.

There are so many things

Ive yet to understand.

- Does it have a name?

- Tonguey.

I should not have asked.

Still, this is

a glorious day,

for the Chosen One has come

to free us from the Evil Council.

I remember

a long time ago...

when a good friend of mine

told me...

there would be

a Chosen One.

There will be

a Chosen One.

Then he told me...

of the significance.

It will be significant.

And then he killed the dog.

I now officially know too much.

And why are you in bed?

Oh, you wont even believe

what happened next.

- No, please !

- Very well, Chosen One.

i invite you

to train with us...

until you find the whereabouts

of Master Pain.

- Ill do it !

- In your dreams !

- Ohh--

Yes, yes.

Yes, play me like a drum.

By the way, my student Ling,

here, will assist you.

Be not concerned of her shyness,

for it will pass.

There you go.

I will stay...

eh, to train.

Thank you, Master Tang.

Now, you two,

on with your training.

- Yes. Sure.

- As you know,

I am a man

of special needs.

You will now receive

the Fist of Fury.

Prepare the long rubber glove.

- Eeny, meeny,

miney, moe,

i wonder where

my glove will go.

- Open your mouth !

- Open it !

You ! Open !

Hey, guys, whats goin" on?

Hey ! Ooh !

Master Pain, it is a great honor having

you beating random people in our town.

Especially that helpless man

you just hit. Welcome !

Hmm. My fiinger points.

Wimp Lo,

you must be careful.

Your confidence is disproportional

to your abilities.

You think losing

is winning.

Heh?

Uh, uh-- Huh?

Hmm. The Chosen One

is here to help us.

- I like him a lot, and--

- Listen ! Shh.

I see the way you look at him.

Im a man, too, you know.

- I go pee-pee standing up.

- Hmm. Mm.

- I will defeat him !

- Please, dont.

I will...

- defeat him !

- Whee !

- Whee !

The Chosen One trained,

for part of him knew

what lied ahead.

Wow ! Ill have some

of whatever hes smoking!

Huh !

Huh !

Huh !

The others soon

warmed up to him...

and his "friend. "

Mm ! Mm, mm !

Hmm.

Knock, Knock. Whos there?

Your butt thats

about to be kicked.

Take a close look,

cause I rule, baby !

And who do you rule?

The Large, Dark Nipple People?

I rock... and roll...

all day long, sweet Susie !

I challenge you !

Leap that wall

if youre so great.

Hmm !

- Big deal. Up and over ! Oi !

- Hmm !

- Huh !

Now well...

learn who"s the best.

Hmm !

- Huh? I-- Uh--

Aha ! F ace-to-foot style.

Howd you like it?

Im sure on some planet

your style is quite impressive.

But your weak link is,

this is Earth.

- Oh, yeah?

Try my nuts-to-your-fist style !

Oh ! Uuh !

Whos laughing now?

Please, stop ! Wimp Lo sucks

as a fighter ! A child could beat him !

- Im gonna count to three, and if

I hear one more friggin squeak,

- Im gonna take his shoes

and shove "em up his--

- Chosen One !

- Master Pains in town !

- Did you hear that?

Master Pain? Are you sure?

Gotcha now ! Guy-ee !

- Ay, ay ! Why? Why?

- No ! Please !

I am bleeding,

making me the victor.

Master Pains meeting with the mayor.

Oh, this is bad.

Eh, Master Pain...

will perform his skill.

Please.

Mm, hah !

- Towel. Mm, thanks.

Now, then, Master Pain

has heard rumor...

that the Chosen One

was spotted in town.

Do what he says,

or hell cut off your big toe.

On that you can trust me.

Let him hear it.

Oh, thats tender.

That is tender.

Thank you.

I have been called "bad" before.

Many have said

I do things...

that are not correct to do.

I dont believe in

such talk as this.

I am nice man with happy feelings

all of the time !

First, a joke.

What do you get when you cross

an owl with a bungee cord?

- My ass. Nyah, ha ha ! Ha ha !

- Enough !

- Hmph !

Gentlemen,

from this day forward...

you will all refer to me

by the name "Betty."

But isnt Betty

a womans name?

Easy, easy !

We dont want to lose

any more toes here.

Youll all have to excuse

Master Pain-- uh, Betty.

Its 12:
00

and time for his nap.

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