L!fe Happens Page #9

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so that will

give you enough time

to figure out

what you wanna do.

Uh...

Is this like about last night?

Because we were loud...

I know things have been

awkward between us...

It's not that.

You and I had this plan

to be fabulous and

conquer the world.

And I'm sorry that

I relied on you...

Kim, you don't

have to feel...

Please, just

let me finish.

I think that the really scary

part has been realizing that

maybe I don't need

to conquer the world.

Maybe I'm okay

with hanging out

with the lame moms

at Caf Chez Bb.

Maybe I'm more

than okay with it.

Maybe I like it.

So what are you gonna do?

Dvggy mall?

Yeah, I'm starting to

think that whole idea was

childish and unsanitary

and maybe even unsafe.

I honestly don't know.

Deena, I'm so happy for you and

your success, and I adore you.

I adore you.

But you have to focus on your

career now, and I need...

I need to focus

on being a mom.

And I just worry that

if I don't move out now...

That we might

not stay friends.

(SOBS)

So, it's a one bedroom,

one bath,

but there's a nice

little nook over here

that would be

great for a nursery.

Wanna see it?

We'll take it.

Do you wanna discuss it

with your husband?

Nope. It's just us.

All right, then.

Let me show you the backyard.

There's a sandbox and a swing set...

Did you hear that, buddy?

There's a sandbox!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

He's getting so heavy.

You're getting so heavy.

Is that your truck?

Max, can you say "truck"?

Truck?

That's a bunny.

(RATTLES)

Kisses. Kisses for you.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You sweet little thing,

you were just walking!

Oh, my God, you sweet little monkey!

I'm so proud of you!

Oh, my God! My baby.

(GASPING)

Henri! Henri, Henri!

It came! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! It came!

Baby, maybe we should

get a joint bank account.

Oh, man, I grew up

in a trailer.

They pay a lot of money

for self-help books.

It's not a self-help book, punk.

It's a sociological study.

Oh, it's a sociological

study. You're rich.

Oh, my gosh, that's hot.

You're so rich.

I love that.

I've never had sex

with a rich woman before.

Outside, anyway...

Never had sex... And sober.

Whoa, whoa!

Okay, just one finger.

(DEENA LAUGHS)

You eat it.

You eat it. I'm good.

I'm sorry for being late.

I'm so, so sorry.

How's the little dude?

How are you?

So, let me guess, you

didn't get your contract

and now you think you can just

waltz back into our lives?

No, that's not it.

I read this

rad book when I was on tour

called Pregnancy and Beyond.

Uh-huh.

Read the whole thing,

cover to cover.

It had gnarly stuff about smegma,

I almost stopped reading it.

Then I kept reading it,

and it started to talk about

how they start to develop these,

like, sick personalities.

And it made me wanna, like, not

miss out on all that good stuff.

And the truth is, I nearly lost

my abdomen in a shark attack.

There's nothing

like a brush with death

to make you realize what the

important things in life are.

And I wanna see my kid.

Okay?

I'm not gonna go

through this again, Marc.

I want another shot at being a dad.

Can you understand that?

I think I'd be a good dad.

(LAUGHING)

(SQUEALING)

Come here.

Come here, little buddy.

You gonna be a little

hell raiser, aren't you?

You gonna be a little hell raiser?

A little outlaw?

A little bandit?

He's a good boy.

(MAX BABBLING)

What's that?

Bad boy?

Bad!

MARC:
Okay.

(EXHALES)

Hey!

Hey!

How are you?

Good. Good.

How are you?

Good.

Where's Max?

Is he in college yet?

Actually, he's with Marc.

Really?

Yep.

He came crawling back, and now he

takes him whenever I go to work.

Wow.

Yeah.

I gotta tell you,

I miss seeing Max every day.

And you.

Yeah. Me too.

So...

My dad called me.

That's great, Deena.

I bet that feels really good.

Yeah.

What are we doing?

I miss you.

I miss you!

I've got so much to tell you.

Come in, come in.

What?

Oh, my God!

Dude, the place

looks outta sight!

It's Henri, man.

He's all over it.

(GASPS)

You bought

the massage chair!

I love that thing.

I wanna be buried with it.

This is awesome!

Whatever happened

to waiting at least

two years before

moving in with a guy?

Well, the rules are,

there are no rules.

When multiple orgasms

are involved. (MOCK GASPS)

Shut up! I thought

those were a myth!

So did I, dude.

So did I.

Well, I e-mailed Nicholas.

And?

And nothing.

I mean, I wasn't

expecting a response

after the crap

that I pulled, but...

I just wanted

to clear the air.

Good.

So, listen.

I got a huge advance

check for my book.

Wow, dude,

you are killing it!

And I want to

invest a portion of it.

Okay.

See, I've been

working on this project

that I want to piggyback

off the book release.

I need you to

partner with me, 50-50.

It feels great.

But I'm not surprised at all.

I knew I'd make it

past round four.

I was born to win this.

The golden crotch

remains intact!

Oh, my gosh! You guys, I can't be late.

We have to go.

Come on. Come on!

Hi, look at you!

Take your hand? Let's go. Let's go!

Come on. Baby, let's go.

It's so much fun.

I know.

Ready, one, two...

Ready?

Hey! We made it.

Hey.

Thanks for coming,

everybody.

Kim, front and center.

Patti, thanks for coming.

Jayde, get your

weights up. Great.

Here we go, guys.

We're gonna start with a lift and touch.

Lift and touch.

Get those arms tight.

Get those loose knees.

Henri, out of here!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Lift up and down.

There we go. Looking good.

Oh, my God!

We look like such tools.

I love it!

I know, I can't believe we're gonna

be on demand, dude, it's so good.

Who knew we'd be able to capitalize

on me getting knocked up?

HENRI:
Babe, you here?

Yep.

Nicholas and I

got burritos.

We're gonna shoot a little pool.

Is that cool?

Cool. Yep.

What? Nicholas is here?

Kim.

What am I gonna do?

I'm gonna hide.

Kim. I can't hide.

Max is here! Oh, my God!

Kim! Kim.

Oh, Jesus, how do I look?

You look beautiful.

It's gonna be okay.

Okay.

Hey. om

Hey.

Hi.

Henfi?

What?

Do you wanna go in

the other room and

feel me up?

Yeah, I do.

Okay.

Bye, Deena.

Don't feel her up.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

I got your e-mail...

Yeah.

And I don't think

that you are a...

"A flaming piece of sh*t," or

"A pox on the face of dignity."

You don't?

I understand why someone might

not tell someone something,

because they are afraid of

the way they might react.

All right. This is hard.

I-m

married.

Oh!

No, technically,

I'm separated.

She moved out

before you and I met.

Actually, I'm four days away

from being legally divorced.

But this year

was rough for me.

And I met you, and

you just made it better

and I didn't want to do anything

to screw that up. And...

I should have told you.

So, then,

we're both liars.

But, for the record,

you were first.

Well, that's

a great foundation

for a relationship,

don't you think?

Not that I'm suggesting that

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