L.A. Story Page #5

- Fine.

Full service or self service?

- Full, Tony.

And I knew

it was a great project.

If the city were willing

to partially finance

my private museum. It would be

a great bonus for the people.

And so...

I met with Ron.

Ron...

I toast you.

Are you alright?

I just feel a little dizzy.

I should get some air, I'm nauseous.

I'll take him out.

And Ron felt like I did.

What's the matter?

- I don't know.

Something in my stomach

or my head or my heart or...

Can I do anything?

I can't, this is how Mummy met Daddy.

Let your mind go

and your will follow.

And now let us all move forward

with great enthusiasm

to build the greatest

private museum in the world.

Are you feeling any better?

- Much better, thanks.

Yes, thanks.

We didn't know what to say

so we wandered down Melrose

and had the kind of small talk

necessary to cover what had happened.

The station wants to try serious news

with me as the anchor.

No laughing or chit-chatting.

So there I was

jabbering about my new job,

about anything at all.

But all I thought was:

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful...

Who wrote the "Tonight Show" theme?

Where will we stay?

Don't bounce. I came to tell you

that I can't go away with you.

I've been seeing someone, and it

wouldn't be good to go away with you.

I'm really sorry.

So, you're seeing her this weekend?

No, she's got this obligation

to her ex, to see if it can work.

She's seeing someone else?

- Yes.

She's going away with him.

Share how that makes you feel.

Share? Share? It drives me crazy!

I mean, especially since

I've been working out!

Look at the effort I put in!

But it's fair, since she had

this obligation before we even met.

But you had this obligation.

Why should you suffer all weekend?

No.

- Go away with me.

I can't. I would just be

using you to get even with her.

I don't mind.

- Let's go.

We should be there

in an hour and half.

I booked at the "El Pollo del Mar".

- Beautiful. Wave to Jack! Bye.

A million stars! And the beach...

I want to spin on the beach.

- They have a special beach for that.

And I don't think we should make love.

- Ok, we'll just have sex.

What was Sam Spade's partner's name?

- Archer.

We might meet people at the Ysidero,

I put us in the "El Pollo del Mar".

I'm really excited!

Me too.

Who knew Groucho's secret word?

Groucho's secret word...

I give up.

The Duck? - The Duck knew.

Say the word and divide 100 dollars.

When Wittgenstein's house was built,

language philosophy hit the Bauhaus.

I saw the house not long ago.

Who played "The Beav?"

- Jerry Mathers. - Yes!

"Oh wind, if winter comes, can spring

be far behind?" - Beautiful.

Who was Howdy Doody's closest friend?

- Buffalo Bob.

Fantastic! Do they have a pool?

- Yes! Do you have a pool?

I love this place!

This breeze is great!

It feels great!

- I love hotel sheets, and they feel

so good against your bare skin.

I'll put your bag in here.

Come here first.

Come here again.

Sandy, your breasts feel weird.

- Oh, that's cause they're real.

Let me get this shoe off. My God!

I should warn you,

I'm old and if I take a while...

My God, I'm young again!

It's been great to see you again.

- It's nice seeing you, too.

How are you?

Well, I'm confused.

Hey, listen to this.

- What? - Listen.

What on earth are they doing?

- Oh God, they're going crazy.

Jack told me he wants

to make our relationship exclusive.

He's not gonna go out anymore?

I don't think

he could ever get a date.

Seeing me go out drove him nuts.

What now?

I don't know. I really like him,

even though he's not so smart.

Listen.

- What?

Through the wall.

- What is it? - Somebody's doing it.

How beautiful. - They're really

excited. They must be cheating.

I don't believe it!

Are you staying here? - Yes.

There goes our cover. There are no

secrets anymore. - I think there is.

Roland, this is Sandy.

Sandy, this is Roland, this is Sara.

Where are you headed?

The restaurant.

- Us, too.

Why don't you join us?

- That would be neat. - No,

you guys should be alone. - Don't be

silly. We can't do that. Come on.

What's that clanging sound?

- It's my damn testicles.

Is it okay to spin here?

- Sure.

Shall I get your sweater?

I'm cold. - Yes, thanks.

I'll run and get it.

Harris, want to come with me?

- Sure.

Actually, I'll stay here.

Back in a flash!

You liar!

- I come here thinking

you're with your ex, and you're

really giving it to my best friend!

Your best friend? You've

never even seen him without me!

There's a bond among men!

Anyway, there's two liars here.

- Roland is my ex!

Okay, one.

- Hey, watch!

Great!

- Thank you!

You just broke up with someone?

How do you know that? - When men just

break up with someone, they always

run around with someone much younger.

- She'll be 27 in 4 years.

I'm with her but only think about you.

Is that why you f***ed her today?

Yes!

I know that doesn't make sense.

But you almost broke through our wall!

You know how that made me feel?

- You didn't even know it was me!

Yeah...

but I projected back when I found out.

Coming!

So close, we're this close to it!

Stay here in L.A.

What? How would it work?

We'd see each other,

take it easy at first and then...

marriage, kids, old age, and death.

What if I were to go?

All I know is, on the day your plane

was to leave, if I had the power,

I would turn the winds around,

roll in the fog,

I would bring in storms,

I would change the polarity of

the earth so compasses couldn't work,

so your plane couldn't take off.

This is everything I didn't want.

Pain... lying... complications.

I'm hot from running now.

Let's all walk down to the pier.

- Cool.

Do you ever wonder why the water

doesn't fly up into the sky?

Do you want this in the trunk

or up front? - That... up front.

What's the matter? You ok?

- Oh, sorry... I'm okay.

I've been working on Sara to come

back with me. I'm her ex-husband.

England and America are different.

The English keep civil relations

with their ex's.

The Americans sue them.

She told me today it's not right.

Really? - Evidently,

she's been seeing some American.

That can happen.

- She's not going with him either.

She's going back to London

as soon as she can.

Pity,

I so wanted this to work out.

I wanted a relationship, you know,

like you and Sandy have.

I've been thinking.

I can be a man worth staying for.

First, I can cry. Usually,

it's when I'm hurt, but it's a start.

I know there's something

that would make you stay!

The right word, attitude, plan...

but these are all tricks!

So let's forego that!

Let's assume that it happened,

that my hand went down

your throat,

grabbed your heart and squoze it!

There comes a time

when it's now or never!

It's now or never! Listen to a poem.

"Oh pointy birds, oh pointy,

pointy, anoint..."

And now, here's

Morris Frost with a cinema review.

The film, "Sliced Up Mommy,"

is an effort to intertwine

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