Lady Bird Page #6

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close pictures of my vagina

while I was on my period it would be

disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.

Excuse me?

Listen, if your mother

had had the abortion,

we wouldn't have to sit

through this stupid assembly.

Suspended!

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

Everything we do is for you.

Everything.

You think I like driving

that car around. Do you?

No.

You think I like working double

shifts at the psych hospital?

No.

You needed to go to the Catholic school

because your brother saw somebody...

knifed in front of him at the

public school,

is that what you want?

LARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE

COMPUTER?!

Nothing.

You think Dad and I don't know,

how ashamed that you are of us?

Your dad knows, your dad

knows why you ask us...

to drop you off a block away

from school every day.

Dad I didn't mean to

You make him feel horrible.

- HORRIBLE do you know that?

- I am sorry.

Marion you didn't have to bring

that up.

No, Larry, you can't just be the

nice guy.

She has to know, she has

to know how you feel.

Otherwise she's just gonna think

that she can say anything at all...

And nobody ever gets hurt.

Wrong side of the tracks.

I didn't mean it that

way, it was a joke.

Yeah, it's just a joke, Mom and

Dad, they don't care.

We didn't think we'd be in this

house for twenty-five years,

we thought we'd

move somewhere better.

Whatever we give you,

it's never enough.

- It's never be enough.

- It is enough.

Do you have any idea what it

cost to raise you?

How much you're just

THROWING away every day?

Give me a number.

What?

GIVE ME A NUMBER!

I don't understand.

You give me a number for how much

it cost to raise me,

and I'm going to get older

and make a lot of money

and write you a check for

what I owe you

so that I never have to

speak to you again.

I highly doubt that you will be

able to get a job...

good enough to do that.

The attack on Baghdad last night.

It was absolutely incredible.

Hello?

Hey, it's me! Jenna.

Hey, are you calling me from school?

No, we got out early

because all the Irish girls,

got totally sloshed by noon...

Oh, right, happy Saint Patrick's

Day!

Yeah, I guess they'd

been stock-piling...

Mini liquor bottles in the tampon

machines.

Now they're all throwing up.

Everyone else got out early.

So GUESS where I am?

I don't know, where?

Ding, dong, I'm outside!

What?

I'm standing outside.

NO JUST LEAVE!

LEAVE:

Leave.

F***!

- Hello...

- Hi.

So this is your house?

Yeah.

The woman in the other

house was totally freaked out.

That's my friend's grandma.

That's her house.

Why did you say

it was your house?

I wished I lived in that house.

I don't even sort of understand why

somebody would lie about that.

I didn't lie.

You lied, you're a liar.

I hate dishonesty.

I'm sorry.

Apology accepted, I guess.

Are we still friends?

I mean, if you're still Kyle's

girlfriend, then yeah.

I guess I'll see you around.

I'm ready.

What?

I'm ready... To have sex.

Okay,

Great.

You're so dextrous with that.

- You're okay?

- Yeah.

Are you...?

Are you done?

Yeah. Yes.

Sorry, I was confused.

- You have some sort of like blood!

- What? What?

- Oh, sh*t, I get nose bleeds. I'm sorry.

- Here.

Thanks. I am so sorry.

No, I'm good.

Remember when

tie-dye was an activity.

I didn't make that shirt, my parents

got it for me at Sea Ranch,

you can read Sea Ranch

if you look close.

Cut to ten years later.

What?

Like how ten years ago you were in

first grade...

and now we...

cut to...!

What does cut to mean to you?

Or like you know

"little did he know..."

Nothing you're saying

is makes any sense.

How we're not virgins now!

We deflowered each other.

We have each other's flowers.

Sorry, I'm just happy.

I didn't lose my

virginity to you.

Wait. What?

I lost my virginity

to Cassie Duval.

Excuse me?

You said you were a virgin.

No I didn't. Because I'm not. And I

haven't lied in two years.

Oh, Jesus!

Yeah, I've probably slept

with, like, six people?

You don't even know

if it's six people?

I don't keep a list.

Why wouldn't you keep a

list. We're in high school?

Why are you getting so moody?

You did say you were a virgin.

I think you might have

made an assumption.

I just had a whole

experience that was wrong.

Look, you're deciding to be upset.

No, I am upset.

Because you're deciding to be.

Don't be mad at me for this.

That's

stupid. You can't be mad at me

for something I have

no control over now.

I just wanted it to be special.

Why? You're going to have so much

un-special sex in your life.

I was on top!

Who the f*** is on

top their first time?

Do you have any, like a awareness about

how many civilians we've killed since

invasion in Iraq started?

Shut up, shut up. Different

things can be sad.

It's not all war.

Are we still going to prom together?

Sure.

I thought Miguel was

going to pick me up.

Well, I was just driving

from work and...

It was easier.

You're okay?

Oh honey! Yes!

Oh, it's okay, it's okay.

What is this sweater?

Oh, it's just, my friend

Jenna gave it to me.

- Who's Jenna?

- My friend.

Do you want to do our

favorite Sunday activity?

I don't have a second shift.

Yeah.

With the so-called bunker,

destroying bombs.

Lady Bird! A bunch of things

arrived for you!

Holy sh*t!

Since when do you get mail?

I get mail.

Whatever you're up to, it's not

going to end well.

Yes!

The programmers now a days

are, like, kids, man!

I know, but that's why I think with

me you'll find something different.

YEAH BUT THEY'RE LIKE BABIES.

I hear you, it's wild.

Which is why...

I went back to school and...

I got my MBA at UC Davis while

still working at ISC.

Oh, wow. That must

been a lot of work.

It was.

I heard ISC is closing now, though.

I heard, yes.

So the a**holes who fired you

are now closing up shop.

Feels good.

Yeah...

What else is supposed to happen?

Oh, I thought we were going

to talk about the position.

How'd it go?

Let's go buy a big bag of Doritos

and eat them in the car

to celebrate your wait-list.

Okay!

Don't tell Mom about the

Doritos or the wait-list!

- Hey.

- Oh... hi, son!

Wait, what are you doing here?

I guess we're um, going

for the same job then?

It looks like it.

Go get 'em!

Thanks.

- This right here?

- Yeah, yeah.

I know it was you who

did the Just Married thing.

It wasn't me.

I'm not going to punish you.

Oh... why not?

It was funny. Sister Gina and I

drove all the way home

before we

noticed people were honking.

Really?

To be fair, I wasn't

just married to Jesus.

It's been forty years...

Well, he's a lucky guy.

I read your college essay.

You clearly love Sacramento.

I do?

You write about Sacramento so

affectionately, and with such care.

Well, I was just describing it.

Well, it comes across as love.

Sure, I guess I pay attention.

Don't you think maybe

they are the same thing?

Love & attention?

I guess you won't be going to any

dances in college. This is our last one.

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