Lady for a Day Page #3

Don't assume so much.

It'll get you into trouble.

- Yes, sir.

- Come here a minute.

I'll tell you something that will

upset the rest of your day.

- I don't care about Rodney Kent.

- No, sir.

Toddle in there and tell

Dave the Dude l wanna see him.

- He is in there, isn't he?

- Yes, sir.

Who should l say is calling?

Happy McGuire, apple of his eye,

that's who.

- You got that straight?

- Yes, sir. I have it.

Don't let it upset you.

Four out of five have it.

I promise not to get depressed.

And remember,

if you take one drop of gin...

Now, here's the layout.

Here's your bedroom, see?

That's over in the corner.

The Count is here, the son here,

your daughter's here.

Now, you got that straight?

Here, you better keep this.

Fine mess

you got everybody into.

Everybody worrying about you.

Why didn't you swipe stationary

out of the White House?

Then you could've said

you were the President's wife.

- Mr. Happy McGuire.

- 'The boy with the sore feet."

You know l've been looking

for you for two days?

What's this?

Meet the new society lady.

Hotel Marberry, daughter.

Where'd you ever get

a daughter, anyway?

Who's the father?

Who's the father?

I suppose you'll tell me

he was a big shot or something.

Rodney Kent gave you

this apartment for her?

Yeah, must be

as big a sucker as l am.

He must be off his nut.

"The whole thing sounds insane,

but go ahead, use the apartment.

My only request is

make certain

no one puts mustaches

on the paintings."

Say, listen,

come over here.

I want to talk to you.

Get this, l got the Babcock deal

all set, get me? It's set.

Now that's our bread and butter.

What's this?

You're not doing yourself

any good here.

Yeah, l know.

You think l'm screwy,

but l got an idea.

For years Annie's

been lucky to me, ain't she?

What luck would l have

if l passed her up now?

Miss Missouri Martin.

- Fetch her in.

- Missouri Martin?

Yeah, the old gal herself.

How is it, boys?

Come on, gang.

How's my baby?

Cut it out, cut it out.

Here they are, suckers, the gang

that keeps me broke but beautiful.

All ready for the slaughter.

Now where's the victim?

There she is.

And what material for

a bunch of hungry artists.

Look at 'em, tongues hanging out.

By the time they're finished,

she'll look as good as me.

The idea is to

make her look like a lady.

"Laughing Boy" is in again.

All right, flesh pounders,

this is going to be a sweet job.

- Alright, Annie, let's go.

- We will make you beautiful.

- Come on.

- 'Atta gal.'

The hair the biggest problem.

It's all right, Annie.

You won't get to first base.

You'll have lead her on a string.

Take her in that bedroom.

Wait a minute,

he can't go in there.

It's alright, Dude,

it's alright.

Pierre.

Alright, girls, that's all.

Folks, meet

Mrs. E. Worthington Manville.

I'll never forget you for this.

God bless you.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, you look fine.

You'd fool anybody.

Nice work, Missouri.

Come on, Happy. Let's get going.

Wait a minute, you guys.

Where do you think you're going?

We're returning to the business

of making a living,

- if it's just the same to you.

- You think you're through?

- What about the husband?

- Husband?

Worthington Manville,

Who's gonna dig him up?

I forgot all about the husband.

Missouri, go back in and tell her

to take care of that herself.

That's a brilliant idea.

Who's she gonna get,

one of her panhandler friends.?

He got her the apartment

and a flock of clothes.

What more do you want?

- You can take care of it.

- Oh, l can, can l?

Very sweet of you.

Whose idea was this, anyway?

I'm a kibbutzer in this,

now you want to give it me?

You got another guess coming!

I like Annie

as much as anybody,

but if you guys are

running out, l'm going too.

I'm a sucker if l'm gonna be

left holding the bag.

You want the Dude

to give up his business?

I got a night club

needs looking after.

That comical hole in the wall?

Don't make me laugh.

If l could make you laugh,

l'd go out and get drunk!

You couldn't make a hyena laugh.

Wait a minute, what do you mean,

talking to her like that?

Stop arguing

and let's do something.

If we gotta dig up a husband,

let's get it over with.

Now you gotta dig up

a husband for her.

Where you gonna get

a husband, just like that?

What about you, Happy?

Me?

That's a swell idea.

I think you'd be just precious.

Wonderful idea.

Just one thing stands in the way.

I got a wife

that's very fussy.

She don't like for me to

go around marrying people.

I know how unreasonable

that must sound to you,

but she's funny that way.

No.

I got just the one!

Judge Henry G. Blake.

Who's he?

For a proposition like this,

we need a guy that talks classy.

Well, judge Blake is

the classiest talker in town.

- Shakespeare.

- Yes, Boss.

Judge Blake, the guy that

told you you could shoot pool

is taking you for a sleigh ride.

Granted, my boy, granted.

In Providence, where l come from,

a cripple like you would be

taken for all he's got.

That's one of the reasons

l never go to Providence.

If you did, you'd come back

without your pants.

How much longer must l toy with

this be-knighted son of Providence?

Take it easy, judge.

This guy's a cinch.

Any minute now he'll want to

jack up the ante.

I'm becoming annoyed at

this silly twaddle.

If the sap knew who

the judge was, he'd go home.

If the stakes were higher,

you might do better.

Success at last.

Do better?

I doubt it, my friend.

Thought you might want to

double the bet.

How about 10 cents a ball?

Afraid, huh?

Afraid? Nobody ever said that

to me and got away with it!

Did you know that during the

reign of King Charles 2nd,

we were known as

"The Fearless Blakes"?

I'll show you how afraid l am!

I'll make it 50 cents a ball!

Okay, come on!

- Boy, rack 'em up!

- Yes, sir.

Come on.

Set 'em up.

Let's get goin'.

Judge.

My old friend,

the Bard of Avon.

- Dude wants to see you right away.

- Can't be done, my friend.

I am engaged in

a very profitable enterprise.

I don't know nothing about that.

In fact, my next month's

room rent depends on it.

Come on, judge.

It's your shot.

Wait, the Dude said not to

take no for an answer.

- You know what that means.

- Yes, l've had occasion.

What's the matter, judge?

Getting cold feet?

There he is, the lucky stiff.

I'll probably lose him for life.

- Excuse me.

- Step on it, judge.

Guys, you're holding up the game.

I thought you were known as

"The Fearless Blakes"?

You were born under

a lucky star, my friend.

A 6 ball shot, friends, one in

each pocket, shooting left-handed.

Amazing.

Quiet, boys!

Great shot!

- Collect from Providence.

- Right.

That was some shot.

And with the left hand.

Thank you, me lad.

Proceed, Shakespeare.

It's only for a week, judge.

All you do is be her

rich, aristocratic husband.

The rich and aristocratic

suits me admirably.

- Ever try being a husband?

- I'm notorious for it.

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